Without fail and no matter which treatment center I’ve been to, there is a game that is popular in all ED centers.
I like to call it, “Who’s the sickest?”. It goes something like this:
Patient 1: I had to be tubed six times
Patient 2: I was IP for 8 months
And eventually, it turns into leads to something like this:
Patient 1: I died and saw the light!
Patient 2: I’ve had my eating disorder since I was a zygote!
Before I went to treatment, I was in denial and ashamed of my eating disorder. I was pretty shocked to see this game of oneupmanship being played.
I havent written this... but i agree.. completly.
Before i started treatment, i was embarrassed about my eating disorder. I was embarrassed about the fact that i couldnt eat like a normal person, that i had to purge what i ate. I hated knowing that i couldnt go out adn eat with friends or was missing a social event.... but then again not.
But when i started treatment, it was like people start boasting about their 'sick behaviour' started comparing... like.. oh, i used to only eat X calories. I exercised X hours... ive been sick for X years etc etc.. always a competition of who was the sickest.
I wasnt so talkative in treatment, i was the silent listener... but in my head, i compared... if i heard someone saying that they had only been sick 2 years, in my head i was tellling myself... 'ohh, im sicker then them!!'
i looked people up and down ,comparing myself... always coming to the conclusion that i was fattest.
While in treatment, having anorexia was something ot be proud of... first of all WTF? No it isnt. It is a deadly disease...
we shouldnt compare ourselves... who is sickest? we are in treatment to learn to live without our ED. to get better... not to sit there sharing secrets, how to become sicker...
Having an ED is nothing to be proud of, nothing to brag or boast about... nobody is impressed... so its best to keep your 'Ana goals' and all the sick things you think are good and are an accomplishment to yourself...
^^haha... sorry!
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