Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, April 4, 2017

It's hard to feel happy and healthy when you have disordered eating - masterpost

If you are always thinking about food. Thinking about what you can or can't eat, at what time you can or can't eat. Always planning your food, always thinking about your next meal or how to avoid your next meal. If your thoughts are constantly on food in some way or another, whether its counting calories and planning and fearing food, or whether its from an obsession and can't stop eating food or waiting for your next meal. If food is constantly on your mind, or if you have disordered eating in some form it is very hard to feel happy and healthy.

In the past i've had it all.... restricted and feared food. Counted calories and planned how best to avoid eating, what tactics i should use to eat as little as possible, what ways i could hide and cheat with food. Ive counted other peoples calories and made food for others and gotten satisfaction from seeing others eat while wanting to eat the food myself so badly. Ive spent days where almost the majority of my time my thoughts were on food in some form or another, while all the time i restricted myself and never allowed myself to eat.

Ive also been on the polar opposite, where i couldnt make myself stop eating. Once again food had taken over my mind and my life, but i couldnt stop eating... it was black and white. Just a slice of bread or a bite of chocolate would trigger something in my mind and then i couldnt stop eating until i eat thousands of calories at once. I went through extreme binges where i would have to go to the store to replace the food i had consumed so that my mum or sister wouldnt know.

During the years i was sick i also purged frequently, anything to get rid of the food. And when i went through binging i could purge anywhere from 3-7 times in a day, anything to get rid of the food i had consumed.

Ive gone through eating far too healthy and clean, not wanting anything deemed bad or unhealthy. Food was on my mind, the foods i wanted but couldnt have because they were unhealthy.

From all those stages in my life, i can say that it is hard to feel healthy or happy when you have disordered eating or disordered thoughts about food. Food is part of life, and people think about food. Some people more than others. Food is also an enjoyment and something social, we bake and cook and invite others to taste and enjoy the food. We go out to eat and are social, we eat food when we're offered, we enjoy free food, we maybe meal prep  and enjoy trying new food. Basically, food is part of life but it SHOULD NOT consume your whole life or all your thoughts. Even if you are working with food in some form or another, it shouldnt be the only thing you think about. Jjust like for a dietician or nutritionist or someone who works with counting calories and making meal plans, all their energy and thoughts shouldnt go towards calories and food 24/7.

It is very draining and unhealthy when your relationship with food is unhealthy. When you restrict or compensate or count every calorie. When you think of food as good or bad, or food you can have or cant have, or when you crave foods and dont allow yourself to eat them. Or you crave foods and then you cant stop eating them.

Recovery is about finding balance with food and not letting it control your life. Because you NEED to eat... everyone needs to eat. Food is both a source of energy, nutrition to keep us healthy, but also an enjoyment. You cant take away the fact that food is a very social thing in  most countries and it brings an enjoyment and even a "togetherneess" with some people. Food isnt always eaten for optimal nutrition or health, it is more than that in todays society and thats ok. You dont need to eat the chocolate for optimal health, but maybe for mental health and well being.

You need to remember and realise that food shouldnt always be on your mind. Life should be on your mind.... living and your interests and school or work. Or maybe that new series or film or book or your hobbies or friends..... food is just a part of that, but not everything.

Also when you begin to normalise your eating habits and find healthy ones for you, you realise that food controls you less. Its a process but you will realise that the more balanced your eating habits are the more balanced your thoughts are and vice versa.

Try to focus on life and fix your eating habits as well as your thoughts, and realise that there is so much more to life. Dont spend your whole life just worrying about food, thats not life... thats living out of fear. It takes time but it's not impossible to find balance!

I get many questions about this topic - thinking too much about food - so i will link all my previous posts aboutt his subject which might help!

Always thinking about food
Thinking about food all the time, will the thoughts ever go away
How to focus less on food/get rid of obsessive food thoughts
Thinking about food - how much is normal

Spending your whole day just waiting for your next meal
It's a thin line between just liking food and being obsessed with food
Normal people thoughts
Focusing too much on food
Do i have a food obsession - my self analysis


  1. It's a random question, but is there a reason you don't consume nutritional yeast, it's a good source of b12 aswell as other b-group vitamins..Just wondering, as it seems that lots of vegans are obsessed with it.

  2. I believe that the author was able to fully convey all the experiences and fears of which it is worth to get rid of and live happily.

  3. Since my partner has been following his new weight loss diet food these days is all about counting points, working out points and trying to put a meal together with x amount of say it is getting tedious is an understatement. So it is cooking one meal for him and another for me. Considering we are at opposite ends of the scale when it comes to weight this is increasingly becoming more and more of a chore, and I won`t pretend that in some ways I find all the point counting triggering, especially when something we are having ie rice carries a high points value and he says as much. Thoughts like I shouldn't be having it are creeping in, but I am trying not to think that way. Its hard trying to gain whilst he`s trying to lose. Not an ideal scenario and sometimes I struggle to get my own thoughts straight on it and remain focused for my own goals, but all the food planning and prep and cooking falls to me.
    I don`t know where I`m going with this post - I guess I`m just having a bit of moan, but its good to get it off my chest

    1. That sounds really tough, I'm sorry you have to go through this!! Everyone needs a bit of a moan now and then haha. I can sort of relate, my brother was a wrestler and had to cut weight for the sport. This was not healthy weight loss, he had to restrict a lot, count every calorie, and use pretty extreme methods of compensation before weigh ins (as do most wrestlers, especially the really good ones). Needless to say, this was a very tough environment to be in. But I think something helpful for me, as perhaps could be for you too, is asking the person to not talk about it around you. And that is ABSOLUTELY a reasonable request. They should respect that you are in recovery from an eating disorder, and thus their diet talk is extremely harmful to your recovery. This doesn't mean they can't diet, just that they shouldn't discuss points and good/bad food with you. Best of luck!

    2. Why do you cook for him if thats triggering for you?? You dont have to do it! He should prepare his food by himself. Did you tell him it bothers you?

    3. I know the feeling, for me a friend began to tell her weight loss success and how she is counting calories... she was kinda the first to know that I had an ED...

    4. Yes it's really hard not to be upset by other people going on about weight loss and how little they're eating and stuff.. even though I know that it doesn't apply to me it still makes me feel bad

  4. I don't think my thoughts are particularly bad anymore but I do find myself planning ahead and thinking about what I will have for snacks and meals several hours in advance... like is that normal????? I'm not sure anymore like other people who have never had EDs seem to think about stuff like that too and I find it hard to remember now how much I used to think about that before I ever went disordered....

    1. I think when you've had a last with an eating disorder there will be more thoughts/focus on food compared to others. But planning meals in advance doesn't mean you have disordered thoughts... not according to me. For example some days I can sit in school and begin thinking about what i should make for dinner..... it's about the balance and that food doesn't control your thoughts i.e that food isn't the only thing on your mind and hold you back. I.e she you're sick it can be hard to concentrate or study or work because your thoughts are just on food and calories etc (not for everyone but for many )i.e if you can't live life because food controls you or food is an obsession then it's disorder3d thoughts and can make it hard to feel free, happy and healthy . If this makes sense :)

  5. I think some planning is necessary, I mean you may not always be in the position to just cook what you fancy at the time or when you are hungry, there are the practicalities to think of like buying food and preparing it! I always have arough idea of the weeks meals when I go shopping and then buy all the staples needed. It helps to have a list of what you need, works out cheaper too than impulse buying.

    1. Of course haha. Meal prepping or weekly planning of food intake or just random cravings or thinking about food doesn't mean a person has disordered thoughts. Those are just normal just like when you look at recipes or save recipes for inspiration. It's when food becomes something that controls you and a person can't stop thinking about food or always planning food and can't eat a meal spontaneously or food is always on their mind.. that's when it becomes unhealthy. I mean even if a person works with food, food shouldn't and isn't always on their mind.... there are other things as well. If this makes sense. Everyone thinks about food to different degrees, but it shouldn't be the only thing on your mind!

  6. Hi Izzy - how did your recent test go? Did you get to meet with your friends at the weekend? Hope your week is going well!