Sub consciously

Ok... so i like vegetairan food (i.e Qourn stuff), soup, prawns, sushi, fruit. But apparently all this stuff is low calorie. But that what i like and dont mind eating, unliek somehitng like Pasta or fish fingers or battered Cod, that is something i dont like, butt hats hte stuff thats high in calories. So is it only sub consciously that i've told myself that id ont like them. No i dont think so. I cant imagine myself eating them. and i dont want to.
  So for dinner, i asked mum ifwe could do something with prawns, as its lie my fav. food (if i even have one. I generally jjsut hate food, and id ont want to eat. Once i get a chance im gonna stop eating. I shouldnt, im just gaing unnecessary weight, and its stupid.) and i dont know, er face jsut kind of.... well soemthign happened in ehr face.
  So now for dinner..... it was kind of disastrous, she cooked this like totellini (the pasta with like sinach or cheese inside) with potatoes, and i jsut kind of had a melt down. First i told her i wasnt hungry nd wans tgonna eat (Yah thats gona wokr, is it?) then i started crying, saying that i shouldnt be here, cu si frankly shouldnt, but once she put butter on the pasta, i staretd freaking out. I jsut stormed off and refused ot eat. When icame back though she was like "You should clerly eb here if you cant even eat pasta" - Fuck Off was my answer -
  Anyway i plated up, but then i saw tha, my mum didnt take any pasta, Thanks, that clearly means that the pasta is seriosuly fattening if you're not gonna eat it. So that pissed me ff even more.
  I hate it everywhere people can lose weigth adn talk about losing weight while ica nt even emntion it. Like my mums all like "im gonna gainw eight if i keep hanging around you." and i've seen how she doesnt eat as mucha s she used ot, - great - Sure, lose weight, thats grand.. but dont do it when thats the one thing which i want to do, but im at a stupid hospital gaining weight. .and then my sisters goingt o the gym. I dont know about ehr eating habits, as i ahevtnr ealy been around her, but shes not a rbeakfast person, sometimes she jsut goes right onto lunch. WHile breakfast used to be my hardest meal as i enevr ate it.
  I hate it... everyone else can like not eat, go to the gym, lose weight. While i cant.