Fuck Anorexia.

Normal. yes, thats how i felt.
   When i went into town today.  i felt good. normal. Yes. i can go shopping, i can look in shops, buy a coffee and wonder around.
   im not a girl, who has hardly eaten anything today, because shes too scared to. im not a girl who has too many secrets shes trying to keep control of and keep secret. im not a girl who would rather jump off a bridge than eat cream.
  Im not a girl who has an eating disorder.]


Im a normal girl. with no bigger problems than, boys, hair, make up and money issues.


Thats how i want to be.  i dont want to worrry about food. about my weight. Do people judge me, look at me diferently, treat me any differently cus im 40kg, or 60kg?
  the only difference is, that when im 40kg, i might feel sexy but everyone else looks at me in disgust. WOw, that girl is thin. is it even safe for her t be out, it looks like she about ot collapse. when im 40kg, i dont even have the energy to be out. i look pale, dead, i dont want to be that. (ok, the body mybe?)

Im the only one who judges myself by my weeght. but whats hte point?
   #Today i realised, while i was out. i didnt have the energy, ive been telling myself. i have energy, im healthy. i can go dancing. but honestly, no i couldnt. being in town, for jsut 2 hours. and when i came home, i collapsed onto the sofa, dead tired. i shouldnt be like that. Of course, even normal people would, after 2 hours of walking.
   but i felt it, in eveyr muscle, every bone. im too tired.


i dont want to live like this.

Its time to get rid of it. but i can tell you this, even as im writing this, my mind is slowly going back to - dont eat. what will it make a difference if you eat? its best to jsut not eat. you look better then. slowly being scared. not wanting to be normal. i

its worth being thin, sitting in a hospital. jsut to be thin. No, it really isnt. im a  day patient now (Monday, anyway.) i have a second chance, a second chance to do right.
  
Do i want to be in hospital for summer? No... im planing, ice cream, tanning, shopping, picnics, friends, swimming, FUN! - thats what i want for summer.... but i do worry about... last summer, i was at my thinnest. wearing a bikini felt good, soemdays cus i didnt have any tummy fat and my legss and arms were toned, tight. now i ccan say... i wont be like that.
   but maybe by the time its tiime to wear bikinis and sun bathe, ill be happier in my body?

My plans for summer ^^^

Would you rather date this - 

or this?