Mando results.

It went both good and bad today.
 
Its safe to say that i was shocked when i found out that i had lost weight. :/ I mean, i know i had lost like 0,5-1kg.. i wrote that yesterday... but i knew i had gained weight aswell? so what happened?
  I almost started crying... i mean... whats happeneing? ive been eating so much recently, and i was sure that i had gained weight from what i was a few weeks ago... apparently not.
   My case manager wasnt angry at me, which was good.. i would actually have started crying if she gave out to me.
  Of course, shee doesnt know what to do with me... we had said that if i came back this time and hadnt gained weight..(usch, i had actually lost weight. -_-) then i'd go back to day patients.
  But i think she saw how heart broken i was, and i explained how motviated i really am and have given it everything i have. Eaten so much food, like loads of junk ontop of all the food ive been eating.. its almost embarrassing. Hence, why i havent written any food diaries... :/
   so she decided that instead i would go back in two weeks and take it from there. And see if i havent gained weight i might  go back to day patients, or she will talk to the doctor and see.
   The thing is that i fulfill 6 of 7 criteria to get declared healthy.. the last one is to actually have a BMI of 19 or more.
   Im in this like partially declared healthy zone.... and she says that by the end of summer, if we've tried everything and i havent gained the weight, then i will be declared healthy anyway..
    That makes me happy. Of course, you might think that that would mean that i wont gain the weight. But the fact is, they're gonna Make me go  back to daypatients if i cant gain the weight.
   I dont know what more i can do though... it makes me feel like such a failure... Why cant i gain weight? I mean, i can lose weight so easily. if i wanted to, i could easily lose 10kg in a matter of weeks.

It wasnt all bad at Mando though... i did do Wii-base (if you dont know what that is READ HERE
   And the lunch was really nice... its strange how a year ago, i remember writing posts about how awful the lunch was. It was hell on earth, the worst thing possible..i never thought id enjoy the lunch at Mando.
  I did today though!! haha..

It was pasta with a creamy sauce with sun dried tomatoes, chicken and olive... Really nice! - A year ago, that would have caused so much anxiety.. i would have set up a fight if they made me eat it.
   Of course, it felt strange sitting there with my Mando meter, and then having to eat on it... Just strange!! Hahah... to like see if i eat normal? Weird. Weird. Weird.

  And then of course... a very good news!! I havent used my Mando meter in c.a a year but i havent given it back... But today i did!! No more... hahah XD (of course i havent had to use it anyway! but still... just the sight of it here at home... uurrghh)

My case manager did make me feel a little better thogh by telling me that i shouldnt feel like a failure because i am pretty much healthy... i live a normal life. I can do things which i couldnt do a year ago. I can eat things i couldnt eat a year ago.. im a whole different person and all the things ive gone through and fought my way to the place i am now... so i did feel a bit better.
    But i didnt leave with my usualy motivational spirits. I jsut felt down... low. Wanted to go home and lie in bed and cry.
   But of course, my lovely D invited me over if i wanted to talk or just take my mind off things.

Hope everyone has had a good day..

I am completly exhausted now... :/¨

Time to curl up in bed with the computer in my lap, and some tea and cheese sandwiches by my side!! :)