Healthy while underweight?

I often get asked whether a person really needs to gain the last few kilo or whether they have to be a healthy/normal weight to be declared healthy. Why cant they stay underweight... because they like the way they look? Im sure many might recognize that type of thinking.

i used to think that way as well. When i was struggling with trying to gain the last few kilo, not even trying to gain weight because i was scared. I thought i would be fat, that i would hate myself. I was scared to let go. I was still controlling my food, i still had fear foods. I didnt want to gain weight. This is a bit i wrote from a post back then:

So why? and again Why.... does Mando care so much about the number on the scale... it doesnt make me any healthier becase i weigh 3kg more..
  the fact is... i know i will feel shit.. ok, im not being a so good role model at the moment... but im just a person.. this is my feelings and thoughts.
  And i know that i will mentally feel worse if i gain 3 more kilo...  i dont know.. i dont know what to do...?

But the truth is.... That those last few kilo made a difference to my mental state. It gave me extra energy, it helped me fight my mental thoughts. It helped me overcome my fears, it helped me overcome my fear foods. It helped me learn to accept my body, to love my body. I had energy to do the thing which i love - exercise and to become stronger.
    I thought i would be fat, that i would hate myself. I didnt want to let go of my ED i didnt want to be normal. But i did let go and i felt better. Granted, i might not have liked my body everyday. I did struggle at times... at times i didnt like what i saw in the mirror but i had more energy and i was stronger so i could fight those thoughts. Instead of resorting to starvation i would eat something extra and know that those thoughts would go away becaus e i was stronger than the voice in my head.

So if you think that you can be underweight and still be healthy - you are wrong. You are compromising with your eating disorder. you arent letting your ED go.... you are just trying to make ti easier for you. Which isnt what you should do. Instead you need to make things uncomfortable for you, you need to face the anxiety, do things that scare you.
  Some people are naturally very thin and underweight and maybe you were one of those... but forget about that. Because after you have an eating  disoder you NEED to be a healthy weight c.a BMI 19+ you cant be underweight. Your body neeeds to be a healthy weight, have energy to function properly to repair itsself. So if you were naturally underweight or lower weight before your ED... well who cares. So was I..... i had never been a normal BMI in my life until after i was declared healthy from anorexia. I had always been underweight and struggled with my weight growing up. But that doesnt matter because weight and BMI shouldnt matter when you are healthy... not whether my BMI is 20 or 22 i dnot know, but what matters is that i am happy and healthy, that i have energy and can live my life.

You need to let go of numbers, let go of the scale and STOP compromising with your ED. Ask yourself why being a certain BMI or weight is so important? Nobody else knows your mass or BMI so what should it matter... why is it so important to be underweight... does it make you a better person? No it doesnt... so stop aiming for underweight. Think of what you are putting your body through.

TO be healthy, you also need a healthy weight and if you cant accept that then you cant have a very healthy mind either.

Calorie intake in recovery

Post from: X

When you recover from a restrictive eating disorder, you need a lot of food. Still, the sufferer have a hard time believing and accepting this, no matter how much data is provided and how many people in recovery share their stories. The sufferer is often convinced that they are rare unicorns, who dont apply to the rules of energy because (insert invalid reason). These ideas get confirmed by the sufferer because he/she often gain weight rapidly in early recovery by only eating +/- 1500-2000 calores because of a supressed metabolism and some kgs water weight and food in their system. The sufferer assume that if he/she increase their calories they will just gain even more, faster. The scientifical proven fact that your metabolism increases when you increase your intake gets ignored, because like mentioned, the sufferer is a rare unicorn! The reason why I am writing this is because I thought I was a unicorn, and I was desperate to find proof that I was not. I screened the web for more proof and sources. And I found it. And I experienced it.

Your body is a smart machine, it does everything to keep you alive. When you starve yourself, your BMR (basal metabolic rate, the amount of calories you burn by just staying alive) drops. Proper menstruation, building your bones, growing your hair, keeping you warm etc? Aint nobody got energy for dat! It uses the tiny amount of energy it gets to keep you alive while trying to store some energy as fat for later use. But your body still needs energy, so it ends up eating itself - body fat, bones, organ tissue and muscles. You dont only loose body fat, your whole body slims down. A slimmed down, shrinked heart is very often seen in starved people. Your heart is a muscle. When you gain weight, you also gain these things back, if you give your body enough energy to do it. Once again, your body is smart and body fat is important. Body fat is not excess weight, it is a living hormone producing organ.
Your bodys first priority is to gain body fat to protect your inner organs, keep you warm and to have something to eat the next time you starve it. Because that is what your body think you will do. It has big trust issues. And if you dont feed it enough it will not trust you, because you still starve it by eating 2000 calories, even though you gain weight. Still, in early recovery you have to increase your intake very slowly. Some people start as low as 1200 calories, and slowly increase until they reach 2500-3000 and above. Never recover without close medical supervision. You should have a doctor, therapist and perhaps a meal plan.

In recovery, 3500 excess calories does not mean 1 pound. Your body is not a calculator. In recovery you need WAY more than 3500 calories extra to gain 1 pound of body mass.

Normal people have not done damage for hundreds of thousands of calories that needs hundreds of thousands of calories to be fixed. When they eat a higher amount of calories, it goes to weight gain. When a person with a past of restriction eats a higher amount of calories it goes to both repair and some weight gain, both crucial, hormone producing body fat to protect your organs, give you back your period (if you have lost it) keep you warm, and some muscles (during starvation we loose a lot of muscles).

The most important place to save body fat is around your inner organs for protection. Obviously, this is why your body tend to gain slightly more weight on the stomach than for instance on your back. (check out the file ‘uneven weight gain in recovery explained). Your body does not know that this is many anorexics worst nightmare. Your body does not read Vogue and Sports illustrated. Just to make it worse, bloating and water retention can make you look pregnant. The good news? When you feed your body enough, and it starts trusting you, the weight will even out. But once again, if you starve it during recovery (by eating 2000 calories or less), your body will be more cautious about evening out weight gain. 

So what should you do? You should listen to your therapist/doctor/nutritionist/hunger and eat enough every single day no matter what ED tells you. If you experience extreme hunger and overeat, it is not because you are an emotional eater and will develop binge eating disorder, but because your body does everything it can to get the energy it desperately need.
Have you noticed how you suddenly became obsessed by baking, cooking, food blogs, nutrition and cute spoons? Your body thinks foodfooodfooood. I am sorry to break it too you, but your baking skills is a side effect of malnutrition, unless you were that way before ED. Same with your obsession with eating healthy. It is control, not an aim for eternal youth and good health. If it were, you would not have starved yourself and purged.
Have you noticed how you get erotical fantasises about high calorie food? Take the hint! This is also why you binge. End of story. More good news: when you are recovered, hanging out with friends gets more interesting than staying home and making cinnamon buns for your family. You will fantasise about boys (or girls), not cake. You will read novels, not cooking books. You will measure the value of your life and yourself in events, love and smiles, not calories and weight. If not, you are not recovered.

But the average calorie intake for a person is 2000-2200 calories!? Yes and no The average person have not done damage for hundreds of thousands of calories that needs to be fixed. Also, the 2000-2200 intake is self reported. Most people underestimate their intake (but most ED-people overestimate). The caffe latte with sugar and cream, the extra handful of peanuts and the slice of cake offered at work are forgotten. I once read about an experiment where they asked people to count calories. Almost all of them underestimated, some by 50% (!).The weird, but still completely logical outcome is that people in recovery who eats 3000 calories daily tend to gain even slower (!!???!?!?) than those who eat 2000 calories. The 3000 calorie eater will also get some bonus features; more energy, better mood, faster repair of bones, organs, muscle, mood etc. less ‘bingeing’ and… night sweats. Sorry. But they will pass! People in inpatient recovery often needs a lot of calories compared to outpatient. Not because of the hospital walls, but because they get have no choice but eating 2500-3000+. Ask any person who has been inpatient.
I am outpatient and eat 3000 calories, and I gain 0.5-1 kg weekly. In early recovery I gained several kgs on less than half.

Also, if you eat 2800 calories, but go for runs and burn 800 calories because ”you looove to run”, you are only getting 2000 calories and keep your body starved. Dont waste your precious energy on unecessary exercise, it only breaks your body down. You are only fooling yourself.
Short summary; feel free to eat 2000 calories, but dont expect to fully recover. Your metabolism is not destroyed, it is surpressed, and will be until you give it enough energy to fix it. Recovery is the time to take care of yourself and relax. Eat 2500-3000 and above, and let your body do the job, it knows what it is doing. You will not regret it.

- Amalie


Sources:
”If you eat 3000 calories every day and stay completely sedentary, then that’s 21,000 calories that go into you for one week.

That may sound like a lot however we have to subtract the 7,000 needed for the actual fat and muscle rebuilding that has to happen each week. Fat is not an energy storage unit, it is the largest and most critical hormone-producing organ in your body.

That leaves 14,000. But then there is the amount just to keep you breathing, heart beating—that basal metabolic rate thing that just keeps you alive. Estimating, that assigns another 7,000 or so.

To repair damaged heart, skin, nails, hair, kidneys, digestive system, brain areas, bone and blood formation systems…you are actually giving your body only 1,000 calories a day to go to that effort. That’s if you dependably eat 3,000 calories each day.

The less you eat, the longer it takes to recover as the harder it is for your body to find any excess energy to repair the damage.”
- http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2011/9/13/phases-of-recovery-from-restricted-eating.html

”Most people are
surprised to learn just how many calories it takes to reverse the malnutrition of anorexia. (Some doctors
are surprised about this, too.) While no one can explain exactly why this is true, the answer probably has
to do with how the metabolism is altered by malnutrition”
- http://www.maudsleyparents.org/images/printerfriendly_recipes.pdf

” In the 2 to 6 weeks after completion of refeeding and termination of a weight restoration program, patients with anorexia nervosa required greater than normal caloric intake to maintain a stable weight and had elevated levels of activity. By contrast, such patients studied 6 months or longer after weight recovery had normal caloric intake and activity levels. The prolonged delay in normalization of caloric intake and activity is mirrored by the slow resolution to normal of the neuroendocrine dysregulation that characterizes this disorder. This suggests that treatment for weight maintenance in anorexia nervosa should be extended aggressively for months after the return of a healthy weight so as to restore normal neuroendocrine function and thereby enhance the likelihood of permanent recovery.”
-http://health.ucsd.edu/specialties/psych/eatingdisorders/neurobiology/Pages/publications.aspx

”Substrate use after overnight fast indicated an abnormally high use of carbohydrates.”
- http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/3183853

”Does your metabolism ever recover from having an eating disorder? Recovered anorexics had a higher rate of fat oxidation (the body’s ability to break down big fat molecules and use them for energy), but even then the differences in body composition were basically null. Anorexics two years out of recovery had about the same BMR as those who were never anorexic.”
”They found that their BMR increased significantly within the first two weeks of refeeding.”
”In conclusion - I was wrong. My metabolism is not permanently screwed up. Neither is yours. Initially we gain back weight that was important for our survival, as shown by how low our metabolism got when we were at our sickest. After that? Our metabolism and body requirements mirror those of people who NEVER suffered through an eating disorder. Who else can benefit from these studies? Yo-yo dieters, chronic dieters, people trying to slowly go into Intuitive Eating…these studies cross a wide range of potential eating issues.
Recovery is possible. It’s a long term uphill battle and never an overnight thing. Give your body time to adjust, your mind time to adjust, and find lots of support and love amongst those around you. You have time to turn your life around, it’s never too late”’
- http://www.barbellsandbeakers.com/2012/07/04/does-your-metabolism-ever-recover-from-having-an-eating-disorder/

”What I realize now is that my body was STILL lacking in nutrients and healthy fats – and bingeing was its way of forcing me to get those calories! Even though I thought I was eating enough and moderating my exercise routine, I was still over-doing it; my body was exhausted and running on empty. The truth is, I needed some real time off from exercise and I needed to eat a LOT more food than I thought.”
- http://fitting-it-all-in.com/guest-post-hopes-recovery-story/

Dealing with weight gain in recovery

*not my post*

Dealing with Weight Gain in Recovery

Recovery challenges are also super helpful in general, though these are the more body image-specific ones:

• How to Take Care of Yourself During A Bad Body Image Day
• Recovery Challenge: Notice Your Body
• 10 Ways to Improve Body Image
• Spend More Time Naked (weird but it has actually been super helpful for me)
• Use the good body image days to help with the bad
• Try varying your “visual diet” Related: “body pics” tag, FAQ #10 (another fave of mine)
• What would x lbs either way really, realistically change about you as a person?
• Write A Letter to Your Body

Also, I find affirmations SUPER helpful; here is a guide to making your own, as well as some sample affirmations:

• "I trust my body to ask for what it needs. It has our best interests at heart!"
• "I am a full person, NOT just the shape of my body or the number on the scale."
• "This part of recovery is hard but I’m working on it."
• “‘Perfect’ is overrated — I want to be happy/healthy/well!”
• "This weight is just more to love!"
• "I deserve to take up as much space as I need; if necessary, I will make space for myself. I do not have to shrink for ANYONE. I am important."
• "I am worthy of love at any weight! My weight is completely irrelevant to my lovableness."

Weight gain in recovery

Weight gain in recovery is something which is quite uncontrollable. You think you can control it, but you can't really. The body does what it wants. ... you could be eating the same amount but one week gain 0,5kg the next week lose 0,5kg and the following week gain 1 kg. ... It all depends on how the body reacts. 

Some weeks your body retains water due to stress or hormones and you can gain 1-4 kg in a week just from water weight... that is often what happens in the beginning of recovery and weight gain. After that the normal amount to gain weight is 0,5-1kg.  I have had many people at the moment write to me and panic that they have gained 1 kg in a week. DONT panic. Trust me, it's ok. You shouldn't feel bad or guilty, this is just how the body behaves this week.... next week you might just gain 0,3kg even though you ate the same amount. .. or maybe you gain 1kg again next week.

 That's ok as well... your body could be stressed or just working well and absorbing the food. And that's a good thing, in recovery don't see weight gain as a bad thing.... Weight gain shouldn't go too fast i.e gaining 2kg each week because then neither your body or mental state have the time to adapt either. 

But you don't want weight gain to take forever either. ... Once you are your normal weight, choices begin to open up again. You can do more things.... Begin to love and accept your body.  Learn to live life and find a balanced way of eating, not just focusing on weight gain and worrying how you will look when yiu are your normal weight.
 

  A good thing to remember though is that you want your mental state to progress as well as your physical state. Recovery isn't just about weight gain... its about fighting the ED thoughts,  facing your fears. 
   Don't panic about the number on the scale or how much you gain weight. Just know that it's good that you have gained weight.  Its a positive thing and dont let your ED tell you otherwise.  Fight the guilt and know that your body behaves differently each day and week and that's not always something you can control.     

Here are some posts which might help you:

Gaining weight after anorexia - what to expect

How to cope with weight gain

Stages of recovery

Weight distribution and how to gain weight

Weight gain in recovery & how to cope.

I was wondering how you dealt with weight gain in your recovery? Do you have any advice on how to deal with it?

I have quite a few posts about just this topic, so i thought that i would share them with you instead, but of coruse if you need more advice Just comment or email me :)

  But hopefully you get some advice and help through my old posts :)

http://living-with-anorexia.blogspot.se/2013/02/how-to-cope-with-weight-gain_3.html
 http://living-with-anorexia.blogspot.se/2014/01/coping-with-recovery-weight-gain.html
http://living-with-anorexia.blogspot.se/2014/01/gaining-last-few-kilos.html 
http://living-with-anorexia.blogspot.se/2013/12/gaining-weight-after-anorexia-what-to.html
http://living-with-anorexia.blogspot.se/2014/01/stress-of-weight-gain.html

Changing clothes sizes in recovery

Once you started gaining weight, did it show when it came to your clothing sizes, or did you find that a lot of your weight gain went to restoring bone/muscle/organ weight? Of course I have bloating, like we all do, but my actual clothing size hasn't changed too much. Was that the case for you? 

When you recover one of the things that you need to accept is that you might not fit into the same clothse that you wear now... but you need to ask yourself, Do your clothes actually fit now, or do they hang off of you, sit loosely or just dont really fit properly?

For me, i never found clothes that fit. The smallest sizes were always too big anyway, so i often wore alot of bigger clothes. But that was what i found comfortable in. I wore dresses, big hangy jump/tops with tights... i rarely wore jeans. And even today i still hate jeans, i prefer tights with skirts of jeggings.
   As my clothes were already too big for me while i was sick, i just sort of grew into my clothes.... infact i still have clothes from when i was sick that still fits me. Not that ive ever worn them, they are just sitting in a bag, ready to be given away as i dont want the reminder, even if they fit me.
    Infact while i was sick i was wearing clothes from when i was 12, as my family didnt have alot of money to actually buy new clothes but also i didnt want to buy new clothes. I was so uncertain of what size i would need... so i just wore these too big clothes, and felt so stupid wearing clothes from several years ago and that they still.... sort of fit me?

It can be easy to think that all the weight is just going to go as fat on your body and that when you're done gaining weight you will be rolling forward, not fitting into any clothes. But thats not true.

   ALOT of the weight goes to your organs, your brain, your cells, muscles... all trying to repair your body. I mean from my lowest weight to my goal weight i gained 20kg, and yes you can see that i gained weight when you compare pictures from those 2 times, but its not like i am overweight... i didnt go from normal weight to over weight. I went from underweight to healthy weight, and that s what you need to remember. Hearing that you need to gain 10kg, or even 5kg can make you panic.... but that weight doesnt just suddenly appear around your midsection. It distributes, and most of it is actually helping your organs, helping your body function.

So yes, you most probably will go up a size, but instead of seeing this as a negative thing. See this as a good thing, you get a chance to buy new clothes that fit your better.I know people dont always have alot of money so it can be awful knowing that you might not have clothes that fit you anymore... but then i suggest you buy things which are just a little bigger... not the tightest fitting clothes, but not huge things either because you most probably wont fit into them after you've gained weight anyway.

Like i said above, the clothes i wore when i was sick still fitted me when i had gained weight, and still fit today. The only thing which didnt fit anymore is jeans.... those i threw away the moment i found difficult to put on.

  It was tough, infact i had bought a pair of really nice skinny jeans which cost alot when i was sick, and had gained a little weight. But then i lost loads of weight and the jeans didnt fit anymore. And i forgot about them, and then when i was my goal weight i found them again and was super happy, thinking now i could wear them. But they were too small... And that hurt alot. As my legs have always been my problem area, and suddenly i had these jeans i loved but didnt fit.....

   And it took some time, but i came to the realisation that was i really going to starve myself just to fit into a pair of jeans? And give everything else up...? Give my life up for a pair of xs jeans? No i wasnt.... instead i was going to buy new jeans that fit me better and get rid of my old ones. And thats what i did.

And i havent thought about those jeans until now...

I know its tough when you no longer fit into your old clothse. But instead, look into the future... in a few months, or in a years time you wont even remember.... you will have bought new clothes. Thinking and worrying about other things.

    I suggest that if an item of clothing doesnt fit anymore... give it away, throw it away or chop it up and do something else with it instead. Dont have it there in plain sight reminding you of something you dont want to go back to.

Healthy set point

Something which i thought i would bring up this morning is about your bodies healthy set point. Your body naturally has a healthy weight, a weight where it is comfortable, safe and healthy at. Some people need a higher weight to function at, others a little lower. It is very individual.
   When you have an eating disorder, its so easy to just focus on the number. You decide you want to weigh a certain number, and thats the number you are going to be at. But it doesnt work that way. Just because you want to weigh X kilo, doesnt mean your body is going to be happy there. That you are going to have energy, be happy, be eating enough to actually sustain that weight.
   Your body will fight you, your body wants to survive, be happy. If your body is at a too low weight or not getting enough food, it will begin shutting down the less important things in your body, i.e if your a female you'll stop menstruating. Your metabolism slows down, you grow more hair on your body to keep you warm, while you lose hair on your head as you dont have enough nutrients.

Its not YOU who decides where your body is healthy at. Its not just pick the lowest number. What does the number on the scale really matter? Its only you who sees it. It just tells you your mass - bones, muscles, water, organs etc Its like your height, it gives you your length, that doesnt make you panic because you grw a few mm's, it doesnt make you happy because you lost a few mm's... infact the opposite, it makes you sad most probably.
   Stop thinking in numbers. Instead, focus on being happy and healthy.

I know its easy to get caught up on a number, I did as well. My goal weight was 58-60kg, and i weighed 54-55kg, and i basically said i cant and i wont gain anymore weight. I didnt want to reach my goal weight, i was scared. I kept telling myself i was healthy when i weighed around 55kg, but i wasnt!!! I still had my ED thoughts, still had some fear foods, often felt sad and depressed and still had my fat feelings coming back. I was on a balancing scale... it was so easy to tip over the edge, relapse and lose weight again, which i did begin doing. I was scared of taking the leap and letting myself reach my goal weight.... see how i felt then. I was just so focused on the number. I didnt want to weigh more.


But i took that leap of faith. I let my body take care of itsself. I began listening to my body, eating when i was hungry, no calore counting. Exercising and resting. I let go of the number on the scale and then when i reached 58-60kg, thats where my body was happy at. I went up and down 2kg, which is natural for the body, and i stayed that weight for almost a year until i began fiocusing more on strength training, which then resulted in my gaining muscle mass and weight.... so now i weigh around 65kg. And i know numbers can be triggering, so im sorry about that. But i just want to show that you shouldnt be scared of the number on the scale, im open and saying that i weigh 65kg.... a number i never even thought possible... My lowest weight was around 39kg, and in recovery i said i refused to ever weigh more than 50kg.... my highest weight before i got an ED was around 50-53kg, and it scared me to have to weigh more than that.
  But you know what, i was almost 5 years older, alot taller as well.. of course i had to weigh more than i did before my ED began.


Numbers like on the scale dont matter to me, and they shouldnt matter to you either. You have to take care of your body, listen to your body. Not try to control it!!!

 Read this text below, and try to remember it!!

hey guess what…..even if you’re at a “normal” bmi….you might need to ask yourself….”can i maintain this weight without any disordered behavior?” 

if the answer is no….that’s not your body’s set point..!! and you will function 8 million times better once you let your body settle where it feels most comfortable. it is okay to gain weight.

http://firesfade.tumblr.com/post/76034990873/hey-guess-what-even-if-youre-at-a-normal

Gaining weight after anorexia: what to expect.

Gaining weight after Anorexia: What to Expect

By Leanne Hall

Gaining weight is arguably the most difficult part of recovering from anorexia nervosa, but it is also the most important. Your starving body needs the nutrients food provides in order to function properly and keep you alive.

Increasing the amount of food you consume can cause various physical and psychological changes. Emily Troscianko, anorexia survivor and Psychology Today blogger, recounts her personal experience with the disorder in her series, “A Hunger Artist.”

"In my posts on 'The day I started eating again' and 'How it feels to eat again,' I described the psychological changes that took place as I abandoned the mantra of my own personal ‘as little as possible,’ and told of the extreme hunger that accompanied the increase in intake. In 'Eating, continued,' I mentioned some of the stomach pain and the diarrhea that I experienced in the months after the dietary change."

In one of her posts, Troscianko outlines some of the common physical changes that occur when a severely malnourished individual begins to regain weight. She also offers advice for reducing the severity of these changes.

Refeeding syndrome

Reintroducing nutrients to your body can cause metabolic and biochemical disturbances that may result in muscle weakness, convulsions, confusion, and other symptoms. In severe cases, these disturbances can be fatal. Ensuring that the refeeding process is done gradually reduces the risk of developing this syndrome.

"The greater the malnutrition, the greater the risk of complications during recovery—but also, of course, the greater the risks of remaining ill... when confronting the daunting idea of recovery, it's important to bear in mind not just what might happen if you go ahead with it, but what might happen if you don't."

Bloating

Fluid retention can cause your ankles to swell during the day and bags to form around your eyes at night. Additionally, the sensation of bloating can be uncomfortable. The severity of bloating is also reduced by reintroducing food gradually.

Stomach Cramps

Because your body’s digestion process has slowed and its muscles have weakened, your stomach will likely stick out a bit more than you might expect. Stomach cramps, abdominal discomfort, and nausea can occur as your body adapts to the consumption of more food. Limiting the amount of insoluble fiber in your diet can help reduce these symptoms.

"It's important to remember that all of these things will pass, and are not reliable indicators of what the recovered state will be."

Initial Rapid Weight Gain

Fluid retention may also cause rapid weight gain during the first few days or weeks of refeeding, but this gain is only temporary. It is important to avoid weighing yourself every day since fluctuations, though normal, can lead to unnecessary anxiety.

"In general, weight fluctuations over the course of the day, and from day to day, aren't negligible, so it's important not to attribute significance to a single reading."

Gradual Distribution of Fat

After about three weeks of sticking to your refeeding plan, a thin layer of fat will be deposited all over your body, providing insulation and protection. This distribution of fat tends to be uneven at first but eventually evens out.

"The more one knows when setting out on the journey of recovery, the less likely one is to be deterred from carrying on by unexpected and unexplained difficulties. The early stages of a shift in eating habits may well be frightening anyway, not only psychologically but also physically—but apprehension at specific possibilities is better than a fear of the limitless unknown."

Source: Psychology Today

http://www.eatingdisordersonline.com/articles/recovery/gaining-weight-after-anorexia-what-to-expect

Stress of weight gain

Choosing recovery from anorexia means choosing change – changes in our behaviour and thoughts, as well as physical changes. Every piece of us suffers when we are underweight, which makes the challenge of adding health and strength to our bodies a question of survival.

This process of recovery often provokes anxiety, conflicting emotions and stress.Our anorexia tells us to continue to lose weight. It tells us that thinness is our identity and that our worth depends on the numbers on the scale.

We also have the healthy part of ourselves. In the beginning, it’s hard to recognize – just a little whisperer in the back of our minds. It encourages us to let go of excessive and dangerous thinness.

But, as we notice our bodies growing, we’re filled with fear. We feel like we’re losing control of our bodies and the way of life we’ve come to see as safe and right.

The stress that accompanies weight restoration often affects other dimensions of recovery, such as how we feel and act around food.

Many of us experience  increased resistance towards following our meal plans as anorexia desperately tries to make us believe that we cannot and should not eat because food will make us “fat.” Urges to restrict and exercise might intensify, which can lead to a relapse.

While crucial, gaining weight is also a very emotional and challenging process. It requires a true fight to accept a changing body, especially as we process the feelings and thoughts recovery brings to the surface.

It’s important to be aware that this aspect of recovery is inevitable. There is no way around the challenges of recovery, but we can work on how we deal with them.

Below, I’ve listed tips on how to cope with bodily changes and how to prevent them from causing you to relapse:

1. Change perspective.

You gain weight, but it’s more important to realize that you also gain life. You gain the ability to laugh. To love. To live. Without minimizing the pain of breaking with anorexia, make an effort to focus on the positive aspects of recovery. It is scary, but it is even scarier to stay the same.

Being underweight does severe damage to our bodies and a life with anorexia is a life in pain. Even though it can be hard to believe when we feel overwhelmed by anxiety and fear, there is a part of us that wants to live a life in freedom.

2. Be honest about your feelings.

If you feel overwhelmed, be open about it with yourself and your support team. Your feelings are valid. Feeling shame, guilt and hatred toward our bodies does not mean we’re hopeless and will never recover. It is possible to work on these feelings together with your support team; but, in order for people to help you, they must know the truth about your feelings and behaviour.

Do not let anorexia convince you to restrict food and/or increase your exercise in silence. No one will judge you or condemn you for acting on urges. You’re worthy of being supported in your battle against anorexia. Even though we can dread telling the truth, we often feel relieved afterward.

3. Tell yourself that eating is not optional.

Food is not and has never been our enemy. The eating disorder is our enemy and the one we need to fight. It will try to feed you with lie upon lie, and it can be hard to know what to believe. Use your support team as voices of reason. Food does not make us “fat” or make our bodies change overnight. It is a gradual process and we must trust the therapist(s) when they tell us that it is safe and necessary to nourish ourselves.

4. Identify healthy coping skills that feel meaningful to you.

Coping can mean journaling, painting, knitting etc. Recovery is a journey of self-discovery. We have the opportunity to explore our unique spirits and connect with our passions. Anorexia separates us from our inner selves as we become obsessed with food, weight, and rules. As we go through recovery, we will discover that we are so much more than the size of our bodies.

5. Be conscious of triggers.

Fight against obstacles that could make weight restoration harder – like mirrors or magazines with an extensive focus on weight and body shape. Challenge anorexia if it tells you that standing in front of the mirror is an invitation to bash your body. Write down positive affirmations and use these to talk back to the eating disorder.

Recovery also involves changing our body image and learning to appreciate our unique bodies and all they can do for us. End your destructive relationship with the scale and let go of weight loss as a goal. Instead of obsessing about numbers on a scale, pay attention to how your body feels as it becomes stronger and healthier. Living in freedom from the eating disorder is a life where your worth is not dependent on a number.

Lastly, Have compassion!

Recovery is hard and you deserve to be treated with kindness and love, by others and by yourself.

Author: Hedda Riktor

Source:http://www.liberonetwork.com/weight-restoration-stress

Gaining the last few kilos

Do you have some advice on how you could gain the last weight at the end of recovery?
I already gained about 7-8 kg, and my treatment staff are ready to let me go from the clinic, but I would like to gain the last 2-3 kg (I actually need to gain 5 kg to not be underweight, but my goal weight is set on this). I really, really want to gain these kg, but still when I think about it the anxiety just hits me so hard. I have a "skinny body type" if that makes sense (don't know how to explain othewise in English), so I do have a hard time getting weight even though I eat completely fine. Do you have any advice concerning reaching these last kg? It is just so easy to tell yourself, that it is not necessary, and you are just fine now, because you are no way near the dangerous weight, you were earlier. 

First of all i want to say that it is great that you want to gain those last few kilos :) And it sounds very strange that the clinic is letting you go even though you need to gain weight? As you have a skinny body type, you will always be skinng/lean so these last few kilos wont affect your body so much, but it will do alot of good for your mental health, energy and if you havent already you might get your period back. Gaining 2-3kg wont be noticable on your body, so dont worry about that.

Gaining the last few kilos can be considered the hardest to gain, because your body has now  adapted to the amount of calories which you have been eating. So it means you have to eat even more, which can be tough. 
   Back in 2012 i was in the same situation as you, i had to gain 3-4kg to reach my goal weight, but it scared me alot, for any different reasons. And i was still struggling with my body image, and at times  i felt fat and then i thought if i felt fat now, how will i feel when i have reached my goal weight.
  My body was also so used to how much i was eating so it took a lot of energy to gain weight, infact it took me more than 6 months to just try to gain those few kilos. 
  When i reached my goal weight i got my period back, i felt happier and healthier, all of my ED thoughts were gone - something which i had been working alot with, trying to be positive, challenge myself etc. And i felt happy in my body! 

So to gain the last few kilos you need to eat more, or if you are active, it can help to decrease your activity amount.
   You can add things like extra oil, butter or cream while cooking.  Eating extra nuts or avocado on bread is great. Or adding oil, avocado, nuts, cheese and dressing to salads.  Eating more and/or extra dessert! Drinking juice/milk with all your meals. Bigger portions for lunch and dinner. Bigger snacks. Choosing fullfat products.
  
Even things like making smoothies/milkshakes with yoghurt/milk/icecream/cream and berries/fruit/oats etc, making pancakes or muffins and eating them with peanut butter/whipped cream/chocolate sauce/nuts/berries/fruit/nutella etc etc  Are good ways to eat delicious food and also get energy into you :)
   And if they are fear foods, then your also challenging yourself, which is necessary in recovery.

Its tough to gain the last few kilos and i know ti can feel unneccessary, but it is needed!!! So do your best to gain the weight, and if you are no longer going to treatment then start living life again, doing things you enjoy, that can make it easier when youre not just focusing on gaining wieght, but doing fun things as well :)

^^It almost hurts to look at the picture on the left... that was from 2012, when i was struggling with my body image, and had a bit of a 'binge/Pure/restrict' relapse and i was 4-5kg away from my goal weight.

It was after the little relapse type thing, that i actually began trying to gain weight again.

And picture on the Right is aroun 6 months later, the day before i got declared healthy and felt healthy both physically and mentally, and i liked my body alot more than what i did when i was underweight!