Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Saturday, March 18, 2017

Sudden bouts of sadness, lonliness and anxiety

In my current life situation i feel very happy and content. Happy with my life and my life situation and cant complain about much at all, i am content and life is going great.

But sometimes... out of the blue i get these days or evenings where i just feel sad. Feelings of sadness, lonliness and anxiety. When you feel "at home" but not really... where i feel like i just want to go "home" but i dont know where that is. When i feel lonely and like there is no one i can talk to (even though of course i know there are many i could talk to.) but mostly i dont know what to say.... how do you tell someone that you are happy with life and love life and dont feel lonely at all... but right at this moment i feel so extremely lonely and sad and anxious.

Its a horrible feeling to feel this way.... and it feels like i am just waiting for this evening to be over. (It doesnt help that my room mates are having a party and having a bunch of people over and i just want to hide away and go to sleep at 8pm so this day can be over. hahah) Right now i just want the day to be over... i want to go to sleep and wait for Sunday as i know i will feel better tomorrow, hopefully.

So how do i cope with these feelings? The sadness when i begin to think too much about the past and begin to question my choices in life and begin to miss past memories. When the lonliness takes over and you feel like there is no one you feel close to, no one you can talk to... but in reality there are many i could turn to if i wanted to. Or when the anxiety takes over and you just feel paralyzed to do anything... just writing this post took me hours to muster the energy to do, nonetheless do anything actually productive today. The anxiety just hinders me from doing anything apart from sit and think and stare out the window.

How do i cope? Well i write... i write in my journal or i blog. I listen to music and podcasts. I allow myself to just sit and think and breathe and feel the anxiety, sadness and lonliness. If i try to repress it, eventually it will just build up and get worse. Instead just allow myself to feel this way this evening - the feelings will pass, they wont last forever. Trying to go to sleep early... i am really hoping that the party wont last long or that they will all go out clubbing early so that i can atleast fall asleep before midnights. I also wanted to go for an evening gym session but all the gyms close at 6pm on Saturday so i wont be doing that... but otherwise going to the gym - just leaving the house and going to a "safe and comforting place" can do alot for how i feel, as well as exercise = endorphins and i always feel 100 times better afterwards. Even if i just go to the gym and stretch and listen to some music, it helps to change scenery! Also having a mini spa session helps at times - i cant do that this evening as people will start arriving in 30-40 minutes so i dont have time to do a full spa session but often that can be a way to just change thoughts and distract myself and feel a little better even if its just for a while.

But most of all... writing helps. To express myself through words and remind myself that these feelings will pass. Its ok to feel this way sometimes... its part of growing up and being an adult and moving away from home. Sometimes you feel lonely - i mean i havent even lived in this city for a year, not to mention that i have moved 3 times (and lived in 4 different places) in just the past 6-7 months, its not so strange if at times i feel like i dont really have "a home". (That sounds a little negative, i LOVE where i live now and i have no complaints. But anxiety can often lead me to feel lonely and unsettled especially when there is choas and things up in the air in other parts of my life. So it has nothing to do with my living situation, as i feel very settled and happy with how i live, haha.)

Anyway, this is a long ramble post and most of all i just want to go to sleep now and sleep for 12+ hours and wake up tomorrow feeling better. haha.

I hope you all have a lovely Saturday.

4 comments:

  1. I know that feeling, and it sucks, especially as I'm feeling happier nowadays, these times when I just feel like nothing is wrong, and I can feel that I can't be at home even at my own house, it seems sometimes as everything would just return to how it used to be, wchich I have already come through, but it was though... Anyways, have a nice and long sleep, and hopefully you'll feel better tomorrow:)

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  2. thank you so much for this, Izzy, x

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  3. Have you tried writing down how you are feeling then alongside it writing out what is actually realistic ? ie - the feeling of there not being any one you could turn to and talk too, when in reality you know that is? By doing this maybe it would help you to balance out your thoughts and to remind you that there are so many good things in your life at moment? I did things like this when I was going through my depression and writing exercises listing what I thought and then what was really the truth of a matter certainly helped me.
    Also hormones can play a part in how you are feeling - getting near "that time of the month" was often a rocky patch for me.
    I hope you managed to have a good nights sleep and that you are having a better day today. Take care, and above all - be kind to yourself :)

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  4. I just wanted to say that I think you are being incredibly brave handling your feelings of sadness and anxiety the way that you do. It shows incredible strength and presence of mind even though you are feeling at your worst. When I was going through my bouts of anxiety the last thing I wanted, or indeed felt, was that I should "feel" my emotions and just go with them, let them pass. I wanted rid of them, didn't want to feel what I was feeling and clung to medication to help me. It was a truly awful time and I never want to go back there again, and wouldn't want anyone else to go through it either.
    I think you are handling it so well, you truly are amazing. Me, I didn't have a clue how to handle it but looking back at those times I really wish I had as I`m sure in doing so it wouldn't have imapacted on me so hard.
    I hope you are feeling better now and were able to sleep and have a better Sunday :)

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