Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Saturday, June 10, 2017

Negative thinking, lack of sleep, negative body image thoughts - all connected

Hello :)

I hadnt planned to write this post as i thought it would be a little too negative on here, but after some thinking i realized that it is exactly what i  needed to post on here.

Recently, for about a week now i.e since ive finished school i have felt very strange and not like myself at all. I havent been sleeping so well, i've been up until 1-2am or later and then getting up at 8 or 9am (as i havent had any early work shifts.) I've felt tired during the days and unmotivated and slow. The days ive worked ive felt energetic and happy, the days i havent worked ive felt more tired than ever. Ive had stomach pain and cramps and extreme bloating which has lasted alot longer than normal, bringing me back to 2015 and 2016 when i just wanted to curl into a ball from the stomach pain and bloat and discomfort. I've felt anxious and worried over many things... too many things, both over things i can control and cant control. I've felt a little lonely as my friends and I all have different work schedules and those who arent working are away travelling so i dont have anyone to meet and it does get a little lonely. I've felt very negative and down about my body and just felt overall negative and low.... not like myself. In all honesty i havent felt so good at all and i always find it scary when i feel this way as i am so worried that the feelings wont pass and they will get worse. But with some thinking and analyzing i realize that all of this hangs together..... its all connected.

I.e a lack of sleep and worry/anxiousness leads to stomach pain and discomfort. The tiredness leads to negative feelings and thoughts. Those thoughts and feelings lead to feeling unmotivated and feeling unmotivated and lonely leads to anxiousness which leads to even worse sleep, more overthinking, more worrying, more stomach pain and discomfort etc etc and the cycle continues.

Which one came first i.e whether it was anxiousness, stress, lack of sleep, stomach pain etc i dont know, but they are all connected.

One thing i have realized though is that i dont like my free days.... the days i am not working i dont feel rested or happy over being free, instead i just wish i was working. Im the type of person who will gladly work 6 days a week this summer and maybe after 4 weeks of that schedule i'll begin to complain or tire. But i've realised that i dont have so much else to do in this city apart from work.... Theres only so much i can do on my own/things to do that are free before you begin to tire, not to mention that it has been constant rain the past 3 days which makes it less appealing to head into town. And i am not someone to be in the city or in crowded places unless i have to be.

I've been feeling very down and also very uncomfortable in my body which is never a nice feeling, but my goal is to 1) try go to sleep before 11.30pm each night. 2) Drink more water (too much caffeine and diet soda inreplace of water -_-), 3)take a natural medicine to help me sleep and ease anxiety, 4) try do something everyday and try go for walks in nature/in forests and not just by the roadside, 5)Try to not worry over things i can't control., 6) Do something that will bring me closer to my goals everyday.... i have different goals and dreams but getting from A to B is like stumbling in the dark, but small choices/actions everyday can bring me closer anyway.

I mostly just wanted to write this post to share that 1) im human and have bad days, 2) i do have bad body image days and 3) these things can be connected. You might not even realise it sometimes, maybe you suddenly begin to feel very down and low and it might just be due to not sleeping enough or due to too much stress etc All of these things connect, so it can be good to be aware of that :)

Onto more positive thinking and tomorrow my mum comes to Gothenburg so we will have 3 days to spend together, even if one day will be spent all day in the hospital haha.


6 comments:

  1. I've been having a bad week too and I think it's caused by my hormonal imbalance or something. And yes, it's okay. We are human and we aren't meant to feel happy every single day. Perhaps this sadness is only a sign that we need to analyse our situation and find a solution for what causes our discomfort. I hope you have a great weekend. :)

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  2. A change of "routine" will do this to you - your days have suddenly gone from being "structured" ie going to school to suddenly having all this free time on your hands. It is perfectly normal to feel a bit out of sorts when your days change like this. Its rather like going on holiday - it takes me several days to get used to the change in routine before I can really enjoy the holiday and relax. I`m sure this will be the case for you too - you will get used to having the free time, fitting in your work at different times and will find that your days assume a new pattern of sorts.
    Try not to worry too much, things will get better for you, I`m sure.

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  3. PS - I hope you have a lovely weekend with your mum - it will be so nice for you to see her again and catch up together. Maybe you can arrange to go back home to return the visit at some time? I know you said your home is now in Gothenberg but a few days with your little dog would be nice, you must miss her.
    Take care and go easy on yourself xxxx

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  4. I can completely relate to what are you talking about. I am currently studying my second year abroad (Germany) and the weekends are just awful for me, because most of my German friends prefer to stay at home and study or visit their families, so apparat from spending time with them during lectures or study groups we don’t do much together. So besides the skype sessions with my family I am on my own. Sadly, my dormmate doesn’t leave her room for ages (how and what she does there is still a mystery for me) and we haven’t talked for one year (I still can’t take the courage to ask her, when she is going to throw her garbage away, cause it is in the kitchen for months) Nevermind, despite the stress with uni, I find myself a work only not to spend time at home, because as you said more time means more thinking and over worrying. The only time I feel less worried is when I do sport or have a walk, but it is not a lot. So similar to you I prefer to come home completely tired and overworked/studied only not to feel those bad emotions. I guess this is because people are social creatures and even introverts are not very at easy to spend a lot time alone :) I wish you great weekend with your mom and hope you feel better soon.

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  5. As the commenter above said, I can also relate to the problem. Compared to other summers I have more programs, but I'm still worried in advance for the times I'll be alone, having to make up something for myself. For me one single lonely day is enough to ruin my mood, but on the other hand, even small conversations can make me feel more cheerful. Now I only have to make up something for august:) Try those old hobbies you haven't had the time to do :)

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  6. Dear Izzy - I`m sorry that you have been having such a bad week. Its not nice feeling low and uncomfortable within yourself so I hope things are a little better for you now the weekend is here.
    You are so right in your conclusion that all the symptoms you have been experiencing are in some order connected. It makes sense that one feeds another. What is good though is that you have recognised this and are aiming to do something about it. Going from being busy with uni and your job to suddenly having a lot of free time is unsettling, and is probably responsible for the start of your symptoms and like you said once it had started the cycle continued. I would try not to worry too much, just try to get through the worst of this as best you can. You will no doubt soon get used to your new situation and find that you develop a new routine to your days, it just takes time. When I had holidays from work I was always at a "loose end" to begin with but gradually you find new things to fill your days and you begin to enjoy your free time again.
    I think having a regular bedtime and time for getting up each day will help you as it forms some structure to your days, and from there you can build on it. Maybe deciding you are going to leave the house by a certain time each day - for a walk or to the gym, or go to the shops etc will help too. Try to have something in place for each day, even if its just to make something delicious for your tea. Sometimes just knowing that there are things to do everyday helps and keeps your motivation going as you don`t get that feeling of having a whole day stretching endlessly in front of you.
    I hope you are having a good weekend with your mum and enjoying the time you have together. Maybe you can talk to her about how you have been feeling?
    I also hope that you have a better week than last so that you can put all this behind you and begin to enjoy your summer. Take care xxx

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