Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Update - video (unedited)


I apologize so much for my unexplained absence, lack of time and motivation has been the main reason why. But also far too many thoughts, anxities, worries and thinking has left my not knowing what to write.

I decided to instead make a video where it is easier to talk about my thoughts and let that explain things, even if there is alot left unsaid i am still trying to get my thoughts together!

You can find me on however it has nothing to do with eating disorders there. I might still blog on here, i don't know what i want to do.... so just keep an eye out as i haven't decided anything, still very unsure and confused about different things in my life right now!

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Midsummer throughout the years & vegan pancake recipe

Hello and good afternoon :)

Its Thursday afternoon when writing this post, however i have spent the whole day thinking it is Friday, and i have completely lost track of the days and date at the moment.

Tomorrow it is Midsummer and i'll be spending it with my friends and having a Midsummer dinner which will be 90% vegan! I had planned to just make my own food and bring it with me and maybe a vegan dessert for everyone to share, but it turns out that one of my friends who is the host for the evening decided to make 90% of the food vegan and then there will be egg and herring which are 2 typical foods eaten at Midsummer. I still dont know what food will be served, but i am looking forward to it :)

I start off my Friday and Midsummer with a 6 hour workshift from 6am until 12pm and then ill head home, get ready and then into town to meet with a few of my friends before we then travel to our friend who is hosting us for the evening and we'll see where the evening takes us! As tomorrow will be such a long day i am mostly resting up today so that i have energy for tomorrow :)However i did clean the whole apartment just incase we end up being at my place if the weather is bad!

This morning when i was at the gym all i could think about was pancakes, so after my gym session i went to the store and bought the ingredients to make pancakes and they turned out amazing!
-> 3dl flour, 6dl oat milk, 0,5dl aquafaba, 1tsp baking powder, 2tbs melted vegan margarine and sweetner/sugar to taste :) And then fry on medium heat!

I was a little disappointed that i had forgotten to buy vegan whipped cream as that would have gone perfectly with the pancakes :(

The rest of the evening its just rest as im feeling rather tired today!

Are you celebrating Midsummer? (its mostly a nordic tradition!).

Throwback to previous Midsummer pictures!





2012 - the first time i ever got drunk, blacked out and had a hang over the next day


201420152016 - my first vegan midsummer

General questions - answers

Could you write about series/movies that you like.

I dont watch series as much as i used to so it feels like i have forgotten most of the series i used to watch/like. But the ones i can remember are Orange is the New black,  Pretty Little Liars (However i havent even watched the newest season as i'm waiting for all the episodes to be released and then watch them all at once), SKAM (the norwegian series),  stranger things, how to get away with murder,  New Girl, The Carrie diaries ... (had to look at what i have saved on Netflix to remember these hahaah).

And i dont watch films unless im with others and forced to watch. Its strange as i can watch 3 series episodes in a row but i cant watch a 90 minute movie, i get far too uninterested and restless. So i cant really remember any films or movies i like or have watched recently. I personally like mental thriller movies which usually isnt appreciated when watching movies with others hahah.

If you could "step into" the pages/story of a book, (or a film if you don`t read books) which one would you choose? Have you ever enjoyed a book/watched a film so much that you didn't want it to end? Which book/film has had the biggest impact on you?

It's been years since i read a book so i dont think i can answer this question so well. I have been planning on reading this summer and ive even gotten a library card so i can loan books, hahah. But ive started listening to alot of podcasts so prefer that at the moment but also when i went to loan a book i had no idea which book to loan so ended up just leaving empty handed. So if anyone has any recommendations on thriller or fantasty or real life (but not biography!) books it's just to comment below! I definitely need to read more for the sake of my grammar and spelling!

I loved the Twilight series and i think i read all of the books 7 times each (don judge!) and i loved The Host which i read about 4 times. However i disliked all of the movie versions.

When i was a child i used to read all the time, i spent alot of time at home sick so reading was perfect and i could finish a 600-700page book in 48 hours. And would read 2-3 books per week. It got to the stage where my family didnt even know which books to buy me as i had already read so many books... and i had a Kindle so i could just buy books online. Otherwise i love Jodi Picoult books and i have read all of her books up until 2011/2012, and i havent gotten around to reading her books after that, so maybe i will loan one of those books!

I cant remember that a film or book has had a huge impact on me so i will skip that question :) And i know i have had a few books which i havent wanted to end, but i cant remember which they were at the moment as it was so many years ago since i read them and read so many books back then.

How often do you dye/colour your hair and how do you stop it from becoming brittle/drying out?

I havent dyed my hair since September/october2016 i think, and before that it had gone several months since dying my hair.  I stopped dying my hair mostly because i couldnt do it myself, didnt want to pay for a proffessional to do it and three, the hair dye i used wasnt vegan or cruelty free and i didnt feel like experimenting trying to find a new vegan hair colour so just stopped colouring/bleaching my hair. I am so happy i made that decision, it was mostly an unconscious one from just not caring and not wanting to use non vegan hair colour. My hair is in so much better condition now, its not as dry and doesnt fall out or tangle as much as well as it feeling more thick and fuller :) 

Also i used the brand Maria Nila for my hair and i find that it works wonders for my hair and keeps it silky and smooth :)

I would not recommend using strong bleach or hair colours, it dries out your hair, makes it brittle and is just a pain. However toning your hair doesnt damage it as much, so if you still want to colour it, go for toning instead :)

How my hair looked when i had coloured it

How my hair looks now....
I couldnt find any selfies without filters on them hahahha

The colour i wish my hair was i.e silver/grey, but that would require going to a proffessional every 4-6 weeks.

Do you belong to any sports clubs like running or workout classes? Is this something that you would like to do to be social or do you prefer to exercise/workout on your own?
No i dont belong to any sports clubs. Ive never been one to workout with others, i prefer working out on my own. When i lived in Stockholm i went to the gym with my sister sometimes however we always did our own thing, it was just that we had company on the walk to the gym and in the changing room and such.
I would like to do crossfit again which is a sort of "club" and you workout together with others and can be social. But i do like just having the gym time as time for myself and not be social. However when im out walking i often call my family as then i like to just walk and talk with them!

I would like to join a club just so that i can meet others with the same interest as me and who knows, maybe a potential partner who also likes working out. As i would like my future partner to atleast have some form of interest in working out and maybe even go to the gym together, and its not so socially accepted to just go up to someone at the gym and try to flirt. Of course if i had the confidence i could go up and just ask if they wanted to workout together sometime or something similar as we have the same interest if we're both at the gym haha.

But working out is my "me time" so i prefer to be on my own, also if i had to talk a bunch during my workout it wouldnt be as effective and would take more time. I prefer to be in and out of the gym within 60 minutes XD

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Summer days - 2017

Each summer i am always baffeled by how happy the sun and warm weather makes me. Each year i notice just how much my mood and even energy levels are affected by the weather, and its not always so controllable. If it rains and is bad weather i'll feel more tired, sluggish, unmotivated and just less energetic but once its good weather i am the exact opposite and it is like my energy never stops!

My top 5 things about summer are:

Walking outside in shorts and a tank top, or being able to walk to and from the gym in my shorts and gym gear!!!

Watermelon and fresh strawberries!!! Nothing beats these two fruits/berries!!

Lying out in the sun - i love it! In the past i used to hate sunbathing as i was far too restless - and still am in some sense. But also i felt uncomfortable lying somewhere if it was sort of public as well as didnt like lying out in the sun on my own. This year however i am not as restless and have found a grass section which isnt so public where i can lie and sunbathe when i have the time for it!

The bright and warm evenings and being able to sit outside in the evening with friends and not get cold!!

The freedom of summer. Sure there is work and other responsibilities but the days are longer and brighter and feels like i have time for more things when i just work. I love studying but it can definitely feel like more than 100% and more like 2 jobs at times haha.

And there are so many more positive things about summer that the list would never end!! But for now i am just enjoying it as much as i can!

How am i spending my days?

Working when there is work available..... this month there isnt so much work which is a little worrying but not so much i can do about it.

Sunbathing when the sun is out!

Listening to ALOT of podcasts.... i think one day i listened to 6 podcasts which is more than 6 hours. hahah. But its different documentaries so i am learning alot about different events and happenings in the world which i never knew details or the backstory of.

Cooking and baking when i have the time for it. Of course when its warm weather its not as appetizing to eat warm food, but i still love my lentil soup and cooked potatoes. However ive now started to cook my food and let it cool down completely so when i eat it it is cold!

Working out when i feel like it. Somedays the gym, somedays walking. But like i mentioned in my previous post, trying to focus on all round fitness and not just do the same thing over and over!

At the moment i am not spending alot of time infront of the computer or even at home which you may have noticed. Trying to make time for blogging but somedays i leave the house at 9am or earlier and dont get home until 8pm or much later like 10 or 11pm. But trying to make one post a day at least :) And still getting around to trying to answer the questions, i havent forgotten them :)

How are you spending your summer? What are your favourite things about summer? And if its winter in your country, how are you spending your winter/autumn? :)

Some recent eats:

You can't live a full life on an empty stomach

Yesterday evening i began thinking about how thankful i am that i am recovered and how different my life would be if i was still sick.

I know that if i was still struggling with an eating disorder my life would look very different, i dont know whether i would be studying or whether i would have been allowed to move away from home or even if i was allowed to work.

Sometimes i find it so strange to think back to my behaviour and thoughts when i was sick... how extremely scared i was of food and weight gain. I had so many restrictions and fears that held me back in life.... hated myself, hated life and hated everything, i was so negative back then. But thinking back to how i was when i was alone when i was sick vs how i am alone now, i am a whole different person. It doesnt even feel like it was me who was sick for those 5 years and did all the things i did and was so scared of eating.
I remember i would stand and watch my mum cook and panic when she began to add oil or butter to her food, and now i use oil and margarine without even thinking about it... it enhances taste when cooking and thats delicious!
But also all the different ways i had to minimize the amount of food i actually put inside of me, the different tricks and cheats and all the lies i would tell just to get away with not eating. It's crazy, one of our most basic needs - food - and it was one of my biggest fears.

From my own personal experience what i can say is that you can't live a full life on an empty stomach. I know some people feel more energetic when they don't eat and some are "functional sufferers" and think that they are healthy and fine. But once you fully recover and begin eating properly you wil, notice  a huge difference in energy, mindset and just motivation for life.

If you arent fueling yourself properly how do you expect to have the energy to live life? How do you expect to have the energy to take care of yourself, to do the basic daily routines, to go to work or school or to meet friends or do your hobbies?

Even now, on the days i dont eat enough i will feel exhausted and being social is the last thing i want to do and working or working out is far from my mind. But 98% of the time when i eat properly and enough calories i have energy for all the things i want to do in my life....  Of course resting and having alone time is also important but with the right fuel it means you have the energy to do all the things you want.

I often get asked how i have the energy to do all the things i do in my life and my answer is food. I eat enough. If i dont eat enough i dont do as much as i dont have the energy for it.

Dont be scared to eat. Dont be scared of food. It gives you the energy you need so that you can live the life you want and have the energy to reach your goals and to the things you want :)

Food is fuel!

Image result for you cant expect to live a full life on an empty stomach

Monday, June 19, 2017

You are more than your body - it is easier to love yourself when you take care of yourself

Loving your body, it is easier said than done. Its a process that takes time and some days it is easier, some days it is harder, but in the end it is worth it.

To be able to accept your body, feel ok in your body, feel confident in your body, but most of all not hate your body or yourself. Somedays you might not feel confident, somedays you might not feel amazing, but you atleast accept yourself and know you are ok. You dont want to harm or hurt yourself and you dont tear yourself apart just because you might not feel amazing, instead you just acccept those bad days. You accept your "flaws" and know that they arent flaws, they are just a part of you.

Scars, cellulite, stretch marks, birth marks... they are nothing you need to hide or be ashamed about.  You might see photos of people online and think they have no sort of marks or stomach rolls or stretch marks or cellulite, but aot can be done with photoshop or just good lighting and angles.

My best advice when it comes to loving yourself is to 1) make it a habit that everyday you say something nice about yourself, say positive things about yourself and your body.

2) you challenge and change the negative thoughts. If you begin to compare yourself or begin to bring yourself down, then change those thoughts... instead of thinking i hate my legs, be thankful that you even have legs and can walk and move. If you begin to hate your stomach then be thankful that your organs are safe and protected inside of your abdomen and the fat keeps them protected. If you begin to hate the fat on your body, be thankful that it keeps you warm and protected. If you begin to hate your scars or stretch marks or cellulite remember that they are just part of a human body, scars are a sign that you have lived or been through tough times and still survived, stretch marks are just a sign that you have grown but your skin hasnt grown as fast and cellulite is just the way the body stores fat, its normal!!

And third, maybe the most important is to take care of your body. From personal experience, it is much easier to love a body that you take care of. If you always think negative thoughts and dont take care of your body i.e eat the wrong foods, dont take the medication you may need, dont drink enough water, dont move your body... you begin to feel slugish, slow, unmotivated, tired, heavy and just dont feel well in your body. Taking care of your body means moving your body, but also giving it the rest it needs, eating the right food for YOUR body, drinking enough water, getting the right vitamins and minerals. Maybe using creams and lotions and products so that your hair, skin, nails all feel healthy (though diet is key for that!). All of those things can help to love your body.

When you take care of your body you feel better and are more motivated to keep yourself healthy and easier to love yourself. And even if it doesnt make you love yourself 100% it sure doesnt hurt or harm to do the things mentioned above!!

So..... think positive thoughts, be kind to yourself, DONT compare yourself, take care of your body.

You dont need visible abs or a low body fat percent, you dont need a thigh gap or visible bones, you dont need to look a certain way to love yourself.... its all about changing your thoughts and mindset and being kind to yourself! Self love comes from the inside, and no amount of changing your body will make you love yourself if the problem is inside your head!!!

Food questions part 2 - my views on alcohol, calcium in food, eating non vegan?

What fat/oil do you use in baking - cakes etc? I have found some of the oil based ones leave a strange taste and I end up throwing the baking away, I just wondered what you use?
It depends what im making :) Usually just coconut oil as it isnt so heat sensitive compared to other oils. Or otherwise i just use rapeseed oil when baking food or even in brownies i sometimes use it, but it does give  a weird taste at times. Otherwise vegan margarine works if i am just following a standard recipe which i choose to veganize :)

What made you change your views about alcohol ie from being quite against it to now drinking the occasional glass?
In the past i was all or nothing when it came to alcohol. Either i drank nothing or i drank far too much that i would almost black out... i.e not a healthy relationship with alcohol at all. I liked the taste of alcohol, just like with coffee i liked the taste from the beginning. I dont personally like beer, but i do like wine, cider and even vodka so its not been the taste that has deterred me from drinking but because i havent been able to drink in moderation. Not to mention i never really understood why you would want to drink, because alcohol is toxic in the body... it effects your liver and does nothing good or healthy in your body at all, not to mention that waking up hung over the next day is never fun and also i was more serious about my working out in the past so i felt like drinking would affect my working out and gym sessions. So i chose to not drink, but also i never really went out to drink either i never had the opportunity to drink as much as i do now. I was also much more of a "Light weight" so i could drink 1 glass of wine and feeling dizzy which deterred me from drinking even more.

I dont promote or recommend drinking, and i know i have many young followers so i advise to not drink at all. HOWEVER i have also learnt to see the social aspect of alcohol and learnt that drinking 1 or 2 glasses of wine isnt going to negatively affect me or do any damage to me as long as it isnt done too often. It is only the past 7-8 months, since starting university in Gothenburg that i have begun to drink alcohol and see it as a social thing. To celebrate a test or just sit in the sun and talk with friends. Of course alcohol isnt needed or necessary and because i have CF and take alot of medications i really shouldnt drink, not to mention that there is a history or alcoholism in my family (which is also genetic) and i do have a slight addictive personality (i.e i've been "addicted" to many things and at times it can feel like i go from one addiction to the next in some sense) so i do need to be aware of all of that, but its not a problem for me right now i.e i dont feel addicted to alcohol in any sense.

Ive found a balance with alcohol that works for me and i feel alot more healthy now compared to in the past when i wanted to drink a glass or two but all i could think about was "how will it effect my body, can i workout the next day etc etc".

Are there any fruits or vegetables you dont like?Im just curious:)
Mushrooms is one of them.... i can only really eat them if they are sort of hidden and covered and i cant taste the mushroom/mushy taste of them hahah. Though i did recently try fried portebello mushroom which was pretty good, but over all i cant stand them. Other vegetable types.... yes im sure there are plenty but i cant really think of them now. I used to hate brussel sprouts, asparagus, avocado when i was yyounger i.e 7-12 years old but now i love those vegetables. I think its a taste thing and that you keep trying to eat them :)

I dont like vegetables that taste too much of the earth or that you buy them still covered in dirt, that sort of creeps me out and i cant stop thinking about bacteria and insects hahah. 

Also, i cant really eat lettuce or similar salad leaves after i had bought lettuce and in the "root" it was an infestation of bugs - literally, i had the bugs crawling in my food and because they were so small i hadnt really noticed them. I am VERY sensitive to those types of things, and since then havent bought lettuce or similar salad and only eaten once or twice when eating out.

Is it possible that i can regain my calcium by eating more supplement & right food? 

Thank you.

If you eat alot of calcium rich foods but also have a high intake of D vitamin it can help, however the best is to talk to a dietitian or a doctor who can help you. Calcium is a very important mineral and a lack of calcum isnt good, however not all calcium is absorbed and the older you get the less calcium is absorbed even if older people actually need more calcium due to the break down of bones.

But also there can be inhibiting factors to the calcium absorption for example, spinach contains alot of calcium but it also contains oxalic acid which means that very little calcium is absorbed because of the inhibiting acid.

However if you eat plenty of foods such as fortified oat/soy drink, tofu, tempeh, kale, green collards, and if you eat dairy then milk, cheese, yoghurt are sources of calcium. 

But like mentioned, talk to a proffessional and if you have deficiency then a supplement is needed as well as the right food :)

How much have you inspired your family to eat vegan meals? Do you all eat vegan when you visit or do they keep to their normal diets?
I've inspired my family alot :) My mum, sister and step dad are all pescetarians (who also eat dairy) so they've eaten alot of quorn (which contains egg) and dairy products as well as fish. I was the one who was obsessed with eggs, chicken and quark and to think that i would be the one who went vegan is sort of comical.

But i have inspired them even if i havent really lived with my family since going vegan. Only during the 2 months in summer last year, but then i worked so much that i rarely ate at home/with my family anyway.

When i eat with my family/travel back to stockholm the food is usually 80% vegan but they might eat quorn when i eat a soy product or just beans/Lentils, or they might use normal creme fraiche or use normal butter on their bread. But otherwise they have started to buy oat products instead of dairy products, they've begun buying tofu and vegan fake meats instead of the quorn ones, and they dont eat as much fish as they used to. So even if i dont live with my family i have still inspired them to eat more vegan and me and my mum send pictures of the different meals we eat. For example when i make pizza or pasta dishses or make falafels or even just bake i'll send a photo to her and she likes to send photos to me when she eats fully vegan meals!! :)

And my sister has also begun to eat alot more vegan now, however she has also begun to think alot more about the other aspects of veganism apart from the diet such as buying cruelty free and vegan products. One evening at 9.30pm she called me and said she was in the store and didnt know which tooth paste was vegan as well as what deodorant was CF and vegan - it made me so happy to hear. Because those small things do matter in the long term!!

Inspiring others is one of the best things about veganism, because i would never force anyone to go vegan, but i can atleast inspire others to eat more plant based or to be more aware of what products they buy... and if i can make 5 0 people think more about the food they eat and the products they buy, that DOES make a difference. If everyone limits their animal product intake by 50% and stops buying products tested on animals then that is a huge difference :) It doesnt have to be black or white/all or nothing!!

Would you ever feel tempted to revert back to your old eating habits if you were amongst people who were not vegan?
No :)

None of my friends are vegan and my family isnt vegan either so when i go to parties or go out to eat there will be lots of animal products around me and im not tempted. Not even when my friends are eating normal marabou or when i see the new latest quark flavours or chocolate flavours or Ben and Jerry flavours which i was once so adament about trying all the latest flavours and newest editions. I am lucky though that my friends and family are so understanding and whenever i get together with friends there is usually something vegan i can eat - example if i go to a party at someones house, or when i visit my family there is lots i can eat. I am not so demanding, i just buy or bring my own food and dont expect their to be something for me. But it always makes me happy when there is a vegan dish/food available without me even saying anything!

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Focusing on fitness

The past while I've been thinking about my exercise routines or more lack of, haha.

Recently I haven't been working out so much. It's either been due to pain, tiredness, unmotivated or just don't have the time. I've been to the gym maybe once or twice a week and otherwise gone for walks or nothing at all.

It feels like the past year I haven't progressed at the gym at all, or I have... I've gotten stronger but I haven't mentally or physically pushed myself. I've just done the same old thing and I've enjoyed that. But I've stayed in my comfort zone. I love working out and exercising however u don't force myself to workout if I'm not motivated or if I just don't want to. Exercise should be an enjoyment. However I've felt that my motivation has withered recently.

And I've begun thinking about why.... and it's because I don't challenge myself.  I have gone to the gym several times a week since 2012.... that's 5 years, not strange that I've gotten a little tired. Not of the gym.... but of the same exercises and not really improving.

When my mum was over we went to a spa and there was a pool there which I swam some laps in. That made me realise just how unfit I actually am hahah, but also how I would love to begin swimming again ( I began swimming in 2012 and then eventually just began going to the gym.)

I am strong but I feel like that is it. I stopped running due to injury and lost alot of cardiovascular health. I'm not so great at endurance in my working out. I'm not the most flexible. Basically I'm not that fit. If you were to challenge me in some form of workout you would most likely win haha.

So I've now set up the goal to get my fitness up. To focus on crossfit like workouts. To do maybe 3 full body workouts a week where I do exercises such as deadlifts, pull ups, push ups, dips, burpees etc i.e whole body workouts.

And then try to run or do intervals 1-2 times a week and do some stretch and flexibility on those days as well. Focusing on over all fitness to feel more capable and to progress.

Of course whether I follow this plan or not I don't know and with work this summer I'll be lucky if I go to the gym 3 times a week! But I'm feeling motivated now and I feel like this is what I need in my life.... To follow a workout plan and feel more fit.

And with fit I don't mean visible abs or low body fat. I mean fit as in capable of running, lifting heavy, different balance and flexibility movements and more endurance!!!

I guess I'll update at the end of summer or something!!

Food questions part 1 - Food and spots, simple vs complex carbs, overnight oatmeal

This is probably kind of stupid question, but I was wondering if you had any knowledge about spots/zits and whether they're connected to food and stuff. Because like that was one of my initial triggers for developing an eating disorder because I read that dairy and sugar and fats all made you get spots and I wanted flawless skin (i don't know if anyone else experienced the same??) Anyway I am now weight restored and I'm getting a few spots again and it really depresses me and then I get the thoughts like maybe it's my fault and when I didn't eat so and so I didn't get any spots whilst underweight. Not strong enough thoughts to act on I can brush them aside as I know other stuff is a lot more important but idk I just wish I didn't have any spots :((((

   We all have our insecurities and thats ok, but its also important to not let them control us or lead you down a negative spiral. I dont know much about spots or acne so i really shouldnt be answering this, but from what i have learnt from my own research and studies is that the myth of greasy and sugary foods leading to spots isnt true. However dairy can lead to spots due to the hormones in milk and possibly other reasons - but once again, its best to do your own research. (Ii found this article online    ) & this article

Spots appear for many different reasons and not all of them are possible to control. Extra hormones/that time of the month, feeling stressed, sweating extra, and even taking a mutltivitamin with a certain type of b12 can lead to spots. And then there are things you can control such as using the right skin care products, if you use make up, use the right make up and also not blocking the pores so that they clog up, changing your pillow cover often, not touching your face with your hands etc etc But maybe someone else has better tips.

Try not to worry about spots, its never as bad as you think and if you do suffer from severe acne then you can get help and medication for that. But if its just normal growing up/hormonal/stress spots then they will fade.... Learn to be ok with the spots and unless you are eating extreme amounts of dairy then i wouldnt worry so much about your diet. Just drink plenty of water, eat vegetables and fruit everyday and with the right skin care products, enough sleep and not stressing so much it should help.

You cant always control spots, so its best to learn to just accept them when you have them and know that you arent alone! 

Carbohydrates - I`ve heard there are 2 types, simple and complex.
What is the difference and why have I heard that you should limit the simple ones?
what are simple carbs and what are complex carbs, and how much of each should you have.
Do you limit your carbs and should I do this in recovery even if they say simple carbs should be limited?

Yes, there are "2 types" of carbohydrates, simple and complex (also called "good" and "bad" however thats not a good label for them as they are both good in different situations.) In the end they both break down to the same monosacharides. The different is how they act in the body but also which foods they come from.

Simple carbs are a quick source of energy, they break down quick in the body and raise your blood sugar rather fast but also can lead to a spike in blood sugar that quickly disappears and leaves you with little energy once again. Foods with simple carbs are plain white sugar, sugary soda, candy and even fructose in fruit and lactose in milk products are simple carbohydrates. However fruit and dairy products contain other nutritional benefits compared to plain sugar/honey/soda/candy which has little nutritional benefit.

Complex carbohydrates give more of a slow energy source and dont break down as quick as simple carbohydrates. They give a steady rise in blood sugar and stable energy level but also found in foods with more fiber and nutrients compared to simple carbs. As they give a more stable energy source and not such a rapid rise in insulin levels as well as often containing more fiber it can leave you feeling full longer compared to if you were to eat candy or sugary soda which gives you a spike in energy but then you feel tired and hungry short afterwards.
Complex carbs are found in foods such as oatmeal, fiber rich bread, beans, lentils, vegetables, brown rice etc

How much you should eat is individual... and a balanced diet is recommended. No limiting carbohydrates is not necessary or recommended? Im not sure who gave you that recommendation but eating balanced and everything in moderation is best.

And its ok to eat chocolate, ice cream, cake and even dairy and fruit even if its simple carbohydrates, they arent bad, they are still part of a healthy diet and nothing you should be scared of :)

How do you make overnight oats yourself?

I dont personally make or eat overnight oats even if i keep saying i should because warm oatmeal in the morning on a hot summer day isnt the most optimal haha. But its just oats, some form of liquid, some form of taste and mix together and let it stand in the fridge over night :)

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Thursday, June 15, 2017

Eating out in restaurants

Eating out in restaurants..... a fear which i know many have and one i used to have. It's been a very long time since i last felt anxious about eating out or worried about calories in the food or compensating when eating out. So whenever i write these types of posts about fears i had or such as posts about rest days or eating more, its not a "new" thing for me that i eat out without anxiety or rest several days without feeling anxious or compensating or eat more when i need it and dont feel bad about it. I have been able to do those things for several years, but these posts are just reminders for YOU, and me looking back to how i was 3-5 years ago when i couldnt do those things without anxiety!

So, the past few days, Sunday-Wednesday i ate almost all of my meals out in restaurants. It wasnt planned to be this way when my mum came to Gothenburg, that was just what happened.

Truth is that i actually like eating out... if i could i would eat out once or twice a day if i had the economy for it. However i do love making my basic meals of potatoes, avocado, tofu and salads and not to mention my lentil soup which i love!!

When i eat out, even when i go out with friends i never worry about vegan food instead i just follow with and know that either ill eat from side dishes or in the worst case scenario there wont be anything i can eat, but then i'll just eat something later, but in most places im sure i could get a plate or potatoes and some salad if i wanted to eat something and nothing on the menu was vegan.
As my mum is a pescetarian it wasnt so hard to make a decision about where to eat, haha.

In the past, if we were ever going to eat out i would HAVE TO know where we were going. I would then look the menu up online, prepare myself mentally for it, then i would eat less and exercise more the days leading up to the restaurant visit. I worried so much beforehand. (Reminder, this is back in 2012 and earlier!!). And travelling away on holiday was almost off the list for me because i would have no control over food or how the food was made and eating out more than once every 6 months wasnt possible for me.

Over the years i learned that food is just food and that even if you are on holiday and eat out all your meals for a whole week that is ok as well. It wont harm your body or your health, if anything it will help your mental health if you struggle with eating in restaurants so it will just be positive!

My best advice for when eating out is to choose exactly what you want. Even if you are eating out every meal for a whole week. Think... you dont always eat out so why not make the best of it when you are.... choose the food you might not eat so often or dont cook yourself. Maybe one day you want burger and fries, the next day you want pasta, the next day you want a salad etc
And even if you eat more than you need one day or three days, it is not the end of the world.... your body and your health will still be ok. One week of eating more than usual wont harm you and in the long term will balance itself out.

Food is just food. You dont need to know the calorie amount in the dish and you dont need to exercise or compensate just because you eat one meal out. Instead enjoy the company, enjoy the food and be thankful that you can eat out and eat food!

Its all about facing fears and overcoming the fears. The first time might be tough, the second time maybe a little easier, the third time maybe you eat a maindish and a dessert, the 7th time you feel completely at ease and no worries about eating out and eventually you know you can be away from home or go on holiday and eating at cafes or restaurants is nothing you worry or think about at all! So keep facing the fears and know that you will be ok!! :)

Facing fears, changing routines, not being able to exercise, eating differently - recovery advice/answer.

Hi I would be so grateful if you couldn't answer this asap! Basically a youth group I go to have a summer residential planned and I've said that I won't go but everybody keeps trying to make me go- which is really nice :) But I don't know how I'd deal with general anxiety! And then i have a couple off food and exercise worries. I'm worried because I won't be able to do the short set of plank and ab exercises I normally do everyday, and I'm worried I'll lose all my ab definition and core strength that's I've worked so hard on if I don't do any ab exercises for 5 days?? How much progress do you think I'd lose??
And then also I'm anxious about the food because it will all be provided, and I'm vegetarian and also eat a bit different to average people, and I'm worried there won't be we any fruit and veg or much protein and goodness. And I just hate the thought of eating super plain boring food for a whole five days. But from a nutritional perspective how much damage would eating really badly for five days do?? 
Please answer because I needn't the facts to consider my decision properly
Thank you so much and i love your blog

  First off i think you should go to the summer residential... because that is exactly what you need. To face your fears and do something that scares you, to fight against your eating disorder. You wont get better or recover by always following your routines, by always eating the same  and exercising the same and being held back by your eating disorder. You wont recover by listening to your eating disorder, instead by doing what scares you and going against your eating disorder. And that is exactly what these 5 days will do... they will make you stronger if you manage to get through them and do your best to go against the ED thoughts.

Think... when you're 70, will you remember that you had visible abs when you were a teenager or that you had an awesome time at a summer residential with friends where you could live life and make memories?

Also think realistically, 5 days of doing something different wont change how you look.... of course bloating might happen but that is NOT A BAD THING. Infact that is most likely what you need.... to eat differently, not exercise and just realise that it is ok. It is ok to rest, it is ok to eat foods you dont usually eat. You're body needs pmore than protein and veggies... and if you say you are a vegetarian you should get served vegetarian food. But also remember that pasta, potatoes, bread, cereal, oils, sandwiches... all of that food is ok and can be eaten (hopefully you can already eat these foods ? From your comment i interpret it as those foods might be fear foods, but i could be wrong.)
From a  nutrition point of view, its not bad or unhealthy and wont change your body.

From an exercise point of view. Resting is necessary and 5 days of rest or less strict exercise will only be good for you. No you wont lose your visible abs, however if your joy and happiness comes from having visible abs then you really have to reconsider what makes you happy in life - because trust me, visible abs or muscle definition should not be your main happiness.

From a mental point of view?You might feel anxiety and guilt, but be prepared for that... maybe you wont feel it at all. But these 5 days will make you face your fears and will make you stronger, it will make  you realise that there is so much more to life than how you are currently living.... that you shouldn't let your eating disorder hold you back. Do you want to look back in 10 years time and think you missed out on so much and have regrets because you never dared step outside of your comfort zone or do anything different. 

Usually the anxiety and worry beforehand is always worse... you think about things that could go wrong, you worry about the food or the change in routines but you know what? Once you get there hopefully that anxiety and worry will go away and you will have a great time, enjoy yourself and go back home feeling more motivated than ever to truly fight your eating disorder. 

And in the worse case scenario, you go there and the anxiety and fear is just far too much and you feel too overwhelmed, then you can always travel home some way or another.... so if you really cant manage it, then maybe you can travel home earlier .But i think you should have as a goal to go there and enjoy the 5 days, make the best of it :) You wont know until you try!

Fight your eating disorder, fight your fears, its the only way to recover.

And remember.... worrying just means you suffer twice!
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Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Answers - how much to eat on rest days, feeling dizzy when working out, weight gain when exercising

Have you wroted anything about if one should eat less on restdays? I'm very active 4 days a week where I need to eat around 2700 calories but the three other days I'm very much only resting/taking short walk or doing non-active stuff and I'm unsure how to eat those days. Did not find this topic in your blog :o

Would be sooo thankful for hearing your and other people's opinions and how they do :)
Thanks for awesome blog and go you!

 Its great to hear that you are taking the rest you need and a balance of 4 workouts/3 rest days is a great amount! When it comes to food and how much to eat it all depends on whether your weight is stable now, but also on what your goals with exercise are (i.e whether its just enjoyment or example to gain strength/muscle). From what i understand and my own recommendation is usually to keep your intake the same each day. 
Usually when people dont workout they arent as hungry and then the days they workout they are more hungry - or for some its the opposite where they are more hungry on rest days and less hungry during workout days. So that balances itself out. But also usually when you workout you might eat more before you workout or more after you workout or you might have a pre or post workout snack which you dont eat on your rest days so that also gives more of a balance. Because of course you do need more energy the days you workout, but if you are working out alot or you have a goal to get stronger or build muscle or get faster then it wont help you to eat less on your rest days. .Because if you eat the same amount on your rest days then that "extra" energy will be used towards your workout the following day as well as that energy will help your muscles recover properly so no, you dont need to eat less during your rest days... unless its that you gain alot of weight overtime and the weight gain isnt necessary, then eating a little less on rest days might be helpful. But if you have a stable weight then keep eating the same - according to hunger. 

When I work out, i often feel very dizzy after a short time. My weight is normal and I eat and drink enough. Do you know that problem? Exspecially when the air is quite bad it's a big problem for me. Have you got any advice how to deal with that?
If you are feeling dizzy when working out then i would go to a doctor. It could just be something as simple as you arent breathing properly when working out so your brain isnt getting the oxygen it needs. Or it could be that maybe you have an allergy towards pollen or something similar or maybe you have undiagonsed asthma which makes it hard to breathe. Or it could be something more serious as an electrolyte imbalance, lack of vitamin or mineral or even a heart problem. My step brother was experiencing problems with breathing, dizziness and a very fast heart beat when working out and it turned out he had a heart problem which he has now had an operation for and can workout again. But dizziness associated with working out isnt a good sign, then its something you need to check up and if it is causing you big problems then its even more important to check up.
Write down the symptoms, how you feel, how long it lasts and maybe what you ate/how much you drank and keep that as help for when you go to a doctor so they can better help you :) 

I unfortunatly cant give you any better advice than that as the causes of the problem can very so much.

Hi Izzy, I would like to ask you on how much weight is it normal to pun on since starting regular exercises. Recently I'am loving long-distance running and some HIIT exercises and even though I am not weight-lifting (yet, even though i plan it for the summer or next year) I've noticed that I've gained some muscle mass. When I stepped on the scale - it said 8 kg weight gain (I was underweight, so I am happy about it), but I don't seem to look so much bigger and most of my clothes fit me as well, so I am confused how is it possible to weight so much more and not to look so much different. So long story short - What is the coherence between weight gain and doing sport?

First off i would say dont weight yourself... it really isnt necessary unless you are underweight and need to gain weight, or you think you have lost weight when it isnt necessary to lose weight.

When you exercise you can gain "weight" which is most likely muscle as well as water and glycogen storage.  But also i dont know how frequently you weigh yourself, but if it was just a once off it could be that your body was just storing more water at the time which caused a higher water retention (which can be caused due to hormones or stress). 

When you gain muscle you can stay the same size but weigh more and also muscles lead to more glycogen storage as well as water retention so it all leads to more weight. At first when you begin exercising and if you do alot of intense exercise such as long distance running it can mean even more water retention and can lead to 3-4kg weight gain which in fact isnt  fat but its muscle and water etc 

I wouldnt worry so much about it :) I've personally gained around 5-6kg from exercise which is of course both muscle, fat and water but also my body composition has changed quite a lot. I have the same size clothing as i did in 2012 but weigh 5-6kg more and have a different body size.

Dont worry about the weight and keep doing the exercise if you love it and as you wrote you are/were underweight then it wouldnt harm you to actually gain more weight which is "actual" weight and not just "fake" water weight if that makes sense. This is mostly for your hormones sake and for more balance in your body. Its easy for people in recovery to begin exercising too soon and then they gain 3-4kg or more which makes them have a healthy BMI but the lowest healthy BMI and in reality that weight is ust water and muscle but they have a very low body fat percent and their hormones are all over the place because the body isnt in a healthy place and doesnt have a healthy fat percent. So keep that in mind. Long distance running burns alot of calories, so make sure to rest enough and eat enough and having too low body fat percent isnt healthy!! :)

Building strength and stamina after an eating disorder - answer

Hi I posted a longer version of this question on a post a couple of days ago but basically: how long does it take to regain full stamina and fitness levels after recovery? I've been weight restored and exercising normally for 6 months (after 5 months starvation and then 6 months bed rest and gaining weight) but I still don't seem to have as much stamina as the rest of my family, will it ever come back?

First off its great to hear that you are physically recovered now and able to live life more :) You can definitely build more stamina and strength and be as energetic as your family. You do need to remember that 6 months is a very short time of being recovered/physically healthy after something as serious as an eating disorder. Starvation affects your body in so many ways bone density can lessen, you can lose muscle, your nutrition absorption can lessen and organs are affected, it can take a long time for your body to reach a balance again. I know many in recovery can feel very tired during recovery even if they are eating at a surplus, just because it takes so much energy for the body to repair itself and those reperations arent always all completed even when you are weight restored.

The first thing i would ask myself in your situation is whether you are eating enough? You might be thinking you are eating enough but maybe you arent? I've personally noticed that sometimes when i begin feeling less energetic, more tired and less physically capable its because ive eaten less. Such as in summer when i crave more salads and fruit and then end up eating less than usual and that usually shows when i exercise and notice that i cant do as much as before. So it might just be that you arent eating enough and your family who have a more balanced and healthy (maybe?) relationship with food are eating enough. But also as i mentioned earlier, dont forget the fact that full physical recovery can take a very long time after an eating disorder.

But also whether you are resting enough in everyday life and what type of exercise you are doing? For example if you are out running 6 days a week and not doing alot of resting then you are more likely just breaking down your body and not building yourself stronger and more capable. Or even if you just strength train 6-7 days a week without enough rest then you will just break down your muscles and without the right amount of rest and food you wont build yourself stronger. So just because you exercise doesnt mean that you will are building up your strength, fitness and stamina if you dont eat enough and rest to build yourself stronger.

I dont know what type of exercise it is that you are doing with your family, but if its something you do alot of and you feel that you arent as capable as your family then maybe train more specifically towards that form of exercise....?

I hope this helps, but try to look at those different things - food, rest, what exercise you do and see if something needs to change. But also ask yourself whether you feel physically and mentally energetic in daily life or whether you feel very tired or imbalanced - then that might be a sign of something that you need to change something in your life or maybe a lack of something in your diet.

If its just a matter of you not having the strength or fitness for the exercise, then give it time and know that with all the right components of food, exercise, rest then you can build your strength and stamina up to a normal level and even more :)

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Ask me questions

Recently i have gotten asked quite a few questions which i havent gotten the time to answer so i thought i would make this post the "official" ask me question posts at the moment. Just so that i can get all your questions gathered in one post and then answer them in upcoming posts haha.

I will try  to go back and look at the previous comments and try to find your questions, but it would make it easier if you repost them here and i can answer them either in the comment section or in a post depending on how long your question is :)

Feel free to ask me anything or just request topics or posts or ask my opinion or thoughts on something or whatever you may be curious about :) If something is too personal or i dont want to answer then i wont, but i am very open on here!

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Past few days in my life

Hello and good morning :)

My days have been filled up with work, friends, family, hospital appointments and delicious food so havent been able to update my blog. But thats what life should be like :)

Friday i spent most of the day working and then in the evening had time to watch 2  episodes of new OITNB season 5 which i have waited a year for! However that is all i have had time to watch as ive had other things to do, so i cant wait until i have time to just sit down and continue watching, haha!

Saturday morning i worked from 6am to 12.30pm and then it was home time and make and eat lunch, rest a little before getting ready to leave for a "job party". It was staff from the company i work for as well as some of my work colleagues who i had never met before. The staff had arranged for us to play Boule and then we got served dinner. I cant say that the vegan option was amazing, however it was food so i was just happy over that fact and it did infact fill me up. I dont have very high standards for vegan food in situations such as the one i was in, then im just happy if there is something i can eat!

After the job party and dinner i headed off to meet 2 friends and look at some of the Pride festivities before we ended up spending most of the night at a bar with a few glasses of wine, and i got home some time around 2am and being up 22 hours that day.

Then on Sunday morning i got up, did some cleaning and headed off into town to meet my mum who had arrived in Gothenburg. It rained the WHOLE day on Sunday, so it was the perfect day to just go eat lunch and sit there for a while and then browse some shops before coming home, making dinner (rice paper rolls) and then watching a movie before going to bed early!

Then Monday morning it was an early start as we had to be at the hospital before 8am where i first had blood tests done before i could eat breakfast, and then from 8-4 it was a bunch of different tests all checking different things regarding my CF health, and in 6 weeks time i'll go   back and get the results!

During the lunch break i took my mum to the "secret" forest area by the hospital. Perfect to get a little break from the very sterile and sick environment that the hospital is.

Monday evening finished with a workout while my mum went shopping and then food at one of my favourite places - its actually a sort of fast food place, but their fries are amazing as well as the Oumph salad! We sat there for almost 2 hours and had very heated discussions about different topics.... i love having disscussions and being able to hear different opinions and point of view and learn other peoples thoughts regarding different topics. My mum and I have different opinions and experiences of certain things so we can easily spend a long time discussing and sharing our thoughts and opinons on those topics, but its always valuable to hear another persons point of view and i never get angry or mean, instead i am very good at keeping my calm and being able to hear the other person even if we dont share the same opinion!

And then to end the night it was a night snack and a movie before going to sleep! And todays plans i am not so sure what we will do... its finally stopped raining so maybe we can spend some time outside today!

I hope you all have a lovely week whatever you may be doing :)