Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Thursday, April 27, 2017

Creative cooking and struggling with a chronic illness - my thoughts/update

One)
I had set a challenge for myself to try to be more creative with my food, to make some different each week such as make a pie or lasagna or chilli or something different from my roasted veggies or lentil soup which is my standard food at the moment. So far that challenge hasnt gone so well, ive just eaten the same food over and over... though this week and last week hasnt been the best week to be creative and spend time in the kitchen because ive spent my days studying 6-8 hours and in school so the last thing i want to do then is start cooking - even if i love it. However my room mates inspire me so much because they are both vegan but they cook a whole range of different food and inspires me to do the same thing. They make burritos, sushi, wok, marinated TVP, marinated aubergine in the oven, pizza etc etc Of course its more fun to make food when two people are eating as well as easier to have a wider range of ingredients and foods when two people are paying for it, but still.... once a week i should manage to make some new type of food whether its quesadillas, coconut veggie soup, falafels or sweet potatoe burgers etc its not so hard  and maybe i can inspire you as well!


Second)
Recently ive been struggling to take my CF health care routine seriously... i just havent priortized it. Ive gone back to that 12 year old me who wants to just say "im normal, i dont want to do this, i dont have CF." Of course the consequences of this showed when i was at the hospital yesterday... not to mention that i can notice it myself with my breathing. But its like i feel tired.... i dont want to do it anymore and thinking that i need to do that routine 1-2 times daily for the rest of my life just makes me want to go "no... i dont want to anymore." I'm sure everyone with a chronic illness feels this way at times, ive sure had my periods feeling this way, because IT IS tiring to have an illness. Whether you need to do rehab, take injections, do inhalers, take a whole bunch of medication daily and all other recovery routines, it can feel hard and annoying at times.
So when i was at the hospital i mentioned this... i just said that i was finding it difficult to priortize my CF routine, i was finding it difficult to take my medication and that of course showed when the tests were done. And instead of guilt shaming me - telling me that i need to do it, i need to think about my health, it will have consequences or putting me on antibiotics directly - the doctor just started mentioning different ways that might help me solve this problem, ways that would make it easier for me and not make it so time craving or energy craving. And it was kind of nice to just say it out loud.... of course there is a therapist i can also go to as many people with CF can have times they struggle with their mental health due to their illness or the hinders in life because of their illness, and sure maybe it would be good to talk to someone and just get all my thoughts out. But for now i havent booked a time, maybe in the future.

But i just wanted to write and say it was nice to not feel ashamed or embarrassed or guilt shamed by the doctor, because tha is what previous doctors have done to me. Its not easy to have a chronic illness there are times you want to scream "I dont want this anymore, i dont want to take my medication anymore" and just hope the illness goes away, but it doesnt work like that. I KNOW i need to do my CF routine and take my medication, i feel it almost instantly if i dont and THAT makes life difficult.... its not CF that makes my life so difficult, its when i stop with my medication and inhalers that life gets difficult, so then i only have myself to blame in a way. Anyway... now im just trying to motivate myself and get myself to take my CF seriously and not just pretend im normal and like everyone else when im not - and im not the only one with an illness that requires medication or different daily routines.

I dont normally buy materialistic things to motivate myself but recently i did. I bought a stamped spoon and a stamped fork which ive wanted for a while but never thought it was necessary to buy... but now i felt like, i need to buy myself a little gift just because ive had it tough and ive told myself i can only open the package (when it arrives) if ive gotten back into my routines hahah... it will take 1-2 weeks for the package to arrive, so i have 2 weeks to get my act together. But also noticing that breathing gets easier and that i dont feel like im struggling for air each time i walk up a flight of stairs or when i lie on my side - that is definitely motivation to take care of my health!


Also... i know this post is super long already - i apologize!
But i was recently asked at the gym what my tattoo on my leg said - which is strange, most people dont ask, they just stare. Though a few times ive had people ask me what my ribcage tattoo says in the changing room (weird!!) or people who said they've admired my dream catcher tattoo. But when the people asked what my tattoo said i just told her "no one is coming to save you" which is what is written, her look was a little skeptical hahah. But at that moment i realised that my tattoo has another meaning than just the original one... The original meaning was about my depression and anxiety - that no one is coming to save me, that i need to change my thoughts, i need to want to get better for myself and that it is ME who needs to make the changes. Many think the tattoo is something negative, like im some type of princess longing for her prince to come save her (hahah), but it just means that i need to save myself even if there ARE people who can support and help me. But in that moment i realised it also stands for my CF. That there is no cure (maybe in the future), but i need to take care of my CF health, i need to take my medication and i need to follow my CF health care routine because no one else can do it for me. No one can "save me" from my CF, it is something i live with and something i need to deal with, even if there are amazing doctors and nurses and physiotherapists and even reserachers/scientists trying to find a cure, not to mention all the amazing people foundraising for CF reserach and health care, so there are always people out there trying to help but in the end its me who has to save myself and take care of my health and CF!!


4 comments:

  1. Hi Izzy - about your creative cooking challenge, I set aside one day of the week (usually a sunday as that works well for me) whereby I make something different to eat. Only been doing it for a few weeks but its great to produce a new and interesting dish, plus its fun exploring new foods/tastes! Try thinking of a day/time where you have the most "free time", maybe this will work for you also. Last sunday I made lentil and mushroom bolognaise from scratch - tried a new pea pasta, it was lovely :)

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  2. It is hard keeping up a medication routine. How many times have I neglected my inhalers or tablets and gone to bed or gone out thinking" I really can`t be bothered? Skipping just this once won`t make any difference" But of course it does and it comes back to bite me. Thing is, the most important thing for you to concentrate on is that doing your/taking your medication will make you feel better and keep you well so then you don`t have to pay so much attention to your illness like you would have to if you were to get ill because of it (extra tablets, medication maybe even hospital and extra doctor appointments). I know it sucks and it gets me down at times too :( Your idea about the package to motivate you sounds good, we all need encouragement sometimes and know that if you continue with your medication routine you leave yourself with more opportunity to enjoy other things in life because you won`t feel ill xxxxx

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  3. I'm living with Hashimotos disease and it might not seem so dangerous or even as burdening as CF but it's still something I feel everyday. Along with the depression, bloating, feeling terribly cold and the unexplainable weight gain, it kind of messes my day up. I should be grateful because some people have it worse. Sometimes it's hard to remember that when you feel like your own body is attacking you but I'm blessed, and I need to remind myself that. :) I suggest you make the medications a vital routine accompanied by a habit you do at a special time. For example, I take my hypothyroidism meds in the morning as I drink my two cups of water. Is it okay for you to do the same? Just incorporate this routine in your brain and you'll do it unconsciously. I know CF medication is more complicated. Stay strong and remember that the illness is there for a reason. :)

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  4. Yes, I think making it part of a routine will be helpful too. I take my medication last thing at night whilst I`m making my bedtime drink so now it has just become a habit, you just get used to doing it at a certain time.

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