^^ My big baby!!! :)
After a 5 year struggle with anorexia (with purging tendencies), depression, self harm and over exercising I have now been recovered for 4 years and i use my blog to help others in the same situation i once was. I am now a happy and positive person who wants to inspire those struggling to choose recovery and to take control over life and happiness again!
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Showing posts with label my life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my life. Show all posts
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Photos from today
Instead of writing about today - because im too tired. I will instead just share some pictures, and maybe write about today, tomorrow... or maybe not? Who knows ;)
^^ My big baby!!! :)
^^ My big baby!!! :)
Thursday, March 20, 2014
My life part 2
In 2003 my half brother was born, and once again the family was extended!!
I travelled quite a bit during my childhood - to England, Sweden, Italy, France, Spain, Finland etc And my mum loved taking my sister and I for spontaneous trips. This is something which i love - just sitting in the car. Looking out the window/reading/talking/listening to music etc
I have always had low self esteem and low self confidence. Ive always had good grades but ive never felt like im good enough. I hated getting attention, but i got quite alot of it because i was sick so often. Where we lived, everyone knew that i was the girl with cystic fibrosis as there had been several fundraisers for me, as it is not cheap to have an illness and there were times when things couldnt be afforded.
One good thing that came out of my CF though is that the Make a wish foundation decided to grant me a wish. So they organized for me to get a makeover, go shopping and then get to meet the Rose of Tralee (which is a competition in Ireland). It was a really lovely day!!! And it was one time when i didnt hate having CF.
When i was 11/12 my life started to change - for me anyway. I started to rebel, i stopped taking my medicines as i wanted to be normal. I didnt want to be sick anymore. However it had the opposite affect and i became even more sick. It was this stage where i had stopped eating and had begun exercising more. And that continued for 2 years where i had also begun purging and self harming, until i was diagnosed with anorexia and then the next few years of hell and even more hospital began.
Im not sure if i need to fo through my whole anorexia journey, as it feels like ive already written about it, however i can if anyone wants me to? Or wants any details etc ;) Just let me know!
I travelled quite a bit during my childhood - to England, Sweden, Italy, France, Spain, Finland etc And my mum loved taking my sister and I for spontaneous trips. This is something which i love - just sitting in the car. Looking out the window/reading/talking/listening to music etc
I have always had low self esteem and low self confidence. Ive always had good grades but ive never felt like im good enough. I hated getting attention, but i got quite alot of it because i was sick so often. Where we lived, everyone knew that i was the girl with cystic fibrosis as there had been several fundraisers for me, as it is not cheap to have an illness and there were times when things couldnt be afforded.
One good thing that came out of my CF though is that the Make a wish foundation decided to grant me a wish. So they organized for me to get a makeover, go shopping and then get to meet the Rose of Tralee (which is a competition in Ireland). It was a really lovely day!!! And it was one time when i didnt hate having CF.
When i was 11/12 my life started to change - for me anyway. I started to rebel, i stopped taking my medicines as i wanted to be normal. I didnt want to be sick anymore. However it had the opposite affect and i became even more sick. It was this stage where i had stopped eating and had begun exercising more. And that continued for 2 years where i had also begun purging and self harming, until i was diagnosed with anorexia and then the next few years of hell and even more hospital began.
Im not sure if i need to fo through my whole anorexia journey, as it feels like ive already written about it, however i can if anyone wants me to? Or wants any details etc ;) Just let me know!
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
My life Part 1
I got asked if i could write about my life - not just from when i was sick, and i realised i dont think this is something which i have done before. Sure, you all know pretty much my whole life. But i thought i would write a post about it... Whether it will be a long story or short summary, i dont know yet :)
^^My older sister and I
Ok... I was born 1 month early - i was expected on New years Eve, but was born on 30th November.
Only hours after i was born i had to have an operation (thats why i have the scar on my stomach), as i was only just born i could easily have died during the operation. After that i was placed in an incubator and was in hospital for several months. I was diagnosed with CF when i was born, and was very sick - i couldnt be breastfed, had to have a tube going direct to my stomach. When i was 6 months old, my parents thought it would be a good idea to move back to Sweden, as the care for CF was alot better compared to in Ireland at that time. So they packed their things and we moved to Sweden where lived for 4 years. Of course i have little memory of those years, though most of it was from the hospital. As that is where i spent alot of my time. I had lots of blood tests taken, lots of physiotherapy and different doctors to meet. I also have few memories from my time at the kindergarten i went to.... I have lots of photos from there and all my drawings in this portfolio.
I used to have a problem with wetting the bed - which is understandble when you're 3/4 years old, so everytime we had nap time, i would end up wetting the bed :) Also, i was a thumb sucker. I was around 6 when i stopped sucking my thumb ;) (Some useless information about me.)
So then when i was 4 and a half my family (my mum, dad, older sister and I) moved back to Ireland. And my sister and I began primary school. Swedish was my first language and i could understand english, but not speak it (as my dad only spoke english with us), so in school i would whisper swedish to my sister and she would have to translate to the teacher.
I loved going to school, i loved doing homework and work and was always finished before everyone else and cried when i didnt get more homework - despite the fact that i still only spoke swedish!
Hmmm... the school was pretty small, i had my best friend and was friends with everyone in the class.
Over the next 10 years i moved house 4 times. My parents split up. My dad got together with a new woman, who had a daughter and she became our step mum and we got a half sister. My sister hated this, she rebelled against this. I didnt mind it so much though.
Every weekend we would travel 90 minutes in the car to spend the weekend with our dad and step mum and then Monday morning he would drive us 90 minutes to our mum and we would go to school again (would havet o get up at like 5.30am).
Ive always been a daddys girl, and would spend hours sitting infront of the computer with my dad - doing photoshop, mixing with music, looking through photos or just talking. We also used to watch football together and i loved his sandwiches (i still do.). My sister however has been more of a mommys girl, so well she preferred spending time with our mum and didnt like having to drive the long distance every weekend.
During my child hood i spent alot of time sick and in hospital. I would do alot of studying at home, and some years had around 70% absence from school. I missed alot, and i hated it. My CF and my lack of control over my life and that my parents split and the long journey every weekend i think were underlying causes to me developing my eating disorder.
All my life i have been underweight and been told to eat more, but no matter how much i ate i didnt gain weight. I was quite active, i went for walks, played basketball and did yoga at times.
When i was around 10-12 i suffered with this incredible pain in my right leg almost every night, i woke up with the pain everynight and could barely sleep. So i went to doctor after doctor after doctor to try to figure out what it was, but i was just told that it was growing pain. We even made a 4 hour trip to go to a specialist hospital to see what it was, but nothing.... However 2 years after the pain had begun they found out that i had a cyst in my bone which was causing the pain, as it was exuding pressure on the bone. So then after x-rays and scans i had to have an operation to burst the cyst. Here is another useless fact about me - when i was drugged up on painkillers, before the operation i began hallucinating and apparently began laughing and saying that the ceiling was moving!! hhaha
The pain after the operation was excruciating... it hurt so much!!! And i couldnt walk on my leg for the next week.
Part 2 coming up tomorrow! :)
^^Me a few days after i was born^^
^^My older sister and I
Ok... I was born 1 month early - i was expected on New years Eve, but was born on 30th November.
Only hours after i was born i had to have an operation (thats why i have the scar on my stomach), as i was only just born i could easily have died during the operation. After that i was placed in an incubator and was in hospital for several months. I was diagnosed with CF when i was born, and was very sick - i couldnt be breastfed, had to have a tube going direct to my stomach. When i was 6 months old, my parents thought it would be a good idea to move back to Sweden, as the care for CF was alot better compared to in Ireland at that time. So they packed their things and we moved to Sweden where lived for 4 years. Of course i have little memory of those years, though most of it was from the hospital. As that is where i spent alot of my time. I had lots of blood tests taken, lots of physiotherapy and different doctors to meet. I also have few memories from my time at the kindergarten i went to.... I have lots of photos from there and all my drawings in this portfolio.
I used to have a problem with wetting the bed - which is understandble when you're 3/4 years old, so everytime we had nap time, i would end up wetting the bed :) Also, i was a thumb sucker. I was around 6 when i stopped sucking my thumb ;) (Some useless information about me.)
So then when i was 4 and a half my family (my mum, dad, older sister and I) moved back to Ireland. And my sister and I began primary school. Swedish was my first language and i could understand english, but not speak it (as my dad only spoke english with us), so in school i would whisper swedish to my sister and she would have to translate to the teacher.
^^Our very first day of school!
^^Me in the far left
I loved going to school, i loved doing homework and work and was always finished before everyone else and cried when i didnt get more homework - despite the fact that i still only spoke swedish!
Hmmm... the school was pretty small, i had my best friend and was friends with everyone in the class.
Over the next 10 years i moved house 4 times. My parents split up. My dad got together with a new woman, who had a daughter and she became our step mum and we got a half sister. My sister hated this, she rebelled against this. I didnt mind it so much though.
Every weekend we would travel 90 minutes in the car to spend the weekend with our dad and step mum and then Monday morning he would drive us 90 minutes to our mum and we would go to school again (would havet o get up at like 5.30am).
Ive always been a daddys girl, and would spend hours sitting infront of the computer with my dad - doing photoshop, mixing with music, looking through photos or just talking. We also used to watch football together and i loved his sandwiches (i still do.). My sister however has been more of a mommys girl, so well she preferred spending time with our mum and didnt like having to drive the long distance every weekend.
During my child hood i spent alot of time sick and in hospital. I would do alot of studying at home, and some years had around 70% absence from school. I missed alot, and i hated it. My CF and my lack of control over my life and that my parents split and the long journey every weekend i think were underlying causes to me developing my eating disorder.
All my life i have been underweight and been told to eat more, but no matter how much i ate i didnt gain weight. I was quite active, i went for walks, played basketball and did yoga at times.
When i was around 10-12 i suffered with this incredible pain in my right leg almost every night, i woke up with the pain everynight and could barely sleep. So i went to doctor after doctor after doctor to try to figure out what it was, but i was just told that it was growing pain. We even made a 4 hour trip to go to a specialist hospital to see what it was, but nothing.... However 2 years after the pain had begun they found out that i had a cyst in my bone which was causing the pain, as it was exuding pressure on the bone. So then after x-rays and scans i had to have an operation to burst the cyst. Here is another useless fact about me - when i was drugged up on painkillers, before the operation i began hallucinating and apparently began laughing and saying that the ceiling was moving!! hhaha
The pain after the operation was excruciating... it hurt so much!!! And i couldnt walk on my leg for the next week.
Part 2 coming up tomorrow! :)
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