Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Saturday, March 4, 2017

Living with a chronic illness

If you haven't followed me for a long time you might not know that I "struggle" with a chronic illness.  I don't write about it so often because the effects of the illness, cystic fibrosis, are just my normal way of life and living.  Struggling to breath at times, coughing & more mucus, stomach pains and digestive problems, monthly hospital visits etc that's just my normal way of life. I don't think about the fact that most other people don't go to the hospital every month,don't take several different inhalers that make them feel like they're coughing up their lungs or feel like fainting. I don't think about the fact that coughing up blood isn't a normal thing or that I have needles and bags filled with medication in my room. For me that's normal and from the outside you wouldn't think I have the illness or that I struggle at times.

I don't even think about that I have a serious chronic illness... it's just who I am. However these past few days my CF has seriously knocked me down. In physical pain, extremely hard to breathe, medication that makes me tired and nauseous and I just want to sleep. But not even sleep is relaxing or helpful because if I lie on my side I can't breathe and if I sit it puts pressure on my lower lungs and small alveoli break from the pressure.

At the moment I'm feeling tired, drained of energy and heavy and slow. Wishing more than ever that I didn't have CF. Wishing that I could breathe properly and didn't suffer from the illness.

But then I remind myself that this is life and I can only make the best of it. I can't change the fact that I have CF and I'm not the only one suffering with the illness or other chronic illnesses. I can just be thankful that I don't spend as much time in hospital that I once did. Life could be so much worse.

I am going to think positive, feel positive and most importantly take care of myself.  Extra rest, cardio, medication. It will get better and it will get easier. Feeling down and low and like my illness has knocked me to the ground mentally and physically.  But it will be OK, thus is my life and my struggle. Thinking positive and making the best of life.

All I can say is that I know mental illnesses aren't a choice but recovery is. Each day you have a choice to recover... whereas I don't have a choice to recover from my CF. I can take all my medication and do everything I should but still struggle and never be free. Just like with diabetes or cancer or any other chronic illness, it can't be wished away and you can't magically recover from it. Recovery from a mental illness isn't easy but you do have the choice....  some people don't have the choice to recover from their illness.

8 comments:

  1. Izzy, I think you are so brave xxx You don`t write much on here about your illness so its hard to know how much it affects you, but I am so sorry you are going through a difficult patch with it and I really hope that you begin to feel better very soon. Make sure you rest properly and really look after yourself.
    I suffer from asthma and I know what you mean about just accepting it as "normal" for you - all my life I have been dependant on inhalers and steroids and getting complications from colds and chest infections because of the asthma is just usual for me - but for other people it is not. I am in no way comparing asthma to your CF though, I just wanted to say that I get you when you say that life with CF is normal for you because you have had to live with it all your life.
    I hope you start feeling better again soon - try to stay positive and really take care of yourself, ok?

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    1. I know how tough asthma can be as well and you cant compare illnesses or say one is worse than the other, because they are all awful in their own way. Just like allergies or acne or any other illness are all awful - but in a way you just accept and adapt them. And the adapted behaviour becomes "Normal" and not something you think about.

      I do hope one day that there will be a cure for asthma or CF and all other illnesses!!!

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  2. I'm so sorry to hear that, Izzy. I can't imagine living a live with a chronic illness, the medications, side effects and all the struggles coming along with it. You're a fighter and an inspiration to me, you've managed to go through really bad phases in life and you came out alive and stronger. I hope you'll get better soon and I'm sending best wishes and lots of laughter and joy to you!

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  3. Sweet sweet Izzy, I DO feel for you!! Because i know what it's like to suffer with another medical condition besides Anorexia. However CF is a REAL pain in the ass form what I know (i know some other people who have it too). But don't forget that you're not alone, you're a very brave and awesome girl and have so much life purpose!! CF isn't you, you aren't CF even if it might be part of your life. Xxx

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  4. Sending you all the love and hugs from the Southern USA. You're such an inspiration and your mental mindset is that of someone much older than you. Make sure to take care of yourself. I hear baking a vegan brownie or two might help your spirits :)

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  5. Oh Izzy I know how you feel.. we studied all about CF in my biology course and I know all the implications.. but just remember how amazing your body is.. how such a genetic disorder affected you but still, it's not really your body's fault and it's fighting everyday to keep you alive.. and it makes you feel beautiful, happy.. it's so forgiving and kind. I know that you are proud of your body nevertheless.. this is your fight, izzy! Life is so much more exciting while we are warriors.. even if sometimes it doesn't feel like it. Sometimes warriors start off as victims.. but it only makes you stronger. Keep breathing.. keep loving. ❤

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  6. You're so strong izzy. I know you've gotten used to it, but that in itself is a huge sign of strength - you've worked to make life work. So I hope you can feel proud of yourself, and hang on to that through all the pain you're going through ❤

    I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis earlier last year, where they told me it's irreversible and eventually it is likely I'll be crippled. While it's not life-threatening, it's disabling and in flare ups I can barely move my arms and and in agony throughout the day and night. And I couldn't study properly during my exams because my hands seized up and were inflamed... the symptoms are endless. Dry, itchy eyes, greater susceptibility to illness, depression, psoriasis, digestive issues and IBS... but I'm getting used to it and am just grateful for the medical intervention and that I'm still mobile and able to run when I'm in a good state. And that I'm as healthy as I am now, I think it's made me a stronger person and more motivated to get through life rather than surrender to it. And I'm proud of myself for that too! All my love and thank you for your inspiration. It's nice not to be alone ❤

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  7. Hope you are feeling better today and have managed to rest properly. You are so strong and courageous and I wish you further strength and positive thoughts to get you through this difficult patch. I really admire your ability to remain positive even though you are suffering at the moment and I know that that strength will see you through this just as it has for other battles in your life you have fought.
    Know that many love you and are thinking of you, take care xxx

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