How to get past the fat feelings

The first thing to do when it comes to fat feelings is to realise that they are Feelings, and not the truth.

But also, fat feelings are often something else. Because well, you can't feel fat... I mean, i can't feel skinny or feel toned etc... You can look it, and i mean there are times when you just think Damn i look good... and its almost like you feel a certain way. But that feeling is not feeling thin, but its feeling happy. Because you put your happiness in the way you look.

When it comes to fat feelings its often due to anxiety, stress, anger, irritability, sadness, tiredness.... For me, when i get fat feelings its either 1) due to hormones and that time of month or its 2) because i havent eaten enough and am tired. Then i can end up feeling fat, though i know that the truth is i amnt. Why would i suddenly go from feeling good in my own body to suddenly being fat?
 
But also, the feelings can be triggered by things like fullness, stress, bloating. But those are just normal bodily feelings, they shouldn't make you feel fat. Its ok to feel full, its ok to bloat, its ok to eat. So those types of feelings shouldn't be connected to negative feelings.

I suggest that you write down when you get the fat feelings and what has just happened, what are you thinking, try to analyze your own feelings.Yes, i know i sound like a therapist now and you might be thinking... i feel fat. I dont feel anything else. I am fat. But you know the truth.... and think like this, if you are underweight or in recovery and need to gain weight. The chances of you being overweight are very unlikely (if you need to gain weight, that is.)
   But then maybe you are more on the curvy side or are bigger and have fat feelings, thats ok as well. There is nothing wrong with that, but once again... they arent feelings of being fat. They are something else... and you need to tackle those feelings.



You also need to ask yourself what is so wrong with being fat? Having fat. We ALL have fat. I have fat. If i lean over or sit down i get tummy rolls... i can pinch fat from my stomach, arms, legs etc... Do i do it? No i dont. Because it is ESSENTIAL FAT. Fat which i need on my body. It keeps me alive. It keeps me warm. So what if i gain some more fat, that wont harm me in any way. Neither would it make me any less me, it wouldnt make me any unhappier or make me hate my body.

You need to realise that fat is something which your body needs and some naturally have and need more of it than others. However, DONT look at those people who compete in fitness competitions or have very low fat procent because that ISNT healthy. Both males and females need a certain amount of fat, and you need to get rid of the fear of having fat on your body.

Back to the actual fat feelings. You need to challenge them. You cant let those thoughts ruin your day, let them control you, or let your ED steer you. You STILL need to eat, ALL your meals even if you feel fat. Because i can guarantee you, you wont feel better by restricting. You might get an empty feeling, get a hunger feeling which some think equals being strong or happy or being thin. But that is not the case. You need to eat, fill your body with food. Go against the voice in your head. Its tough, but just listening to the voice in your head wont make you feel better or make those fat feelings go away.

Instead, put on some comfy clothes. Maybe avoid those skinny jeans or that tight black dress... or Hell, maybe wear those clothes. Defy your ED and show that actually, you can have fat feelings but still leave the house wearing a tight dress or a tight top. You shouldnt be ashamed of your body.
   But i often find that when i have those types of thoughts wearing more baggy and loose clothing can be comfortable.  Drinking tea to soothe your stomach and drinking water if you are bloated, and know that the bloating will pass. Give it time!!!¨

The fat feelings will pass as you get stronger. They come and go and even when you are recovered you might have days where you feel fat, but its important to remember that its not fat you are feeling. Its somethign else, and knowing what it is you are actually feeling can help solve the problems and feelings.



It can also help to write out on a piece of paper, I am NOT fat. I need fat on my body. And keep repeating it or writing it until you believe it and feel better.
  Or writing small positive notes and putting around the house or in your journal :)

I hope that these tips help if you are struggling with fat feelings. But know that they will pass, whether it takes a week, a month or several months... but you cant let them control you. You have to be stronger than them.

Giving advice

Something which i can find hard sometimes is giving advice here on my blog. Mainly because i dont know who it is reading... or i mean, there are different types of eating disorders. Those with restrictve eating disorders, those who overeat, and those who only eat healthy, and others who purge etc

So sometimes when i give advice adn say that you should listen to your cravings, and eat every hour if it is that you are hungry... but that advice is most directed at those who have restrictive eating disorders, to tackle the strict following of meal plan that they might have. However, if you have binge eating disorder its actually better for you to make a meal plan and follow that until you feel that you no longer have the hunger and huge cravings which make you binge.

Aand then also at times i can reccommend exercise for stress, anxiety, relieving cramps, bloating etc (though i try avoid saying this as an option, as many might not be allowed at the moment) but this should only really be an option if you ARE ALLOWED to exercise. If you have a healthy or close to healthy BMI.

Also with extreme hunger... that can make you eat lots, but once again it can be hard giving advice about this because if you are an overeater you can go through the extreme hunger phase.. however, whether you should follow the hunger signals or not i dont really know. Because it can lead to binging.
   But the same with if you have a restrictive ED, sometimes it can be better to just follow your meal plan.... though extreme hunger is just a phase and it can be good to eat that bit extra.

In general the advice on my blog is a bit broad, and it doesnt apply to everyone. Because everyone is so different.
   Some people have it easier to gain weight, whilst others dont. So for some they need to eat 3000kcal aday to gain weight, while others might just ened 2200... There is not a one suit fits everyone.

I know not everyone agrees with what i write on my blog... and thats ok!!! You dont have to. Trust me, everyone has different opinions. Im pretty sure ive read things on other blogs and just thought, thats completly wrong. Or i dont agree with that...
   Like ive seen advice given to someone recovering from an eating disorder and the person told them that if it made it easier to recover they can turn vegan. And eating x amount of calories was ok, they didnt need to gain weight.
  However, i just thought the advice given was wrong. Because  Recovery ISNT easy, its not about making the easiest choice. But fighting the hard times so that it GETS easier.

If YOU ever have advice or another opinion - as long as its not too negative or triggering - you can feel free to post .As im sure its good to get different perspectives and opinions. Because i can only give my own advice and opinions, from my own personal view and experience. But the more advice the better :)

But i just want to remind you all, that sometimes the advice i give doesnt always apply to everyone. However you CAN email me for more personal advice, which suits you and your journey better :)

Recovery reminders/truths

The 3 most common fears and questions i get asked is that, you are scared that you will keep gaining weight. And that is understandable. However it doesnt happen that way. Your body has a healthy weight which it will reach, it is different for everyone. Some peoples healthy weight is BMI 21, others BMI 19, others more or less etc You can not compare yourself to others.

  There is ofcourse a certain procent of people recovering from anorexia who end up developing bulimia and maybe continuing to gain weight. However, they have then developed another eating disorder, they are not healthy.

  If you are healthy and eating intuitively, then you wont keep gaining weight. Then you will stay at your healthy weight +/- 2kg, thats how the body works. If you do develop binge eating disorder or bulimia, then you need more proffessional help or to talk to someone about what is going on in your head and why you are eating so much and have no control.

  No one keeps gaining and gaining weight. 

Also, extreme hunger is common in recovery and you can end up eating extreme amounts. That hunger can come anywhere from the beginning of recovery to somewhere in the middle or even end of recovery (I.e when you are close to your goal weight). Its hard to know whether its binge eating or extreme hunger due to recovery. However, i would say binge eating is when its just cravings, boredom or out of stress of emotions. Its like you just think about a certain food and want to eat it and then you cant stop yourself. However with extreme hunger its like you dont feel full... its not one certain food you want. You just want to eat, its like a whole in your stomach and you can keep eating. Extreme hunger is scary, but it is important to listen to your body andeat.

1. Your body has an optimal weight set point that it can and will defend. [RE Keesey et al., 1997; RE Keesey, 1988] Your body can manage without your conscious interference. Your set point is managed and distributed throughout brain structures that are far more mature, evolutionarily speaking, than your late-to-the-party conscious thought. Think of this as your prime directive: do not interfere in a process that your body can manage.
2. No one keeps gaining and gaining.
3. Extreme hunger is a normal progression in recovery. It does not last. You do not ‘habituate’ to 6000-10,000 calories a day, but you need that energy during refeeding.

How to stop counting calories

One hard part of recovery is to stop counting calories. The fact is, once you know how to count calories you know it forever. I mean before i became sick i didnt even know what calories were or how to count them. And then when i became sick i became obsessed with them. Obsessed with counting calories. And then over time i learnt to stop counting calories... however I still know how to count calories. If you were to ask me to count the calories in a meal i could easily give you an accurate estimation. Though the difference now is that the numbers dont bother me. I can eat a meal and be like ohh i just ate 500kcals for breakfast. Oh well. Anod nothing more with that.
  Somedays i eat around 3000+kcal and other days i might barely eat 2000kcal... I dont count calories but i guess that i eat around 2500-3000kcal daily. And that doesnt bother me.

I dont see calories as something dangerous. I dont look at food and see numbers, or see food as protein and carbs and fat. I see it as fuel. Something which my body needs. But also something deilcious, something which i enjoy. I dont make food choices based on what is lowest in calories, i make food choices based on what i want at the time.. whether that is ice cream or carrots.

And that is what you are striving after. To not be controlled by the voice in your head. To not let numbers control you. Counting calories puts a mental stress on yourself where you feel guilty over eating more than x calories or more than the day before but you need to realise that your body can cope with extra calories, or even less calories some days. You need to find the balance and eat enough for your body.
  Healthy eating is not counting calories or eating numbers. Its eating food... food which you enjoy. Eating when you are hungry and stopping when you're full (and the occaisional times when you eat more than you need to/should because the food is so yummy or out of boredom ;) ;))

And to start off, i would start seeing food as something which you need. Something which both your body and mind need to live. Food is yummy, it is fuel for your body.


The thing that helped me to stop counting calories was my meal plan. I dont know how many times i counted out the calories in my meal plan.. Every evening i would count out how much i ate, even though i ate the same thing everyday. But i would round upwards even though i knew an apple was 65kcal (ex.) i would round up to 120, just incase. And i did that with most meals and foods. But stil, no matter how many times i counted the meal plan the number of calories never really changed. I was eating the same amount. Of course whenever i had to have my meal plan raised (numerous times) that would freak me out and i would begin with the counting again. And there were some snacks which had 100kcal more than the others so i would refuse to take them... just because of that reason. But then in recovery i decided that... I have to test those other snacks. 100 calories more wont kill me. And it didnt... even if it gave loads of anxiety, it didnt make me fat or kill me to eat 100-200calories more one day compared to the other day.


I reccommend that you either meet a nutrionist/dietician who can make a meal plan according to your needs or you try to figure out yourself how many calories you need... And Yes, you do need alot of calories. And Yes, you need to follow the meal plan precisily otherwise there is no point in having the meal plan.

When you begin eating intuitively, and stop followinga a meal plan. It can be easy to start counting calories again as you are scared about overeating or even undereating. But i reccommend starting with just eating a snack different to your meal plan... instead of oatmeal with toppings for your snack maybe choose sandwiches or yoghurt...  Dont count the calories or worry about the amount you are eating... just choose what you are craving. And do that 2-3 times a week. And then try doing it with 2 snacks a day  etc etc And stop measuring your food. You dont need to know the precise amout of grams or dl. That is not what normal people do... and they still maintain their weight... so why do you need to measure and count your food?

You need to start accepting and learning that you need food to live and to survive. All food has calories.. and that you need to stop seeing food as numbers. I mean you can eat these low fat foods, or drink diet coke but that is very unhealthy. Compared to eating all natural Peanut butter, avocado, eggs which have more calories but are super healthy for you. Just because foods are low in calories doesnt mean they are good for you.



If you need more advice i have written this post: http://living-with-anorexia.blogspot.se/2013/06/how-to-stop-calorie-counting.html

And here are some tips from readers:
Lottie:
Personally I never used calorie-counting sights, I just worked it out in my head, so in case that is what you do here's what I did to stop. 
Everytime I started counting calories I forced myself to just count 10 deep breaths instead and then move on and think about something else like what I'd buy if I won the lottery or where I'd like to go on holiday. It sounds silly but having that little routine meant everytime I caught myself counting calories I could just shout "stop" in my head, count to 10 and then move on with something more interesting. It took a lot of willpower to do it at first but after a while I just didn't count calories at all. 
I honestly think that stopping counting calories was the biggest step I have made so far in recovery. It meant I could finally eat the food I really wanted without worrying. Once I stopped counting calories I felt free for the first time in ages. So although it may be a tough thing to do, it really is so so worth persisting. 
Hope that helps in some way and good luck :) 

Anonymous:
I'd like to share an idea what I've been trying to do now to get calories out of my head a little.. 

I write food diary, just what I ate... not how much but what did that lunch/dinner/breakfast etc. consisted of... and at the end of the day if I really push myself and don't log in in calorie counter and see the list it really doesn't look that bad, my food diary doesn't look that bad. Counting calories is sooooo making me tired.. and it's everyday the same so why am I counting, what the heck am I counting... This doesn't work always but when it does and I wake up next day which means I'm still alive and I didn't die or aliens didn't land on earth or something like that I get more confidence... maybe you can try that.. Don't be too hard on yourself... if it doesn't work right away.. I manage it 2-3 times a week. Not easy but really worth of trying !! Fuck Ana :)

Why are we so scared of having fat

Something which i thought about yesterday was... Why are people so scared of having fat? 
 Having fat on your body is normal. And its actually essential.... Your body is trying to protect you. The fat on your body is protection... its trying to keep your bones, muscles and organs safe. Its not healthy to have barely any fat on your body... And of course its not healthy to have excessive amounts of fat on your body.

But you know what? Normal, healthy people have fat. They also have stretch marks and cellulite. And that is nothing to be ashamed about. Its nothing to get anxiety about. Its just how the body is.
   We need to stop comparing ourselves to these photoshopped pictures of girls, who dont even look like the girl in the picture.
 
We need to start seeing ourselves the way we actually are, and instead of hating our bodys and just seeing flaws. Cant we just accept these things like cellulite, marks, fat?

Having fat is not the same as being fat... but you know what, What is so wrong with being fat anyway?

^^I love this quote so much.
Fat is just an adjective... it is a describing word.Just like saying You are tall. or You are short. Or you have blonde hair....
  Is fat really that offensive? Why do people like being called skinny (some people anyway... though there is skinny-shaming which is just as bad as fat-shaming), but people get offended when you call them fat? Why is being fat something to be ashamed of?
  There are many people who are happy with their weight and their body and they arent societies ideal body image. Infact its only like 1% (this is just a guess!) of people in the world who have the body of societies 'goal body'.
  SO stop comparing yourself to others and what society has as the perfect body. Because there is no such thing as a perfect body. You are you. You have YOUR body. And instead of hating yourself and constantly trying to change how you look, why dont you start loving yourself.
  Instead of fighting a war with yourself... embrace yourself.

You are so much more than your body anyway!

So what i was going to say with this post is.... stop being so scared of having fat on your body. It is normal and healthy, and it is your bodies way of protecting you .So stop fighting your own body!!!

Laxative abuse

Something which is common with people in eating disorders is laxative abuse, as a way to get rid of food, or to feel empty.
   I had a period where i abused laxatives, though it was a fairly short period.

However, when i was first diagnosed with anorexia i was accused of abusing laxatives though at the time i wasnt really... or i was using them everyday - which i guess you could call abuse, as they shoulnt be used everyday unless actually needed. But it wasnt until later stages while i was in treatment that i began abusing laxatives.
   Long term abuse of laxatives can have some serious consequences - it can permanently ruin your digestive system so that you can either not keep anything down, or not keep anything in. Or you can become completely relient on laxatives, so that you can't go to the bathroom without them....
 
Just like self harm, purging, over exercising you are harming yourself... you are trying to get rid of anxiety. Trying to feel empty or punish yourself for eating. But please before you do any of these behaviours Stop and think.
   What will happen if i dont do this? What will happen if i just sit and relax, fight the anxiety and not resort to bad ED behaviours? 
  By not resoting to bad behaviours, by talking to somone to doing something else you fight your ED. You fight the anxiety and you know what, You win and become stronger. And it will become easier.
 
So please, if today, tomorrow or any oother day that you feel loads of anxiety, or are going to self harm/abuse laxatives/purge/exercise as a way of compensation or guilt, then just stop and think of this post... think of my words and ask yourself, Is it worth it? 


Here is some information about laxative abuse, so that if you do abuse them you can rethink your actions!

Laxative Abuse: Some Basic Facts

What is laxative abuse?

Laxative abuse occurs when a person attempts to get rid of unwanted calories, lose weight, “feel thin,” or “feel empty” through the repeated, frequent use of laxatives.  Often, laxatives are misused following eating binges, when the individual mistakenly believes that the laxatives will work to rush food and calories through the gut and bowels before they can be absorbed.  But that doesn’t really happen. Unfortunately, laxative abuse is serious and dangerous – often resulting in a variety of health complications and sometimes causing life-threatening conditions.

What is the laxative myth?

The belief that laxatives are effective for weight control is a myth.  In fact, by the time laxatives act on the large intestine, most foods and calories have already been absorbed by the small intestine.  Although laxatives artificially stimulate the large intestine to empty, the “weight loss” caused by a laxative-induced bowel movement contains little actual food, fat, or calories.  Instead, laxative abuse causes the loss of water, minerals, electrolytes and indigestible fiber and wastes from the colon.  This “water weight” returns as soon as the individual drinks any fluids and the body re-hydrates.  If the chronic laxative abuser refuses to re-hydrate, she or he risks dehydration, which further taxes the organs and which may ultimately cause death.

Health Consequences of Laxative Abuse:

• Disturbance of electrolyte and mineral balances.  Sodium, potassium, magnesium, and phosphorus are electrolytes and minerals that are present in very specific amounts necessary for proper functioning of the nerves and muscles, including those of the colon and heart.  Upsetting this delicate balance can cause improper functioning of these vital organs.
• Severe dehydration may cause tremors, weakness, blurry vision, fainting, kidney damage, and, in extreme cases, death. Dehydration often requires medical treatment.
• Laxative dependency occurs when the colon stops reacting to usual doses of laxatives so that larger and larger amounts of laxatives may be needed to produce bowel movements.
• Internal organ damage may result, including stretched or “lazy” colon, colon infection, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and, rarely, liver damage. Chronic laxative abuse may contribute to risk of colon cancer.

Stopping the Laxative Abuse Cycle

Overcoming laxative abuse requires working with a team of health professionals who have expertise in treating eating disorders, including a general physician, a psychiatrist, psychologist, or counselor, and a registered dietician.  Support from close friends and family is also helpful.  Meeting with others to talk over anxieties, concerns and difficulties can greatly aid in getting through tough times in the recovery process.  

SOurce: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/laxative-abuse-some-basic-facts