Before

I was reading back over my posts, and i find that the first ones iw rote (well they were wrong, ti was me claiming that i was ullimic [i though i was as i was throwing up] and saying that i had had anorexia for 3-4 years, which is wrong because i ahdnt eben diagnosed yet.) But iseemed to be all cool about having an Eating disorder, jsut like yeah.. oh i totally want to get over this Its so nice that soemone knows, maybe i felt like that at first i cant remember and all like advising you not to go down thsi path, "Oh dont do like i did, its not cool .Just eta, get over yourself." Yah... whatever, its easy to write it.
  BUt then, te ones furtehr along, you cna tell, or i can.. hwo the eating disorder is getting mroe of a control over me. Like when i firts started tow rite, i ate... not much i doa dmit, but as i was throwing up ia te more than when i wasnt throing up. Like there are two memories which i jsut cant let go of. ONe is when.. i hadnt eaten so muhc for a good while that one day, i jsut gave in and i took a piece of brown toast with peanut butter and jam, but then i took another, and another and soson ihad had four peanut butter and jam toasts. And that absaloutly repulses me, i cant belive i even did that, but that was when i really started ot exercise and i felt like shit afterwards, i think after i had had those four sandwiches that was when i started to go for a wlak eveyrday. and my other memory is when i went like 19 hours without eating, and iw as fine, not even hungry (iim sure ive gone onger, just hvent bother counting. Im pretty sure i went liek a day adn a half with out eating) but whenever someone says, you know oh but its only been two hours, you should eb hungry... that memory lieks to pop up, you went 19 hours without eating before, 2 hours is nothing.
  So yeah.. tehn the posts furtehr along its when the ED gets more of a hold on me. Like i start jsut not caring... i diditn read all of my posts (and please dont, i reall ydont adivse it) so i cant say exactly how thoose posts are, but  they're more like... im saying i dont have an ED, im not sick, i dont need help wetehr as the first posts im jsut like, yeah i need help.. but tht was for hrowing up, not not eating. So yeah.... i still aev days when i dont think iahve an ED, i seem to be havign more fo them. I dont believe that iahve one, that  people are lying to me, jsut tryingt o punish me. I eat... so like WTF? why am i stil here?
  So i ahve on adn off days.

Thats it.