Life without Anorexia

My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at: [email protected]

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What a day.....

I woke up this morning, already feeling stressed about the day.... i just wanted to get my school day over with, and it hadnt even begun yet. 
   This morning i started feeling really weird in my stomach... like there were bubbles in my stomach.  And i did not feel good at all... it felt like i would puke. But i went to school anyway, as i couldn't miss today. 
    
For my first lesson, i was going to have my debate in Swedish. But my partner, the one who i was supposed to be working with (though he didnt do anything at all) didn't even show up. So i got someone else to be the opposing team. 
    I also got my results of the swedish test which i had had a few weeks ago, and i can say im very happy with the results ;) 

Then when it was lunch time, and my stomach was feeling a bit better, it was as usual on Tuesdays, crowded in the lunchroom. When i sat down and began eating, i noticed a small insect in my salad...  Ewwww
  Just seeing it, made my stomach turn, and the little which i had eaten was threatening to come back up. I threw the food away and food didnt look very appetizing anymore. 

After lunch i had my civics test.... and its hard to know how it went. I didnt feel prepared at all, but did the best i could. A little less than 2 hours of school left and finally home.
    I had planned on maybe meeting D today, but dont feel i have the energy. And all i really want to do now is go home and wrap myself in a hundred blankets and relax.



18 comments:

  1. Love your outit today! You look stunning!

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  2. so you didn't eat lunch? Starting to feel a bit worried about you.. :/ sure you are ok?

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    1. Dont worry i am fine ;) I mean it wasnt a choice not to eat lunch... more that, when you find an insect in your food, then it just isnt so appetizing anymore & my stomach has been acting all weird today.
      But i came home and replenished my energy again :) So dont worry ;) But thank you for your concern. :)

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    2. Yes I understand that, I just don't want that fucking anorexia to come back now that you're healthy!! Good that you ate later, and I hope that you eat more and maybe cut down the exercise since you've lost weight, it really shows now.. :/ Didn't they say anything about that at Mando? Or is it because you've gain so much muscle weight that maybe you're still at the same weight as before? Have you tried to have a total break from exercising a few weeks just to see how you react? Maybe that could be a good idea now :) Then we all have our ups and downs, just because it doesn't go so good all the time doesn't mean you're sick again!! :) I believe in you, and everything is about being true to yourself :)

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    3. I have been healthy for more than a year now... and i am still healthy. I dont have any ED thoughts. I dont have thoughts about skipping meals, counting calories, i dont feel guilty about eating certain foods, i dont exercise to burn calories, i actually do even less cardio than i did last year. So i do know that i am healthy, mentally and physically, and that is being true to myself.
      My weight was roughly where it is when i was at Mando... i mean i am between X & X kilos.

      I dont see that i have lost weight, though i do see/know that i am more toned now...

      This week i am taking more of a rest week... mainly because i feel stressed in school, and know that i amnt eating as much, so its not gonna help to exercise and not eat enough for my bodies needs.
      And then i'll take it from there.... :)

      I'm not having a bad period.... i'm having a stressed period. And this happens every year... when it starts getting colder & more stressful in school.

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    4. I don't doubt that you're healthy, just want you to be aware of the signs. Of what you have written, you're barely eating lunch when you're in school, and you know that it's so important that you do.
      So you do less cardio, why does that matter? If you have a healthy mind you can do as much cardio as possible just because it's fun, as long as you don't have any bad thoughts about it.

      Yeah that sounds like a good idea.. If you know that you're going to have a stress period, then you have to skip some things. The most important things in your life is food, sleep and rest. Everything else comes second. I know you love working out but if it stresses you out then you have to cut down on it. I mean we have to be able to feel good without exercising.

      I don't mean to critizise you, but sometimes you have to see it in a bigger perspective.

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  3. you really look so thin!

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    1. Agreed! You do look like you've lost quite a bit of weight recently :( you are such a beautiful girl and is hat to see you fall back in to old habits.. I know you may not think you are now but it can be so easy to fall back to old ways even when you unintentionally lose a few pounds ..

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    2. hmmm... Ok. I dont see that myself, but i guess its good to get feedback/comment ;)

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    3. I dont notice that ive lost weight... or, i do see that i have lost more 'fat' the little which i did have. And that wasnt anything on purpose, as i dont follow any diet or anything. But i think its because i do alot more strength training now, which equals more muscle & looking more toned.

      Yes i do know how easy it is to fall back into an ED, i mean losing just a bit of weght can trigger thoughts. And i know that i can easily lose weight without even knowing it.
      But we dont havea scale at home, so i have no idea what my weight is. And i have no intention of losing wieght... but i know that the same thing happens whenever im stressed.... that i eat less etc

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  4. Oh god, I love your dress!! ^__^ And I just thought, don't you have an exam week in your school?

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    1. Thank you :) Yeah at the end of each term (i.e at winter & summer time) but we have tests in each class now and again... depending on what we're doing ;)

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  5. Izzy we don't suspect u r on a wrong way!!! Because we know it's GONE and never come back :) we just say what we see and maybe it is nothing wrong!! U r beautifull. Muscles = love!

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    1. Thank you :) I think its good that you say what you see, because as i've said, i dont always see myself the way that others do :)

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  6. I absolutely love that dress!! You look so pretty! :D
    Don't listen to anyone else. You know how your life is and what goes on inside your. NOBODY else does. So if you say you're healthy, then you are!
    Also, I was running earlier and I think I tore something in my foot. I got a sharp pain in my heel and it was intense to walk home. Have you ever done anything like that? What did you do for it? Any advice? (:

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    1. Thank you :)
      What you wrote means so much to me. Because exactly, nobody else knows... its my life. But i do respect that people tell me what they see, and i take it on board, and dont get offended by it :)

      Hmmm, no ive never had a pain in my heel. Ive gotten pains on the outside of my foot, but i think that was due to my shoes.
      Check to see if its your shoes... Or where you running on pavement/concrete? That is really bad for your feet.
      Not so sure what it could be, but maybe check how you run as well.... like if you google running techniques, because maybe you're running wrong and have somehow ended up hurting your heel?

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    2. You're an inspiration to me every day. :D
      It's good that you take things that people say on board at that you can listen to them and weigh them out. You're balanced!
      I will try some of those things. Thank you. Xx

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