Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: [email protected]

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Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Stress anxiety

After practically no time in school - and no 'actual' lessons today, i came home feeling extremly tired. On the way home from school i was feeling really irritated... at everyone. Haha. I was getting annoyed/irritated at all these small things - people walking to slowly, people looking at me, no seat on the tram etc. (Silly things which never bother me... well, slow walking people do!!) By the time i got home my energy was at zero. So i ate a snack.... a HUGE one. i.e 2 bowls of yoghurt with nuts,seeds coconut flakes. I still feel sick 3 hours later. :/
 
But when i sat down to start working, i almost wanted to burst into tears. Its roughly 3 more school weeks left, and my list of assignements and tests isnt decreasing, its just getting larger. More and more assignments are being added to the list. And they're not small assignements. They're 4-5 page essays i need to write. And i just dont have the motivation. I want to creep into bed and never wake up.
  I almost felt my self starting to panic and hyperventilate. I just sat staring at the list. I felt this angry bubble form inside of me, and i wanted to scream. Smash plates.... go to the gym and just lift some heavy ass weights. Though i couldnt do either..... :/ So i resorted to writing in my diary. Which helped a litte. I also just lay in my bed, cuddling my dog for a half hour or so. Letting the anxiety pass.... letting myself cool down.
   
Now, im feeling a little better. Though i still feel really anxious and stressed and tired. And just feeling like going to sleeep and never waking up.
  I knew this would happen sooner or later. I cant deal with stress. When im stressed i lose my apetite, i feel depressed and at times can resort to self harm to cope - yes, over the past  year (since ive recovered) i have self harmed to try to cope with my stress.
   I hate stress, and sometimes i feel like just dropping out of school to avoid stress. I am old enough that legally i am allowed to drop out of school. Thogh im not so sure what i would do with my life then, and i wouldnt get 'study grants' or whatever its called.
  So its not exactly a good situation to put myself into. And the fact that i do want to continue studying and get a carrier when im older.
 
Going through a tough time write now... :/ And of course, today was my sisters last day of school - she's graduating this summer. And she did her last test today!! (Congratulations to her!! She is great!! She goes the IB program , so its a tough course!) But i can say, im very jealous that she has now finished school. Though i guess she has the pressures of choosing whether to continue and study to college or to work...

Usch. When will life get easier? :/


3 comments:

  1. I know exactly what you mean, I'm in the last few weeks of school and with exams/papers/end of the year assignments my head is about to explode :/ but I just keep telling myself, only a few weeks left, then I can relax and hang out with friends and go to the beach :) We're so close to the end, we just have to push through these last few weeks when it's so easy to let motivation slip!

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    Replies
    1. I know, it is so stressful and hectic the last weeks of school... :/ Its alot to do, and in so little time. But time managment and planning are key!! So im trying to remember that ;)
      You're exactly right, we're so close to the end!! And soon it will be summer, and all the stress will be worth it!! haha. Then we can relax :)

      We've just got to get through these few weeks!

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  2. This post definitely made me smirk, because it's so accurate. I feel the exact same way. But I don't have the positive outlook most others might. Haha. I'm just a bundle of "Don't talk to me until school is out". Which of course gets me nowhere.
    We can do this! Only a few weeks left, and then we can enjoy our summer. (:

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