Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Thursday, April 6, 2017

Scared of living life - letting your eating disorder hold you back

An eating disorder usually doesnt develop out of nothing... there are problems that have lead to the eating disorder developing. Different factors that have affected you and lead to the habits, behaviours and mindset of an eating disorder. Whether its over eating, undereating, exercise addiction, purging etc it isnt something that just happens over night or something that just happens out of the blue. However an eating disorder can very much be about control... wanting control over your life but not knowing how to control your life, so instead you control the one thing you can... which is food, or you control your body/how your body looks. And overtime that control leads to more symptoms and behaviours of an eating disorder.

While i was sick i had alot of fears, and many were irrational. I also had alot of hopes and dreams, but they collided with my fears and my eating disorder which held me back. I dreamed of living a normal life, being healthy, happy and free. But those things scared me so much as well.... i feared the future emmensly, the fear of the unknown, fear of growing up and being an adult, fear of life and fear of messing up. So many fears that held me back. I wanted control... i wanted control over my life as there was so much that i couldnt control.

As ive grown up i have realised that i cant control life, and trying to control my life with food and exercise doesnt work either. Instead all i can do is control my thoughts and my reactions. I can control how i think regarding different situations, whether i choose to think positively or negatively, how i choose to react when different things happen in life. And by realising this it makes life so much better... i cant control when bad or negative things happen, but i can control how i think and react to those situations. Life has its ups and downs and life will always keep moving forward and all i can do is make the best of it. When you make the decision to think positively and just go with the ups and downs of life and not try to control everything, life is much better and easier.

But also when you decide to LIVE LIFE and not hide from life. For so many years in my life i have feared actually living... i have wanted routines and habits and never wanted to step outside of my comfort zone. Not try anything new and let different insecurities and low self esteem and control issues hold me back. But life is so much more than that, life is about stepping outside of your comfort zone and doing new things and allowing yourself to live life... whether that means drinking tea and watching series or taking midnight road trips or going to a new cafe on your own or jumping on a bus and exploring a new city on your own. Whatever "Living life" means to you... do it. Life is too short to live with regrets or to just live in your comfort zone.

Dont let your eating disorder hold you back. Dare to try new things, dare to live life. Move to a new city, change your major in school if you need to, change your school if you arent happy there, change work if you dont like where you are working, get rid of toxic people in your life, try a new workout form, change eating habits if the ones you have arent healthy, try a new hobby.... allow yourself to change and grow.

Dont let your eating disorder stop you from living life. Stop you from actualy LIVING and experiencing. Routines and habits are nice, but in the end do you want to look back on your life and think "im glad i did the same thing everyday for 50 years." or "im glad i didnt eat that ice cream when i craved it" or "im glad i worked out everyday instead of meeting friends because its sure helpful now..." etc

I dont really know where i am going with this post but i guess i just wanted to remind you all that life can be amazing. Maybe not everyday and some times in your life there are tough times. The past 1,5 years sure wasnt so positive for me and there was alot of negativity and life didnt feel amazing. But right now life feels amazing and thats worth living for..... the good times in life. Fighting through the bad times so you can experience the good times. But like mentioend above, its all about mindset and how you choose to react and think. Life is only as good as your mindset!!

Decide to LIVE life. Decide to create your life and enjoy it and dont let your mental illness hold you back. Even if you have a physical illness, it may hinder you in some areas in life, but still choose to live life and not let your illness hold you back anymore than necessary!!


2 comments:

  1. How are *you* at the moment, Izzy? It feels like a while since you wrote about your life, though I guess it isn't that long really. I hope you are well, and that you are having fun.

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  2. This was a really lovely post and so well written. You managed to get your message about living life across so well. The paragraph where you write about changing your reaction to certain situations and adjusting how you deal with all that life brings was particualy good and really hit home for me.
    Thank you for such an insightful post. It is one I will try to remember and practise what you suggest.
    Hope you are well and looking forward to the Easter break - have you any plans for Easter? I have some last minute Easter eggs to buy before I`m ready for it so I`m off to do that today before the shops clear their shelves. For some strange reason eggs are in the shops way before Easter but during the days leading up to the day itself they clear their shelves! bizzare!

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