normal people thoughts

I remember when i was sick i always wondered, what do normal people think about? And i also wondered how normal people didnt seem to think about food so often, some even forgot to eat, i just didnt understand it. My thoughts were always on food, calories, weight, exercise, my body. I spent most of my time counting calories and thinking about calories. If i ever went out to eat or had to face a fear food i would sit and just look at what others ate and guess how much calories was in the food they were eating, and then i would wonder how could they just sit and eat and look so calm when i was freaking out over a small biscuit i had to eat. I was consumed by my eating disorder thoughts and if i wasnt thinking about food or weight or exercise i would be thinking about suicide and death or freaking out from guilt and anxiety. I remember longing to just be normal.... have normal people problems and normal people thoughts, but i didnt think that would be possible.... to one day not be consumed by numbers... to one day not be consumed with hate for my body, and one day not be consumed by self hate and suicidal thoughts.

What i can say is that it is possible to reach that mindset. But like mentioned many times before, its about change of thoughts and distractions and living life.  I dont know what everyone thinks about, and thoughts are so varied but i can say that my own normal thoughts during a day are often about school, my school work, what i should blog about, what my goals are, planning for the day and organizing and then of course some worrying about the future.  And of course there are some food thoughts such as what i should make for dinner if i dont have a meal already made, or whether i have the ingridients to make the food i am craving, but otherwise i dont spend so much time thinking about food.

My normal people problems might be a little more "sick" as i do struggle with anxiety and some form of depression so its not always "healthy thouhts or problems" i have. But for the majority of the time my problems are.... Scheduling in everything i want to do, what to wear, having enough money, school work, trying to have a clean room etc
  And i much rather choose all of these small "Problems" compared to the problems i had when i was struggling with my eating disorder. Back then all i longed for was to have a day where my worst problem was trying to find the right clothes to wear, instead of being told that i was going to spend X weeks more in hospital, or crying because the sauce had cream in it, or having an anxiety attack because my meal plan was being raised.


It is possible to reach a healthy mindset - and that should be the ultimate goal. Because without a healthy mind its hard to be 100% healthy. Because even if physical health is recommended, you also need your mind to be your friend and to be healthy as well. Your mind controls you, so you need to make sure that your thoughts are healthy.

The more focus on life and living and putting energy into things that bring you forward in life and less focus on things that hold you back or make you sick.  Its a process, just like everything else and i wish i could give you a 5 step program to be free from the obsessive thoughts but unfortunatly that is not possible. Its all up to you to try to think differently, to set up goals that bring you towards a healthy mindset.

You also need to remember that the problems you are dealing with now, they wont last forever. One day you will look back and think "wow, i actually got past that struggle, or that problem resolved itself even if i didnt think it would." (This is a reminder to myself as well - as i worry too much about current problems!)

One day, hopefully your worst problem of the day will be that you forgot to wash your hair and its greasy or that your sock has a hole in it!!!

"Who am I?" - finding yourself

One of the important things (amongst many!) in recovery is finding who YOU are. Letting go of your eating disorder or mental illness and finding yourself. Because your identity is not your eating disorder or your mental illness, even if you become known as the "sick person" or the "fragile person" or the "depressed person", that is not who you are. You may have an illness but that is not who you are, you are so much more.

Part of recovery is letting go and trying to find yourself and also learning to be and love yourself. A mental illness is also a form of an escape, an escape from life but also sometimes an escape from yourself. If you have low self esteem or low confidence you just sort of accept those, or you accept your illness as you... or you think, "i will always be sick", "I am the sick person", but that is not the case. You can choose freedom and recovery and to be who you are.

But also to not label yourself. One thing i hate is labels... I am not a recovered anorexic. I am not a gym rat. I am not a vegan. I am not a feminist. I am not depressed. I am not my cystic fibrosis. Of course, i am all of those things... but i dont want to label myself. Because i am more than labels... i am a happy girl who loves to be positive, who loves to see others happy and loves to listen to music and podcasts, loves to laugh, loves to workout, loves to learn and help others. I love to colour and love seeing colourful things, i love being motivational, i love seeing people reach their goals, i love being positive and enthusiastic in life, i love caring for others and animals and thinking about everyone. I love exercising, i love happiness, i love adventures and exploring, i love travelling, i love tattoos and animals and social media. ALL OF THOSE THINGS are who i am. I am my interests and my hobbies, i am my personality, my mind and my behaviours.

A good thing to ask yourself is.... "who am i if i dont have an eating disorder/mental illness". "Who am i if i dont exercise or if i amnt known as the 'gymrat/runner'?".

One of the things ive done in my life is to ask myself, who would i be if i didnt workout? Ive been known as the runner or the gymrat in my group od friends and my family. But you know what, i am more than that... and i dont want that label on me. So for example say if you are known as the dancer or the runner or the swimmer or the gamer.... think about what you would be without those things? And ask yourself whether those labels define you or not?

You need to find yourself and a good way to do that is to ask yourself what you enjoy doing. Do things you enjoy, look at your personality and your behaviours and who you are. But also learn to LOVE who you are.

Sure there are things i would like to change in my personality, such as i can be impatient and i dont often share my emotions or thoughts, but they make me who i am. Just like my positive thinking and positive outlook make me who i am.

You are not your illness and you need to learn to find and be yourself!


Its hard to get my point and my thoughts out correctly, but i hope that this post is somewhat coherent and maybe makes you think. Stop labelling yourself and instead find yourself. Or CREATE yourself. For example if you have been sick for many years its like you lose yourself in your illness, but then you can create yourself again by trying new things, exploring, finding what you enjoy and your personality outside of the illness and the sadness and routines!

Making excuses in life and in recovery

Something which you might find yourself doing while sick or "trying" to recover is making alot of excuses as to why you can't actually recover or challenge a fear or do something that is scary but part of recovery.

You come with all types of reasons that hold you back. Whether you say, "i will be fat if i gain weight", "i will hate myself even more when i reach my goal weight", "i wont be happy when i have reached my goal weight", "i cant gain weight because of X or Y", "I dont need to be able to eat x or y food", "i dont need to rest now even though i should - but i have energy so i'll exercise anyway", "Everyone else is exercising, so i will as well", "I cant eat my night snack that contains bread because i already ate bread for breakfast", "I can't eat lunch because i am going to go out to a restaurant to eat dinner"  etc etc etc

I often find that when i have email contact with people, trying to give them advice they often answer back with reasons or excuses as to why that advice wouldnt work for them. All reasons to get out of doing what you should/need to do. Talking yourself out of recovery and giving yourself reasons as to why you can't do something, but all that is doing is holding you back. All the excuses you make just keep you sick and is your illness talking for you, trying to keep you in your comfort zone and not have to face your fears.

But it is when you drop those excuses and begin to really make a change that you begin to progress in recovery.

While i was sick i often gave the reason that i didnt like certain foods so that i wouldnt have to eat them. But once i began to be honest with myself and to try those foods again i realised that so many of the foods i said i didnt like, i actually liked. And many of the foods i did eat i didnt even like, but ate them because they were low calories.

Excuses aren't just in recovery, but in life in general as well. Giving excuses that hold us back in life... of course not all reasons are excuses, i.e sometimes when i dont want to go out due to being very tired that isnt an excuse, that is an actual valid reason just like if someone who has celiac disease say they dont eat gluten that isnt an excuse it is an actual reason.

At times your illness can be a valid reason and sometimes an excuse. For example say if you have plans to meet friends but then your depression or anxiety hits hard and you feel that you can barely function due to it, then it is an actual valid reason as to why you might not go out. But then if you have just a little anxiety or worry about what you might do or worried about the evening because of the unknown or whatever so  you give the excuse, "i can't i am too tired", when in reality it is just a little anxiety and that actually facing that anxiety and leaving would be the best option and most helpful in the long term. If you get the difference? Hard to explain in text.


It is time to stop holding yourself back, both in life and recovery and be honest with yourself. Are you making excuses to get out of things that need to be done or should be done? Are you holding yourself back from progressing in life and/or recovery?

Ed recovery problems

When your body uses all of its energy to repair your organs that it doesn’t have enough to keep you awake

When you get better at handling/avoiding triggers

When you first try to survive a meal without knowing its calories

Reuniting with a fear food that you used to love pre-ED

When you approach your ED/recovery with a sense of humor but people around you aren’t sure whether they’re allowed to laugh

When your ED defies all logic to lie to you

Trying to balance schoolwork even though you’re so focused on your recovery

Sitting around, being bored, and doing absolutely nothing (as scheduled) in the treatment center

Losing weight before going into inpatient care? Not sick enough? Feeling like a fake "eating disorder" - answer

I have a question for ya that I already know the answer to but I think i need to hear it from someone else. I'm waiting on insurance acceptance to be hospitalized and it probably will take a week more. i feel very motivated to recover but i dont want to start now because i almost want to be as sick as possible before i go to the hospital. i dont want to gain 5 lbs this week and then go there and have to gain more weight. my bmi is only like X and the average bmi at the hospital im going to is Y so i feel like a fake. ive been eating even less than usual despite my motivation to recover because insurance is taking so long to let me get treatment. thoughts?

First off these thoughts you have of "not being sick enough" are actually signs that you are sick. Because most normal people dont want to be sick or feel fake if they aren't sick. For example if someone breaks their arm and needs to go to hospital it is not like they decide "might as well break my fingers as well as i am going to hospital anyway". You say that you are motivated to recover, so why not begin now.... right away and make your stay at hospital shorter. Because one way or another you will need to gain the weight and if you lose weight before going to hospital it means you will have to be there even longer, and that isnt something you should want.

Also you can not know the weight or BMI of other patients, but also the weight or BMI of someone does not define how bad someones eating disorder is or how much they struggle. There are many who are normal weight but struggle several with an eating disorder, weightloss or weight gain (i.e if someone struggles with binge eating) are just symptoms of the eating disorder.

Yyou need to truly decide that you want to recover and to fully recover i.e change your thoughts and your mindset. Because weight gain is just part of recovery, but it is the whole mental aspect you need to change. And if you go into treatment thinking "i am not sick enough, i have not lost enough weight, i am a fake and begin comparing yourself to everyone in treatment" then the chances are that you might not even accept the help you are given and that it wont really matter if you are intreatment or not because you arent fully motivated to recover.

All treatment does is give you support and be the "guard" which you might not have at home i.e the staff will make you eat and rest, which you might not do while you are at home otherwise. But also they might offer therapy and other group activities to help you recover. But recovery comes from the inside and motivation to recover, it is something YOU  have to want and it is better to find that motivation before going into treatment because otherwise you will just be there, hate it and hate everyone there and not follow rules and just waste money being there. .But if you are motivation to recover, then you will accept the help given and sooner be back to life.

You are NOT a fake for wanting to recover. I.e it is so easy to begin comparing yourself to others in treatment. I always thought i was so fat while in treatment, i wondered what i was doing there when i was already huge... i wondered why i had to eat the most when i was already the biggest there. Also eventually when i did begin to like the food i ate i felt like such a fake... if i ever did feel hungry before a meal i would feel like such a failure, when you know what.. it is the opposite. If you accept the help YOU are the winner. You are the one who wants life back and is doing your best to be healthy so that you can live life.

Going in and out of hospital is 1) Expensive 2) You are wasting your own life 3) You miss out on so much and 4) Not fun. There seems to be a competition between patients and those who are sick about who has had the most inpatient stays or hospital visits or who has had tube feeding or a wheel chair or the longest stay in hospital. But it is so completely disordered. I mean, i could go to my friends and be like "Hhey.... i've spent atleast 25% of my life in hospital at this point in my life... Yeah, go me i am so sick" (hahahah, just writing that made me cringe). That of course is nothing i would ever do, because being sick is not an achievment. BEING IN HOSPITAL IS NOT AN ACHIEVEMENT. As many who are disordered seem to think.


Realise that one way or another you will gain the weight. So either you can do it at home or in treatment, but it is much better to spend as little time as hospital as you can and instead find the motivation within you to gain the weight and choose healthy and recovery and fight against your eating disorder. Because in the end, eventually you will be home agian and you will have to be able to eat and rest and fight the disordered thoughts. You are not a fake for eating, you are not a fake for gaining weight, you are not a fake for recovering. Just having those thoughts - that you arent sick enough or a fake, are signs that you are sick.

Find your motivation to recover!!!


I have some posts with similar topics which might help you :)

Being admitted as an inpatient
Comparisons between patients
Not sick enough - an eating disorder mentality
Comparison - an ED thing
Coping with recovery and weight gain
I dont have an eating disorder because....
Helpful tips after inpatient care
Motivation to change comes from the inside
You have to want and choose recovery for yourself (TRIGGER warning pictures in this post)
Feeling greedy, fat or lazy in eating disoder recovery
Lies your eating disorder tells you
Things learnt in recovery

 I hope this helps you!!! Choose recovery, life and health!

ED recovery problems

Pizza night on the unit

When I’m told x food is a “bad” food

When I get really harsh reality checks

When someone says you will gain tons of weight eating x amount of calories

Calling out the lies ED told me

When people try to touch me while I have a panic attack

Thinking about when my ED first started

ED recovery problems

Thinking about the beginning of your ED

Finally telling someone about your ED behaviours

Bloating after meals

Final exams while in recovery

"Maybe you just need to eat like a normal person!"

People who won’t stop talking about their new diet

Challenge meal day

ED recovery problems

When ED urges hold you back from recovery

Sitting around, being bored, and doing absolutely nothing (as scheduled) in the treatment center

Taking pride in your recovery wins, even if they don’t seem like a big deal to anyone else

Processing hard-to-explain thoughts in therapy

Hearing about a ‘magical,’ new crash diet

Not being comfortable enough to be the only one eating in a group of people

Embarking on Recovery

When your family supervise you at meal times…

Becoming attached to recovery and making ti harder to let go of your eating disorder

I found this post which i very much agree with, to some extent and felt i needed to post it. Because i have wanted to write a similar post, just havent found the time.

     Online communities can be helpful but also very destructive as it makes you identify with your eating disorder even more. There is competitiveness and it becomes alot harder to break free because then you feel you are no longer allowed in that little recovery group. There is also alot of comparison, thinking that you arent sick enough or you are too big to be sick or you are eating enough... or wondering why others are 'allowed' to exercise and you arent. 

   Its important to find health, true recovery and ACTUALLY break free from your eating disorder.

And on a side note, yes i have broken free from my eating disorder for a long time ago... my blog is a way to use my past experience to help others, not to hold onto my eating disorder.

Text source from HERE

Online Communities: a place for posting recipes, photographs, inspiring quotes and most importantly, connecting and knowing you’re not the only one trying to get out of the horrific mess of an eating disorder. But are these communities helpful? Do they harm us and our recoveries?

You see, when people think of harmful communities, minds switch immediately to thoughts of pro-ana: a shocking and destructive community that promotes anorexia via extreme methods. It is a place where being egged on to ultimately destroy your body (and your life, relationships… everything, really) is the norm and weight-loss hungry individuals become slaves to ‘thinspiration’ worthy ‘icons’. However, there are also communities (think tumblr, blog spot) that promote recovery. The people that belong to these communities post photographs of meals, report their progress and communicate to support each other. “Wonderful!”, you might think. I know I certainly did when I entered recovery and continued to for a number of years. I thought that this online world was a safe place; a place where people understood me. It was an escape from the outside world where nobodyreally knew what was going on in my head, not even my therapist it seemed. But these people did; and so I made them my friends and my primary support network. It was a relief to have these people around me. They made me feel like what I was doing was ok and my behaviours were completely unalarming. However, it isn’t until I look back that I see the flaws in these communities and how much they slowed and prevented a full recovery. They became almost addictive and they were my only reassurance at times. More dangerously, they lead me to accept that living with these disordered behaviours was the usual: as if being rid of them would make me an exceptional case. The thing is, I didn’t want to be an exception. I wanted to be like them; it was another world to prove myself to and it triggered another desire to fit in. Spending so much time on these sites also meant that my perception of health was constantly warped. There were hundreds upon hundreds of individuals claiming to be “recovered/in remission” who were still living an incredibly disordered lifestyle and engaging in a variety of disordered behaviours (examples include excessive activity and relying on ‘diet’ food choices). I believe that this affects many of those in recovery as it distorts the realistic view of remission. I can also argue that for those who are truly happy in remission would not feel the urge to post about their eating disorder or make a point of ‘intuitive eating’ on a daily basis. As someone who is in remission, I can tell you that food is now simply food and I would have eaten most of it - if not all, by the time I thought to whip the camera out. Yet from these people, I was aiming for something that wasn’t realistic for the average individual, let alone someone in recovery: a slim, toned body whilst eating intuitively with regular (daily) exercise. Let’s face it, if that was a true reflection of recovery then we’d be rid of nearly all our fears. Recovery is not as simple, ‘attractive’ or ‘clean’ - whatever that means, as these people can make it out to be. Most of us have to endure bloating, a disproportionate body and obviously exercise is a big no-no. Not to mention the importance of eating a balanced diet (including fried foods etc.) and obtaining a sustainable lifestyle – i.e. oatmeal/porridge for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday for the rest of your life is not going to satisfy you and your every need. Having such influences on a daily basis landed me in a vicious cycle of meeting calorie goals (all of which were ffaaaaaarrrrrrrr too low) followed by a period of restriction. Again, these online communities made this feel normal to me. There were people falling back into restriction left, right and centre. We were each others support and downfall without even realising it. Others would post photos of their new weights. Of course, they were doing so well but god forbid they looked smaller than me else I would convince myself I was ‘overdoing’ recovery and all aboard restriction and blah, blah, blah.
There was also a great sense of ‘belonging’ to these communities which was extremely destructive to my recovery. I’d almost lost sense of the real world and it was another phase that I never wanted to leave: it kept my life revolving around anorexia when really I should have been rebuilding relationships and other aspects of life. I should have been looking to ‘healthy’ individuals for inspiration and not those in the same boat as me. It fed my obsession with anorexia (a label I strangely loved having) and without me realising it, diminished my chances of moving on. 
Of course I am not suggesting that all online communities are harmful. I know that some allow you to truly thrive and battle recovery head on (these are usually moderated forums) but there are a vast amount that can have a negative impact on our mindset, however good their intentions. There can be underlying competitiveness and the conflicting views and ideas as to what ‘healthy’ is trip us up before we even know it. The communities often become central to recovery until the individual is reliant upon other sufferers and use other’s progress to help them feel better about their own. Having the strength to move on and focus on your health alone is vital for a full recovery. I cannot stress enough how important it is that those in recovery involve themselves in the real world again as early on into recovery as possible: rebuild your relationships, pick up old hobbies, whatever it is that you used to enjoy doing. Remember, recovery is about regaining life, not just health. By attaching yourself to the online world you run the risk of becoming attached to recovery - as silly as that may sound

Eating normal foods

How did you manage / convince yoursel not to eat anymore fatless /fatfree/sugarfree/sugarless item to eat "normal" plain food ?
I am struggling ... i just can't help myself when i go shopping scrutinising label to find the less fat quark or yogurt, les suger jam ou fruit dairy, less fat cheese and so one for everything....
I am alway aiming for 0% products.....
If not i feel so stressed when I have have to eat normal plain food....I just could cry when I have to eat regulat or plain yogurt/quark/cottage cheese?



To start off, i know how you are feeling, i used to feel the same way. Eating 2% yoghurt was the worst thing i know. The amount of arguments i had in the shop with my mum when she told me that we had to buy 2% and not 0,5% yoghurt is crazy. I even had a time when i got so much anxiety over the fact that we wouldn't buy low fat yoghurt or milk that i ran out of the shop and kept walking for about 2 hours straight, refusing to answer my mobile and my mum threatened to call the police if i didn't return. That type of thinking, that type of behaviour is crazy to me now. But it was a control thing, a fear and an anxiety. I thought that if  i were to eat the 2% yoghurt with a 10kcal difference, suddenly i would balloon up in weight. I felt like my body was expanding, just looking at the yoghurt... but that is NOT the case.
  And the most important advice/tip i can give is to face the fear. Because nothing bad will happen because you don't eat low fat. If im honest, the low fat options often aren't all the great.. just because they are low in fat doesn't mean they are better, infact they are often filled with other additives.

One thing with low fat products is that, they often dont fill you up... they are low calorie and often very light.. i.e the yoghurt is really runny, the milk is like water, the low fat bars are tiny... so within an hour or even 30 minutes you might be hungry again. Which can be a good thing if you are in recovery, to feel hungry and want to eat more. And then with the normal products, because they have a normal energy amount, and are filled with all the good stuff - instead of just additives and chemicals - they fill you up longer, which can be a downfall because then maybe you are filled up too long. HOWEVER, With the normal fat % products, you dont need to eat as much. Which is a BENEFIT in recovery, because it can be hard on your stomach to eat the amount you need. So buy choosing higher fat products you dont need to eat as much, compared to if you buy the lower fat or no fat products you need to eat double the amount to even make you full and to get the right energy amount.

Also think like this... What is your goal? I am pretty sure your goal isnt and SHOULDNT be weightloss. So why do you need the low fat products? Its not like eating the normal ones will make you gain weight, because lots of people eat the normal fat products and dont gain weight, they are a normal weight and a healthy weight. But the low fat products are often for those on a diet or need to lose weight, but im sure YOU dont. 

  Instead, buy the 3% yoghurt, but the delicious 10% greek yoghurt instead of the runny-doesnt-taste-like-greek-yoghurt 3% one. Go for the 34% cheese instead of the 15% cheese....  Go for full fat milk instead of skim milk.

    Your body will feel alot better with it. Instead of just having these chemically made ones.

Recovery ISNT about easy or about comfort. Its not about listening to the voice in your head and doing what feels comfortable. Its about facing your fears. ALL OF THEM. You cant live a healthy life with a fear of 2% yoghurt. That isnt healthy. So you need to face that fear.

Begin with, one week buying normal jam and full fat milk... use those 2 products. Get rid of the sugar free/skimmed milk... just face those fear foods everyday until they no longer give you anxiety. You have tobe STRICT with yourself. Dont let yourself listen to the voice in your head. Know that everything will be ok... Then the next week, buy full fat yoghurt and another of your fear food and keep facing them (as well as the others) until they are no longer fear foods.

  The only way to make a fear no longer a fear is to face them. Find a motto or mantra you can tell yourself when it gets tough, know that you are doing a GOOD thing by facing your fears. It might not feel all that good in the beginning, but it gets easier. Soon you will realise that you go into the shop and just buy the product you want, you dont sto and look at the nutrional value or fat procent. Because that doesnt matter to you.

  Give it a try... see what happens.

For me, the way i got over the fear was by facing it. At Mando all the foods were normal fat procent, so i had no choice. But when i was at home i wanted the low fat products but my mum became very strict and soon i wasn't allowed to go food shopping with her because each time i went we would begin arguing, i would begin crying, i would storm out and have a panic attack because of the anxiety. So each time my mum came home with the food shopping (when i was a day patient) i knew she would come home with normal products. It took a long time until i actually managed to eat those at home, if you know my story you know that for the first year at Mando whenever i was at home i just cheated with my food and did wrong, hence why i was an inpatient 4/5 times at Mando.

  But then when i had choosen recovery i knew that i had to eat the food we had at home. I couldnt argue with my mum , i had to argue with the voice in my head. Prove to my mum that i could be normal and eat the food we had at home and prove to my ED that i was stronger than it.

Now when i am healthy the food we have at home is the food we like. I dont always go food shopping so i just eat whatever my parents buy... some weeks its 0,5% yoghurt, other weeks its 3,5%. Milk is always the standard milk, cottage cheese is the normal fat procent etc etc

   Food is not chosen based on the nutritonal value or fat procent,but based on what we like, and thats how it should be!

Of course, buying a low fat product doesn't automatically make you sick, but being able to eat either or.. not being scared of food that has a higher fat content is important. You should feel relaxed eating whatever :) Ex. somedays i want a questbar, otherdays i want chocolate. Its balance. Some weeks we eat high fat procent yoghurt, other weeks we eat lower fat procent. Its all ok.

I hope this advice is a little helpful to you anyway!

^^How our fridge typically looks after food shopping ;)

The first steps of recovery

After thinking about it for a while i realised that no stage in recovery is easier than the other... Beginning to recover, beginning to face fear foods, beginning to socialize again, trying to overcome the half recovery stage and finally letting go of your eating disorder. They are all stages, with no directions... no manual of what to do, what to expect, how to act. Its a fumble in a dark night.... but you need to keep going. To keep fighting that voice in your head.

Taking the first steps towards recovery is tough... for so long you have listened to the voice in your head but now you want to fight against it.

My first tip is to give 150% towards recovery, everyday. Its not enough to think, oh ill eat breakfast but then decide to skip both lunch and dinner... that's one step forward and 2 steps back. Instead you need to accept the fact that It will be hard. One of the hardest things you will have done. There will be anxiety and guilt, or maybe you are just really lucky and super motivated that actually... its not that hard. Everyone is different, and if its not hard then that is AWESOME. :) It will make recovery easier :)
   But you need to follow your meal plan, do what your doctors/parents/staff say. YES, you will go against the voice in your head, but that is what you need to do.
  Think, if you want to live life the way you are living now, then keep doing what you are doing. But if you want a change you have to make it.
  But also, don't think you can be healthy with an under weight, or be healthy but still have fear foods. That's not true recovery... all these ED behaviours and ED thoughts, YOU need to fight to get rid of them.

Second, Seek help and support. Whether its your family, friends, partner, a therapist or even a doctor. They should all be there to help, support and motivate you. No, they might not understand what you are going through, but having someone to talk to, someone by your side or someone standing over you, making sure you eat... that's important and helpful in recovery. Don't suffer in silence.

Know that recovery takes time. Don't expect to recover in a month or in 2 months... give it time. A minimum of 6months... Maybe you only need to gain a few kilo, or maybe you don't need to gain weight at all. But an eating disorder is a mental illness, its the thoughts you need to get rid of .And that takes time... its a process of becoming stronger than the voice, not listening to what your ED tells you. Learning to love yourself, improve your self esteem. Learning to live life again and learn new healthy coping mechanisms.
 But also, the longer you feel healthy, both physically and mentally the less likely you are to relapse.

Set up goals and motivators. Things to keep you going, to remind you of WHY you chose to recover in the first place. Maybe have a goal set up that when you reach your goal weight you will do something you've wanted to do or buy yourself something you've wanted.
 
Last but not least, one of the most important steps is to Want recovery for YOU. Its not enough to just want to recover for your family or partner. Or because you want to go on that holiday in 2 months time... but you have to want it for yourself. To know that there is more to life than this... that you don't have to suffer, be unhappy, live with all the thoughts going round in your head. But also to remember that the work has to come from YOU. Nobody else can do it for you, and either you can choose to recover in 6 weeks time or that it takes you 6 years to recover... that choice is up to you. But you have to let go of your ED sometime. Recovery should be YOUR choice... though yes of course, sometimes you need that kick in the butt to get you to actually choose recovery.

Remember, if you aren't recovering from your ED, you are dying from it.