Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

Translate

Friday, April 7, 2017

You will never feel ready for recovery - and even if you do there will still be tough times

When it comes to recovery you often never feel ready.... there is still something holding you back. You might reach the stage where you really, really, dont want to be sick anymore. You reach the stage where you know you need help and to get better but still there is something holding your back... and that is your illness.

The thing about recovery is that there is no "perfect time" to recover. Its not after your exams, its not during the summer holidays, its not after a work project, its not after a race.... the time to recover is now. Waiting to seek treatment, waiting to ask for help, waiting to get medication or waiting to recover is just "procrastinating" and wasting your own life.

Recovery wont always be easy. There will be times that you wonder why you are doing what you are doing... why are you doing all these things that cause so much anxiety. Why are you recovering when everything just feels tougher and harder and there seem to be no positive results. Why are you recovering when it is so extremely painful and tough and being sick seems *easier*. There will be times when recovery doesnt seem worth it... but you need to keep going nonetheless, it sure doesnt get easier by giving up. And if you do relapse, eventually your eating disorder will kill you/make you have a rather horrible life/ or you will need to get back on to recovering.

Recovery can often be just about going through the motions.... eating even if you arent hungry. When you are in recovery and have a meal plan to follow you just need to eat whether you are hungry or not. And if you really really cant eat due to stomach issues or what not, then you need to find another way to get those calories into you whether its through a smoothie, milkshake or eating lots of nuts or nut butters. Recovery is about doing the things you might not want to do and facing fears even if you would prefer not to.... you dont really have a choice. But also you have to remember WHY you are recovering... Why do you want your life back? Why do you want your health back? Why do you want to be free? How will recovery help you? Why are you recovering? Recovery isnt for anyone else, it is for you.... it is to be able to live life again, feel happy again, be able to create and live your life and not be held back by an illness. But also because eating disorders kill.... they have one of the highest mortality rates of mental illnesses, so without treatment your eating disorder can lead you to an early death.

Of course you cant just go through the motions all of recovery - you do also need to get to the root of the problem and change your thoughts. Because sure, while you are in treatment you can be forced to eat your 6 meals... but if you dont understand WHY you need to eat, if you dont make the choice to eat and realise you need to eat, then when you get back home again you will just resort to old habits. So even if someone can force you to eat or to rest or to talk about your problems, if you dont actually want to eat and rest and realise why you have to do it, or dont do something about the actual problems then recovery wont last because its just "following the plan/actions". It is about a mental change and willing to change to live a better life.

Remember that you cant recover while still holding onto the same old negative routines and habits. They may be comforting to you, but all those small things you do or those routines and habits that are because of your eating disorder... you need to change them in recocvery. You cant move on if you are still holding onto the past. All the sick behaviour and thoughts need to be changed to fully recover.

Understand WHY you need to recover. Make the choice to recover. But also remmeber that not everday is easy even if you are motivated to recover, but also there is no perfect time to recover..... the perfect time is right now.

You mess up your previous meal? Well make sure to eat your next meal right.
You purged a meal? Make sure that the next meal you dont.
You didnt eat as much as you were supposed to? Make sure that your next meal you eat the amount you should.
You binged and over ate? Make sure that you next meal is the right amount.

Dont wait until the next day or next week, instead get back onto recovery straight away.... of course its easier said than done, but thats the way through the hell of an eating disorder.

There are no shortcuts in recovery. There is no compensation in recovery. There is no quick fix to recovery.


Its tough, its hard, its anxiety and guilt filled, but it is so worth it when you are finally free. 

5 comments:

  1. This has nothing to do with the above post but I thought I`d put it here so you would perhaps see it Izzy -
    An idea occurred to me today for something you could maybe think about adding to your blog - how about running "what I know this week that I didn't know before" ?
    For this you could invite readers to share their discoveries - be it something they have learnt about themselves, something they have learnt about recovery, something or any achievements in school or work - or even something they have created in the kitchen that they hadn't tried before. I thought it would be a fun way of getting some reader involvement and perhaps interaction going and I love looking at posts like this:) I especially enjoy your "random facts about me " lists you have done in the past and when you invite readers to share their facts too. And I like it when you run "successes of the week/month and the "goals" lists too.
    Ofcourse you may think this idea is daft and wouldn't work/isn't suitable topic for your blog and that's ok. Just trying to think of ideas to perhaps take the pressure off you feeling that you have to be creative when perhaps you`re not and you`re stuck what to post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is a great idea :) however not so many people actually comment so then the whole idea doesn't really work:( I love learning more about my followers and having discussions and comments and such, but if nobody comments or shares ideas then it gets a little boring or pointless hahah. So if people want these type of topic/weekly posts then you need to let me know and actually comment! Just like in stores... if a certain food doesn't sell well then they stop trying to sell it ^-^

      Delete
  2. Hey izzy, this is irrelevant to your post but I have a question..
    I am underweight (I have anorexia) and I'm not currently in recovery or trying to recover and before I got 'sick' I did eat meat but have now been a vegetarian for over a year (except for about a week when I was in hospital and a dietitian convinced me that I had to eat meat to 'recover'). I love being a vegetarian and I know that I am a vegetarian for ethical reasons and do not use it as a way of being restrictive (I eat meat alternatives) and hope to one day be vegan but when and if I ever recover (I don't associate veganism with restriction, I actually associate it with eating how and what I want which I find scary because being vegan to me means being recovered). Anyway my question is have you ever eaten any meat products when you've been a vegetarian? I don't enjoy or miss meat at all but last week when I was having abit of a binge I ate a piece of chicken the size of a 50 cent piece. I don't know why? I didn't want it.. I guess I'm just wondering if you might have any ideas as to why I might have done that?

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love this post! It is so true, it will always seem like there is a "better time" to recover than now. I kept wanting to put off recovery and therapy until after I graduated from university. I thought it would just be easier because I'm in a lot of really tough classes getting ready for medical school. But then last fall I just realized that there will always be something hard in life that I could try to justify as being a bigger priority than recovery. After university there is jobs, applying to medical school, then actually (hopefully) going to medical school and becoming a doctor. Life will always be busy and there will never be a "good" time to recover, the best time is now! Now that I have been in recovery for about 8 months, I wish I would have started even sooner. I mean it's really hard with my classes and getting ready for graduation, but I'm getting to the point where I can actually experience life again instead of just going through the motions of it. If anyone is in the position Izzy described, where you think you have to wait until you have done X or Y to recover, then I encourage you to take the first baby step! See a therapist, nutritionist, or Doctor. Reach out to a friend. I took such small baby steps at the beginning, but now they have added up to put me in a position that I never thought I could get to. I have a lot further to go, but I have came so far as well. You guys can too!! Thanks for the awesome post Izzy.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yes, thank you Izzy, I echo what the above reader has written - it was a great post and so very useful.
    The time has come for me where I can`t stand being sick any longer, I am totally fed up with looking ill and feeling terrible all the time - life is just existing through the day until I go to bed, and then I have it all over again in the morning. No energy to do anything, no real interest in my life. So I have decided things have to change. This morning I put in my prescription for supplement drinks and this weekend I am going to start eating proper meals. Your post made me realise I am just putting off attempting recovery, not even giving it or myself a chance. You are so right, there is no "right time". I`m scared its not going to be easy but I have to give it a go or else I don`t know what will happen to me.
    So thank you for this, it was the final deciding factor that made me make my mind up to give recovery a chance. Its got to better than being sick hasn't it?

    ReplyDelete