Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Thursday, June 15, 2017

Facing fears, changing routines, not being able to exercise, eating differently - recovery advice/answer.

Hi I would be so grateful if you couldn't answer this asap! Basically a youth group I go to have a summer residential planned and I've said that I won't go but everybody keeps trying to make me go- which is really nice :) But I don't know how I'd deal with general anxiety! And then i have a couple off food and exercise worries. I'm worried because I won't be able to do the short set of plank and ab exercises I normally do everyday, and I'm worried I'll lose all my ab definition and core strength that's I've worked so hard on if I don't do any ab exercises for 5 days?? How much progress do you think I'd lose??
And then also I'm anxious about the food because it will all be provided, and I'm vegetarian and also eat a bit different to average people, and I'm worried there won't be we any fruit and veg or much protein and goodness. And I just hate the thought of eating super plain boring food for a whole five days. But from a nutritional perspective how much damage would eating really badly for five days do?? 
Please answer because I needn't the facts to consider my decision properly
Thank you so much and i love your blog

  First off i think you should go to the summer residential... because that is exactly what you need. To face your fears and do something that scares you, to fight against your eating disorder. You wont get better or recover by always following your routines, by always eating the same  and exercising the same and being held back by your eating disorder. You wont recover by listening to your eating disorder, instead by doing what scares you and going against your eating disorder. And that is exactly what these 5 days will do... they will make you stronger if you manage to get through them and do your best to go against the ED thoughts.

Think... when you're 70, will you remember that you had visible abs when you were a teenager or that you had an awesome time at a summer residential with friends where you could live life and make memories?

Also think realistically, 5 days of doing something different wont change how you look.... of course bloating might happen but that is NOT A BAD THING. Infact that is most likely what you need.... to eat differently, not exercise and just realise that it is ok. It is ok to rest, it is ok to eat foods you dont usually eat. You're body needs pmore than protein and veggies... and if you say you are a vegetarian you should get served vegetarian food. But also remember that pasta, potatoes, bread, cereal, oils, sandwiches... all of that food is ok and can be eaten (hopefully you can already eat these foods ? From your comment i interpret it as those foods might be fear foods, but i could be wrong.)
From a  nutrition point of view, its not bad or unhealthy and wont change your body.

From an exercise point of view. Resting is necessary and 5 days of rest or less strict exercise will only be good for you. No you wont lose your visible abs, however if your joy and happiness comes from having visible abs then you really have to reconsider what makes you happy in life - because trust me, visible abs or muscle definition should not be your main happiness.

From a mental point of view?You might feel anxiety and guilt, but be prepared for that... maybe you wont feel it at all. But these 5 days will make you face your fears and will make you stronger, it will make  you realise that there is so much more to life than how you are currently living.... that you shouldn't let your eating disorder hold you back. Do you want to look back in 10 years time and think you missed out on so much and have regrets because you never dared step outside of your comfort zone or do anything different. 

Usually the anxiety and worry beforehand is always worse... you think about things that could go wrong, you worry about the food or the change in routines but you know what? Once you get there hopefully that anxiety and worry will go away and you will have a great time, enjoy yourself and go back home feeling more motivated than ever to truly fight your eating disorder. 

And in the worse case scenario, you go there and the anxiety and fear is just far too much and you feel too overwhelmed, then you can always travel home some way or another.... so if you really cant manage it, then maybe you can travel home earlier .But i think you should have as a goal to go there and enjoy the 5 days, make the best of it :) You wont know until you try!

Fight your eating disorder, fight your fears, its the only way to recover.

And remember.... worrying just means you suffer twice!
Related image

Image result for recovery reasons


  1. Thank you so much for writing this! I think it's really helped me put some things into perspective. I do really want to go, though I am soooo scared because I've never done anything like this ever before!:0 No actually I love bread and pasta etc and feel comfortable eating them, I just didn't mention that because I'm certain that there will be enough basic carbs served I just wasn't sure how much fresh veg they'd bring on the residential, and I like to eat balanced. You're right that I probably still have issues though, even if I pretty much class myself as recovered I still feel kinda awkward and have some hang ups so maybe it would be good to go out of my comfort zone ... idk though I'm always such a coward about everything!! I've always suffered social anxiety too and it's kind of gotten worse ... I like to imagine going but I'm not sure I actually can :(

  2. Me again haha. I was telling my mum how I actually want to go and she wasn't as supportive as I wanted her to be ... all like well can you cope with eating what you need to eat in front of people? With the suggestion that she expects me to be working out exactly how many extra calories I need for various activities like it's 5 days as long as I eat a reasonable amount my weights not gonna drop or go up ridiculously within such a short time frame. It's just a one off thing, I wish she was more just like sure it's no big deal rather than making me feel like it matters precisely what I eat for 5 days out of 365 :/ Like I'm trying to be chill about it can't you help me out mum?:/

  3. It almost sounds to me that it is your mum that "needs" the reassurance that you will cope - not you!
    Have a great time and enjoy yourself! I`m sure you`ll be just fine xx

    1. Thank you!:) I guess it's hard for parents because they're always so worried that I'll relapse even though I feel in a very different mental place to when I starved myself now, but I suppose they don't get to see what thoughts I have. Like my mum in one way is like you need to relax about your snacks and realise that you can eat more sometimes and it doesn't matter and then conversely she gets really agitated when we were out shopping and I got a snack that was 20 calories less than usual, like ffs I can have a slightly bigger snack in the evening and a slightly lighter one in the afternoon if that's the snack I fancy at the time. It makes it kind of harder to try and be less obsessed with calories! But I can see why they still worry about what I'm eating it's because they care, even though I wish they'd stop worrying so much!

  4. I can relate to your worries sooo much!I used to have the same anxiety about food and excercise whenever we travelled or I went to a school trip snd even if it was only a one day visit to grandparents I used to get extremely anxious, because I was afraid of the amount of food that was to be served, the time I had to spend sitting, not excercising that day at all... Actually, Ive just got over my worries recently, I participated in an exchange program and when I was abroad there were a few days when I restricted, but for the most of the time, travelling made me exhausted so I ate well, and recently I went to many places and because of that my eating and excercising schedule was messed up, but I realised that its no problem, and I dont need to worry, I wont get fat if I dont excercise for x days, or if I cant eat veggies. It feels a bit strange, maybe uncomfortable, but if you will enjoy yourself, these worries wont even come to your mind. If they do cone, think about the fact that at hone you can carry on witj yozr habits. Wish you alk the best :*

    1. Yay that's so great that you managed to go on those cool trips and had a good time :) Thank you, this has really made me more determined to go!