Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Thursday, April 20, 2017

Looking back - realizing how much has changed.

If someone told me 1 year ago that i would be happy and enjoying life i would not have believed them.

If someone told me 2 years ago that i had moved away from home - finally - and lived in 2 different cities and gone to two different universities. Not to mention become more social and open and made new friends, i would not have believed them. Also that i would be happy and capable of living on my own and dealing with stress and not feeling isolated or lonely or suicidal, but actually able to live a functioning life.

If someone told me 3 years ago that i had gone vegan and no longer ate chicken, quark or eggs i would have laughed and said that would never happen.

If someone told me 4 years ago that i can make friends in school, i can meet new people and try new things and step outside of my comfort zone in so many different ways both with work, school, life, health, friends etc i would not have believed them.

If someone told me 5 years ago that there are different forms of training than just cardio machines, not to mention more training than just going to a gym everyday i would have slightly panicked and thought "what is exercise and does it even count if its not 1-2 hours cardio?"

If someone told me 5 years ago that i could eat normally, that i could eat without restriting, eat without purging or binging, eat without compensating, eat without feeling guilty i would have thought they were straight up lying, because i could see no way that was possible for me. No way i could be free from the obsessive and controlling thoughts in my head and the constant guilt and anxiety connected with food, life, control and my body.

If someone told me 6 years ago that i could eat normally and care free, i could live a life i had only dreamed of and that i was no longer stuck in hospital i would have thought it was impossible, that i would have died before that became a reality.

If someone told me 7 years ago that i could love my body and no longer want to change it. .That i no longer cared about a number on the scale, no longer cared about bloating or having fat on my body, no longer cared about bones showing or wanting to disappear and not take up place, i would have wondered how that is even a possible reality when i hated my body and myself so much.

If someone told me 8 years ago that i would be a strong, independant woman who loves herself and loves life and deals with the ups and downs of life i would have thought the person was lying and that that was not a reality for me, just a dream. I was a shy girl, an introverted girl (which i still am in some way) but life has made me tough and strong both physically and mentally and i am strong and independant and can deal with life and not use destructive behaviours to cope.

Life may seem tough now.... i know how tough it is when you are struggling but one day you may look back, just like im doing now and realised that your dreams now, can be a reality in the future. But it also means change and working towards that new reality. You cant expect things to be different if you dont change them.

Time passes, day by day, month by month, year by year. Im not saying this to stress you out, but to remind you that you can CHANGE... anytime, its all up to you and whether you like it or not, the days or passing and its up to you to make the best of those days and the best of your life.

You wont ever regret FULL/REAL recovery, but you will regret staying sick. (Because yes, even if you didnt choose to become sick you ALWAYS have the choice to become healthy and each day you dont make steps towards recovery you are choosing to stay sick.)

So decide to make a change and even if it takes time, even if it takes months or years you will thank yourself.

I am happy that i kept going, i am happy that i didnt give up or didnt decide that in 2015 or 2016 everything was too much and i rather not keep going. But i did and here i am now, so much happier and healthier and almost a year (c.a 9-10 months) of being "free" from depression/depressive thoughts and i am living a much better life which i could only dream of back then!!

So keep going and make changes!


  1. I think its awesome that you can look back over the years and acknowledge just how far you have come, all the hurdles and struggles you have overcome. Making changes, the right changes is often very hard because sometimes you just don`t realise that something has to change - and when you do it has often become such a habit that making a change is harder. I wish we could know mistakes/the wrong path before we choose them!
    Its great that you can sum up the past few years like this and you should feel so proud of yourself for all that you have achieved!

  2. I love the point you make that even though it may not be our choice to become sick we always have the choice to step away from that illness. Recovery is a choice! Not an easy choice by any means, but a real and powerful choice nonetheless! ~Zoe (