Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Friday, April 14, 2017

It's not a competition about who has it worse

This post is a thought/ramble post and a reminder for myself... something i felt i needed to write out.

Two days i was talking with my room mate and she began saying how stressed she was with school and the work she had to do. I agreed and began saying how stressed i was as well and began saying all the different assignments and group works and due dates i had and how stressful school was for me as well.  We both then sat in silence for a while - agreeing that school was stressful. However i then began to feel a little guilty and silly because i realised that i should have just let her talk about her stress and how stressed she felt without me having to talk my own stress and my own deadlines. I could have just let her had her moment to rant and just been like "yeah school  is stressful" without having to add my own problems to it, as if saying... "my stress is worse than yours".

But also a while ago i was talking to my sister on the phone and she began talking about how she felt anxiety with her deadlines and school work and other things in her life. Then i began talking about my own anxiety and how i had had a panic attack that day and how awful anxiety was etc etc And then when the call ended i began feeling guilty because i should have just let my sister have her moment to complain and rant without me saying "yeah i also had anxiety today and i had a panic attack" (as if saying... my anxiety is worse than yours.).

I never used to be like this... if someone talked about being anxious or stressed i would never go into my own problems, i would just say "yeah me too" or leave it at that. But as I've been opening up more about my own problems I guess I feel ok with sharing them, but at times it can feel like it becomes an unconscious competition as if saying "I have it worse" even if that's not what I mean. I think it's just me ovwranalysing and feeling guilt over nothing.

But when it comes to illnesses and in recovery it can often be like this... a sort of competition between people. Life is not a competition i.e stress, pain, feelings it's all subjective. What stresses some people motivates others... just like with pain, some people cry when they get blood tests, others can handle alot more or get tattoos and feel moderate or little discomfort. It's all subjective and you can't compare stress but it also isn't a competition.

This is a reminder for myself, that if others say they are stressed I don't need to mention I'm stressed as well, and the same with anxiety.  Let people rant and complain without mentioning my own problems, the focus on me.

This isn't an everyday thing, it's just something I noticed and got angry at myself for. Hahha. It's most probably silly......

What are your thoughts about This? I just feel confused haha.

5 comments:

  1. I totally get where you're coming from! I think it can be really hard to find the balance between being a good listener and support to your friends and also being sure you get the support you need. I mostly just listen to other people's problems and never voice my own struggles, but that isn't good either. I'll leave conversations feeling resentful that I never get the chance to talk about my own struggles and get support for myself, when I need to just be willing to talk about my problems and ask for support. I think it's all about balance. Maybe it's best to let people rant as you say, as long as you can then go to them and rant when you need to too, just at a different time when you need it rather than in response to what they say? Not totally sure, balance in relationships is really hard!!

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    1. Oh exactly. I don't want this post to make it seem like I always talk about my problems, because I really don't, 80% of the time I stay silent but it was just something I noticed recently. And like you say, it's a balance... listening to other people's problems and not having to voice your own unless it seems like an ok time haha. A balance!

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  2. Dear Izzy, to respond in the way you describe here is quite the way such conversations often work, I think, and often what people expect. Yes, there is a time for just letting people rant, but responding by sharing one's own problems is often a sign of friendship and trust. If you struggle anyway with finding it hard to share things, then I think it would be a mistake to reproach yourself and feel guilty the moment you begin to be able to do so a little more. Sometimes people want to feel that they are not the only one with stress, anyway, and part of why they mention it is in the hope that you will say "me too". Though, it is true that such conversations can just be negative and make the atmosphere heavier if both people are struggling. Perhaps it is good that if you listen to one person, you also share with another your own stress?
    Btw, I am sorry you are finding it stressful. Can you tell your teachers too, when it is difficult?

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  3. I think it varies with different situations, but sometimes it can be most comforting to know someone else struggles with similar things, and you're not just oversharing if you're the only one ranting.

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  4. I don`t think you are being selfish mentioning your own issues nor do I think you should feel guilt for doing so. When someone opens up to you how they are feeling its natural for the listener to want to offer comfort in some way and this is often done by showing you can relate to their problem/issue. By saying you yourself are going through similar things and feeling the same way you are offering comfort and support - often what the other person wants to learn is that they`re not going through whatever it is alone, that there are others in the same position, that they understand. I think that is what you are doing and you are able to do it more now because you yourself have started being more open about your previous problems/issues. It is perfectly natural to want to share, to feel that you have that "common bond" with someone. So I wouldn't worry and try to change things, its not stealing the moment - like you said its not said in competition. I just think its because you understand and you want to show that person that you understand. And I`m sure they appreciate being able to talk to someone who can relate to what they`re going through.

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