1st May.

Its finally May. Can you imagine?
   Time really does fly by.

And ive spent these like 5 months in hospital. my New Years resolution had been to spend as little time in hospital as i could. But i suppose i dont really have a say, i made a choice.
   and that choice landed me in here.

In reality though, ive spent the last year in hospital.

Today has been.... an ok day.


Im back to open bathroom. :( Not to sure why. cus i spend more than 15 minutes in the shower. they claim im in there too long.
  So that really sucks. :(

Ive been arging every night with the night staff, i dread night. i hate it.
   i jsut wish that i could be home... its not like that will happen until atleast 2 weeks.

but i want mum to try to sort out something else. i cant do this. i cant sleep here. i cant argue with them eveyr single night.
  i dont care whether its - i eat all my meals here, and then i sleep at home. or that i get to sleep at the hotel.
  i dont care. as long as i dont have to sleep here. i cant do it.

the arguing is too much.  but nothing will happen, i know.


Today after llunch, my dad and sister came. i wasnt in the mood. i wanted mum. i wanted to talk to her. cry. i want mum to sort things out, get me out of here.
   so i ended up getting into an arguement with my dad, so he stormed out... leavin me in tears.
  my sister hugged me and once i was calmed down, we walked to the car where mu m and dad waited.

we took a drive and took my dog for a walk. not sure if i was allowed. but it was just a 5 minute thing.

then i was back to Mando. ugh ugh ugh.

but they came back later, which was nice, so i had a really good time.

its sad that my dads leaving tomrrow morning.
  it sucks that i was in hospital while he visited.

Now im just sitting out in the day room. waiting to go to the room.

but dreading it. :(
   i dont want another arguement. i need to get out of here.

i jsut want to cry.. i miss my mum so much. i want her to sort thigns out.

but she just says - wait till wednesday. when she has the meeting with the doctor.

but i cant do that. i cant wait till wednesday... i need out NOW.


im ready. im ready to do right.

i'll do right at home. i will.

but is that just words?

but anything to keep me fmr here.

i just want home.