Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Wednesday, May 10, 2017

How to be ok with being single - feeling like you need to be in a relationship

Comment 1: Are you dating anyone? And if not do you have any advice on being ok with being single? It feels like everyone is in a relationship and I want to be in one as well.

Comment 2: Same! I feel anxious that no one will ever love me because I dislike a lot of things about myself and then on top of that I'm shy and anxious so I come across even worse than I am and I feel like no boy will ever get to know me well enough to like me- when I like a boy I find it harder than normal to think of anything to say that isn't super dull.... It can be hard not to feel unworthy because you're single.


First off, you have to remember that a reltionship does not define your worth. You do not need to be in a relationship to feel worthy of love or to feel like you are "ok" and another person should not complete you... being in a relationship you can go grow and learn together with another person. You are still an independant individual, just that you choose to share your life with another person, but that person is also another independant individual.

Am i dating anyone? At the moment no. During last autumn and the start of the year i was dating different people (not at the same time!), it was fun and all but at the same time i didnt know what i wanted. I didnt think it was fair to person i was dating to just go on lots of dates but not know what i wanted or wether i actually wanted to commit to something. At the moment i am just focused on school, my friends and life... and now work, i dont feel the need to be in a relationship. I dont feel the need to change my routines and adapt to another person, and i dont really know if i want to be in a relationship. Of course i do miss the good times of my past relationship, i miss being so comfortable with another person, i miss just feeling happy being around another person and wanting to see them and spend time with them. I miss the good memories and wish i could just skip the awkward dating of new people to get to that comfortable stage, but that of course takes time haha.

I dont know if i am the best person to ask about dating advice or how to be ok with being single because i have never been someone who has needed to be in a relationship. .Ive never been worried that i will be forever single or that no one will ever love me, and i have never put my worth in wether someone approves of me or not. I am not someone who needs to be in a relationship or spends all my time thinking about another person or being in a relationship.... this of course can also be a problem because i am a little too independant, even when i was in in a relationship it was almost like i forgot about it and was far too independant and thought "i am on my own."

Just because others are in a relationship doesnt mean you have to be as well. It doesnt mean that something is wrong with you or that you are unloved, it just means that you havent found the right person for you now and that is ok. Being in a relationship just because wont last, it wont bring you happiness either. And trust me, its better to be single living your life than going through a bunch of meaningless relationships and either you having to end it or your partner having to end things. 

Instead of focusing on being in a relationship or thinking you are "nothing or worthless" because you are single focus on finding yourself. On building up your self esteem and confidnce and being happy on your own. Be happy with being single and spending time with yourself. Focus on your life and your goals and your dreams. Eventually you will find the right person even if it takes 1 year or 10 years, its ok.... ITS OK TO BE SINGLE and that is the important thing to remember. You can live your life, focus on yourself and be happy. Be ok with being yourself and find your own worth! Be an independant person who can manage on their own.

Sure relationships are nice when you find the right one and that is what you want to find.... the right person, someone you can feel compatible with. Grow with. Not have to change everything about yourself or your life for someone, not feel like you need to be someone else, find someone that supports and motivates you and doesnt hold you back. Sometimes i think that when you arent searching so much, the right person will come along, and maybe in unexpected ways. Dont force a relationship!

And if you are wondering how to meet people, thinking that you never meet people so you will never meet a potential partner then maybe try starting a new group or find a hobby where you meet people with the same interests. Or go to worksshops or other social events where you can talk to people and connect with people. Because who knows... it might just be a random stranger's brothers friend that you end up in a relationship with just because you said "hi" to that stranger and eventually added him on FB. hahahha. Who knows!!

Build up your own self confidence and live your life!!! You are more than a relationship status!!

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5 comments:

  1. This hasn't anything to do with the above post but I thought I would put it here so you would see it Izzy and hopefully be able to help me. I hope you don`t mind - I know you are busy these days and I kind of feel bad for asking but I really need help with this.
    First off - I`m in the early stages of recovery again after relapsing from a far more successful attempt last year where I virtually reached my initial goal weight. But my head was just not in the right place and I couldn't come to terms with my new shape and size so I relapsed back down into ED again. Now I am making the tentative steps back into recovery again - some days my commitment to doing so is strong and I have a good day, on others it is a struggle to stay with it and I really have to push myself.
    My problem is that I am fighting a certain ED behaviour and I just can`t seem to break the habit of doing so 100% and I feel it is holding me back. How do you break a habit? I feel so bad that I am still doing it and although I get good days where I feel more in control of the behaviour and virtually stop it I also get days where I loose it completely and just fall back into it. I want to stop but I don`t know how.
    Secondly, I have realised that although I am eating better now I seem to have begun eating the same foods all the time instead of varying my meals and I am worried that I`m going to relapse again. The trouble is when I discover a food I really enjoy I want that food often and that is whats happening now. What should I do? Is it ok to eat the same things or should I be having different foods?
    I feel as though I am on that slippery slope of relapsing before I have really got started and its making me so scared . I want to beat this ED but can`t seem to get over these obstacles. Have you any advice?

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    1. Umm my advice is to go through it slowly. Sometimes those bad habits are really difficult to break because you're surrounded by a haze of negativity and fear in your mind. Following recovery and inspirational accounts on the internet and exposing yourself to positivity as much as possible will help a lot.. it will show you that your anxiety and fear is meaningless. It will take time and you'll have bad days but you'll learn a lot.. and by time, you'll find yourself shifting your life to the better. Try to replace all the ideas in your mind with more beautiful ones. I personally keep looking through recovery blogs on tumblr which make me feel beautiful and positive (not all the time, but it helps!). With the lack of variety, try to experiment with one food at a time. If you cook your meals yourself, make one day during the week dedicated for new foods you're scared of trying and then discover how you feel.. be easy with yourself and don't rush into things.. sometimes it takes a whole lot of discovery to become balanced and healthy again! By the way, I'm not izzy. Hope I helped! :)

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  2. Reading back through some of your previous posts on relapse and other things I think I have gone some way to answering my own question - I don`t think I am eating enough - hence the behaviour and craving a certain meal all the time.
    I am going to increase my food intake and see what happens. Thank you Izzy for your blog and providing so much information.

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  3. This post is so true - you don`t need to be part of a couple to be a worthwhile person! And even if you are in a relationship, you are still a person in your own right with your own beliefs and values,likes and dislikes, personality etc. Being single is what you make it - you can choose to be social, have friends, live life and have fun or you can bury yourself away thinking you just aren't good enough. Relationships often come about when you are least expecting it, so its good not to force the issue. Be social and have fun in life as you, and let things take there natural course.

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  4. What do you look for in a guy?

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