Something which i have mentioned before, but will say again is that... i am so bad at accepting compliments!!
Over the past while... ive gotten even worse.
I put such a high standard for myself, and expect myself to live up to those standards, even though i must admit... some are unreachable:/
I wont allow myself to 'be happy' over small accomplishments. I wont let anyone give me praise or congratulate me...
When i got an A on my swedish assignment, which i really didnt think i would get... i was happy for about 1 second. Before i was like... well, just cus i got A this time, doesnt mean i'll get it all the time. And got angry whenever anyone was going to congratulate me...
My mum was happy so she wanted to buy ice cream to 'celebrate' (hahah XD) but no, i wouldnt allow that. I wouldnt have any celebrating... because then it felt like a.... you¨'re only good if you get an A. And i had almost started stressing and put even more pressure on myself, because now i have to live up that standard of A in swedish. So instead of being happy... i just felt stresssed and sad.
And then today, when my house won the song competition. I was happy and felt proud, until i came home and told my mum we had won... she startedt o congrtualte me... but i got all cross. Telling her that she wasnt allowed to congrtulate me, as i didnt do anything... yes i sang, but really. It wouldnt have made a adifference if i was there or not...
I dont allow anyone to be nice to me....
I have this shield up. If anyone compliments me, i find it so hard to just accept and say thank you.... but in the end, if you keep saying 'no. I dont look good. ' No, im fat' or whatever... just rejecting the compliment, in the end you wont get any.... :/
Its something i have to work on... its a mental thing... sometimes it still feels like i dont allow myself to be happy because im so scared that if im happy, something bad will happen and then ill be sad again. So i prefer to jsut be neutral... not be happy, not be sad... it keeps things in balance.
I have a history and been through so much, that i hate getting my hopes up about something. Or being happy, because it only takes amatter of minutes, or so before something comes and ruins that happiness... now a days its usually me 'negative' mind that ruins my happiness :/
We all have to learn to be kind to ourselves and accept compliments!! It might be hard, but it is a good thing to be able to do!!!
After a 5 year struggle with anorexia (with purging tendencies), depression, self harm and over exercising I have now been recovered for 4 years and i use my blog to help others in the same situation i once was. I am now a happy and positive person who wants to inspire those struggling to choose recovery and to take control over life and happiness again!
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i really understand you. i hate compliments. When someone say something like that: ' wow, you're pretty and skinny ' or like that ' you're really good at drawing, you're so talented ' i am sad and angry. In this situations i always say ' no, i'm not, i'm ugly, fat, failure' i think that they're liars and they laugh at me :(
ReplyDeleteAwww I understand you so well - I have the same problem!!!:S We need to learn how to give ourselves more credit for what we do...and never think of the things we DON'T do...because we tend to do that...we should take a look back of what we already DID do...and actually that is A LOT....I mean, we've been through so much!!! Especially you Izzy, you're such a role model and you shouldn't be afraid of any compliments!!!:D
ReplyDeleteAnd now something COMPLETELY off topic haha where I need your non-ED-related advice:D:
I got inspired for trying a different haircolour and decided on light fairy blonde - quite the colour you used to have, hehe imitating much??:D Honestly I've had this idea wandering around in my mind for quite a long time actually....only never dared to haha;)
However I think my natural haircolour is quite like yours....sort of middle-goldish blonde but now it's slightly reddish as I had it tinted red some time ago....
Anyways, my question: what are your recommendations on how to do it best??:D On my own maybe with help with hair dye (or tint only?) or should I get it done by a hairdresser...? Or something totally different haha?;) Which do you think is better? :)
xxx
Btw I'm commenting as 'Rose'....I'm to lazy to log into my wordpress now xD
Hey :)
ReplyDeleteBeing able to accept accomplishments and allow ourselves to bw happy over our achievements is something very important. So it's definitely something we should learn ..... or teach ourselves to be better!!!
Haha. Don't worry you're not imitating :) I wouldn't mind anyway!
Hmmm.... I can't say I'm the best with what colour to use? But if you think it will suit.... really try to picture yourself (even though it can be hard) wit that hair colour. And ask people what they think aswell :) if you want to try then go for it!! Haha
I've always dyed my hair at home apart from once whenI was gonna go magenta!!!(pink) and then once I've got my Hair bleached in the salon. But going to the hair dressers always results jn an expensive bill... but I guess it looks just that bit better as they usually know what colour to go for.
But if you've found a hair dye (at home kit) which will suit ... then do it at home... WITH the help of a friend or someone who knows how to dye hair!!!
The end results can always vary and you can end up with hair you hate.... so be prepared for that!!! XD
And I would start by trying to find a hair dye which only lasts 6-8 weeks. Cus then you can get used to the colour and if you like it.... when it starts to fade you can put in a permanent colour :)
Good luck!!!