Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Lunch at my favourite vegan restaurant and Back to reality

Hello and good afternoon everyone :)

Its Tuesday and soon time for me to head into town and catch my train back home again. Mixed feelings as usual before travelling.... ive had alot of different emotions and feelings back in Stockholm again. Everything is "the same", but im different. But also that there really isnt much in Stockholm apart from my parents and my dog, but otherwise not much else and it feels strange. So many memories and it feels different and strange and cant quite explain it. Like when you go back to your childhood home and another family lives there, you walk around and remember everything and it looks the same but also so different?

But the positive is that i see Gothenburg as my home and the place i want to be. I am independant and like living on my own, managing life on my own but it is also nice to be back with my family again. There is a comfort in being home, but a few days is enough. Its always mixed feelings and emotions, but once i am on the train and it starts rolling i start feeling better again .... its just that 3,5 hour train ride when you begin to think too much and begin to question life choices and fear the future and being an adult just seems too much. But as usual, i will distract myself with school work during the train ride so i dont have time to feel that anxiety or think those thoughts, haha.

I must admit though, i am not ready to go back to school and reality again. I am not ready for my presentation, i am not ready to restart group work, i am not ready to start writing my essay/nutrition changes, i am not ready to go back to lectures again..... i feel rested from these few days, but i also long for more "free days". Because i havent really been free, instead i have studied 4/5 days here in Stockholm so it hasnt been much of a mental break. So i must say, i am ready for summer and to not study for a few months and just focus on working.... I love my studies, i love learning but when there are so many assignments and deadlines and grades it becomes stressful and a "must" rather than a "want to". However i think i mostly feel this was i have had no structure to my days the past few days and i am a structure person... i need structure and routine to keep me feeling calm and in control. When i can plan my days and plan my study hours and rest hours and when im free/resting or when im in school or working, its much easier for me to feel in control of my life and to feel like i have enough time for everything i want to do. A break from routine is important, but a few days is enough for me.... now i want to go back to my daily life and structure!!

Anyway, what i wanted to write in this post was that today i went to lunch at my favourite place in Stockholm - Hermans. Now they are fully plant based (i think), before they were just vegetarian i.e some dishes had dairy or egg, but now i could choose whatever which i liked! And it was nice to just sit with my mum and sister for a little while before my sister travelled away to her university town and now im soon off to mine!!

It has been a lovely 5 days but im ready to go back to my routines and habits. I have so many different emotions and thoughts right now, its hard to write them all out... maybe i will in a few days, but for now i will end the post here as i have to leave!!













3 comments:

  1. That's amazing Izzy. :) yes I know how you feel about routines and structures. I love routines too and I kind of get anxious around change. As soon as I go to my mom for the holidays, I quickly make my new routine and stick to it. And it's rather hard for me to let go when the holidays are over, because my routine usually clings to so many sweet comfortable moments when it feels like my heart is in place, you know what I mean? Anyway, I hope you're doing well st school. Try to think of the work you're having as a way to illustrate your learning process, give out your all to all the questions and add your touch.. it's what I do to stay motivated. I'm glad to hear you're going to work! Is your new job nutrition-related?

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  2. I always get so jealous over your delicious looking bunch adventures! It looks soooooo tasty.
    I can 100% relate to the feelings of independence. I miss my family sometimes, but it always feels weird going home to visit because it just isn't 'mine' anymore. I like being able to do my own thing, run errands when I need to, cook what I want when I want...I'm definitely an introvert, so being around anyone exhausts me quite easily haha
    Good luck with your last class! I'm writing finals right now...2 down and 3 to go. I'm also looking forward to summer :) but I'm taking a 3 week class in May. But after that it will be summer!

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  3. I understand what you mean about having structure and routine - I`m pretty much the same. This past week my partner has been home on holiday from work so the days have been quite different - no real structure and definitely no routine! I like my creature habits and although it was lovely to spend more time with him I am glad that today I get to go back to my normal routine :) I`m not saying change isn't good and its nice to do something different sometimes but I definitely feel better in myself if I have some kind of plan for the day. I`m the same when I go away on holiday, it takes me a couple of days to "settle down" if you get what I mean?
    Your lunch out looked so delicious - you are so lucky to have places like that where you can eat!
    You mentioned in a previous post that you had got a job? what are you going to be doing?
    Hope your journey back to Gothernberg went ok and you are managing to settle back into your daily life again. Its always hard leaving family and friends after spending a few days with them and I`d say its perfectly normal to experience mixed emotions about doing so. I`m sure once you get back to school etc you will feel better about things and have fond memories of your time away :)
    How is your dog now btw, is she better after her operation?

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