Day patiant?

Woke this morning and the only thing i wanted o do was cry. i dont know what it was, or is. i just felt upset. i wanted to scream as well.

   i ploughed through breakfast, feeling sick half way through. it feels as if my belly has shrunk... bu it obviously hasnt as my weigh is going up? (Thought scares me. i hate thinking about it. wieght gain is so horrible.)

    And then, my case manager told me she wanted to speak to me - i was preparing myself for the worst. she never wants to talk to me, unless its to tell me bad news. so i wasnt looking forward to that. i wanted time to just fly by, so that i can get this day over with but at hte same time i wanted it to go slowly so i could jsut postpone the talk, prepare myself.

   But she told me - that tomororow is the meeting when they kind of see whos ready to be a day patiant... and im one!! Yes! they're going to talk about me becoming day patiant, and if its not this week it might eb someitme next week!! YESH!

   and i was thinking id maybe bring it up next week. :) hahah.... im soo happy.. but at the same time... kind of scared. cus i hate it to hell here, ive been back for 5 weeks (shit.... it feels like SO much more.) but im comfortable here. and i know that at home... i dont do right. and if i dont do right, it wont be long till im back in to HDV. but i want to be out for good.

   once im out, i want to stay out.

When i told mum however... she didnt seem so pleased. i thought shed be glad. but i know, she knows that i cheat. and tat things might not go well.

but i might get to be home when we move apartment... :) hehe.. like i wanted!

Today is the CF clinic. dont want to go. the only reason is cus i want to get out of HDV. stop having the glaring look of al the staff.

   but my case manager wants to come aswell> What? why?

 So that means, i cant get away from Mando for just like an hour. and it means i cant talk to my mum privately, shes gonna sit there and listen. but i cant tell her to not come. :/

Also, when i ecome a day patiant. im gonna haev to start going to school. i dont want to.

   cant i jsut skip school? i dont want to go to the actual building, see hte other pupils. the school work... well i ont mind it, but i wissh i could jstu know everything i hate having to study. i dont have the energy or concentration to study.

    But i dont want to be seom stupid bimbo, so i know i have to. but i dont have the energy to do it on my own. :/

Hmm... i jsut wan to be out of HDV, so have to make things work at home!