Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Eating for numbers or eating 'just because'

Yesterday when doing a random "keep clicking to the next video" on youtube i ended up watching a bunch of random "what i eat in a day" videos. So many different ways of eating its almost a little fascinating and irritating at times, haha. I used to watch alot of food challenges however the more i learn about nutrition not to mention that looking at non vegan food challenges doesnt really appeal to me anymore, however the more i learn the more i feel sorry for the peoples' bodies who have to deal with all the junk food/processed food. If its just once its not such a big deal but many do continuous challenges and it just turns into a huge challenge followed by restrictive eating or other compensatory methods after eating so much and it just all feels a bit messed up, not to mention cant be healthy in the short or long term.

But one thing i noticed when watching the videos is that there are 2 (and plenty) more ways of eating which i wanted to comment on.

One of the ways of eating was "eating just because".... i.e eat grilled cheese sandwich with white bread for breakfast, pasta with cheese and bacon for lunch and pizza for dinner and inbetween its some cookies or chocolate and maybe some ice cream for dessert. The person eating just because they need to eat. Now dont get me wrong, eating like this once in a while is no problem and these types of foods aren't "Bad" (no food is bad... its about the amount and frequency of food eaten). But what struck me was that the closest the person got to a vegetable was the sauce on their pizza. Sure the day had alot of energy but very little micronutrients. IF this was a once off it wouldnt matter, we all have days where the closest we get to a vegetable is the ruccola on the pizza we eat or some random spices on our pasta, thats OK. However if its an everyday thing thats when the problems *might* come in the long term.

Then however there was another way of eating where food is just numbers. Where the person didnt eat for enjoyment but ate for numbers and ended up eating a bowl of just plain white rice to reach their number of carbs. Everything had to be tracked and counted and couldnt choose what they wanted to eat. Instead the food was measured and weighed and put into a calorie counting app and there seemed to be very little enjoyment in the food..... Of course i get that some people when competing in fitness follow this way of eating (and i have my opinions about this, but thats for another rainy day!). But it just seems a little sad when food is just seen as numbers.... a potato is seen as X carbs and 6 potatoes need to be eaten to reach their carb level.... wait no, infact only 5,5 potatoes is allowed. It takes the fun and enjoyment away from food.
I've measured and weighed food and eaten according to macros or just calories and it isnt a fun way of eating.... all i could see was numbers and it didnt matter that avocado or nuts or dark chocolate was healthy, they all contained too many calories to be allowed in my diet.

Food is an enjoyment and it should be enjoyed, of course there also needs to be some awareness and knowledge about nutrition and knowing WHY you eat, and that is to get all the vitamins and minerals you need. Because in the end you can eat 2500kcal everyday from just pasta but you will eventually end up with vitamin and mineral deficiency, or you could track every little micro and macro nutrient and feel unhappy and unsatisfied because meals are just a maths problem and food is just numbers. Neither way are a good way to live.

The balance. Eat some veggies and fruit daily, eat food you enjoy, everything in balance and moderation, drink water throughout the day. You dont need to track your food to be healthy, just try to have some common sense. Eating more carbs than usual wont hurt you, eating more fat than usual wont make you fat, eating less protein than usual wont make you lose muscle. And even if you have a day where you eat lots or dont eat very nutritionally dense it wont harm you, its about a longer period of time of a certain way of eating.

Find balance and find enjoyment from eating! Just eating pizza is just as bad as eating only broccoli.... though if im honest, i would much rather recommend only eating pizza (because then you atleast get carbs, fat and protein) compared to just eating broccoli where you would much quicker end up with nutrient and energy deficiency!!!


  1. This post was very interesting. My partner is following a weight loss diet so I would say he is definitely "eating to numbers". The diet describes itself as non- restrictive, that any food is "allowed" - which I guess it is in one sense, I mean nothing is "banned" but you have to be able to fit it into your points for the day. So if you really fancy pasta for tea it depends on how many points you have left whether you can have it or not. This point counting has certainly taken a lot of the pleasure and enjoyment away from food - each meal is like a military operation - portion sizes, point values all have to be counted and documented. Of course there are foods which are lower or higher in points, so he is naturally gravitating towards the lower point foods and because of this I find I am preparing the same foods week in week out. I cannot remember when we last made a spontaneous choice about what to cook for tea! He has his meals and I have mine - 9 times out of 10 I am making two different meals which means cooking has really become a chore just lately.
    Its certainly no fun counting food all the time.

  2. BTW - how is your hip pain today? I hope you are feeling a bit better and the pain has eased off a bit xx