Not a great start.

I hate myself. i hate my body. its like i can feel that ive gone up in wieght. my clothes dont hang, as much, they still do. and they're like a 34-36?
  
My alarm didnt go off this morning, so i woke up on my own accord, but thankfully ive gotten into waking at 7.20 am.
  i slept really badly last night. worried abotu today.

I got mum to ring, to tell Mando that id be in for 10, instead of 8. i had my breakfats anyway, but she couldnt get hold of anyone.
  
Then as i was getting ready. i stared at my clothes in disgust.

too tight.
too loose.
it hangs on me.
that doesn go with that.
that makes my belly stick out.
that makes my legs look big.
that makes me look fat.
my hari doesnt look good with that.


etc etc


i changed and i changed. still not comfortable in anything.
   i stared at my legs, i cant wrap my two hadns around my upper leg. i can feel fat on my stomach. my legs jangle. my bum jangles.... everything.
  im no longer me. im no longer thin.]

I couldnt think straight, i jsut started kicking my clothes about, a real abd tantrum, like a two year old.

but i was soo upset. how can this eb happening ot my body?
   what am i putting myself through? im no longer pretty. im just ugly. no one will want me.

I serisouly cant stand my body. i jsut want to dislocate my mind from my body.

Ill never have accepted it by summer, i wont be comfortable without tights or leggings, or going ot the beach, wearing a bikini.
   its jsut too much. i dont want ot go through this, all the changes.

I just want my mind healthy, not my body.