If you haven't followed me for a long time you might not know that I "struggle" with a chronic illness. I don't write about it so often because the effects of the illness, cystic fibrosis, are just my normal way of life and living. Struggling to breath at times, coughing & more mucus, stomach pains and digestive problems, monthly hospital visits etc that's just my normal way of life. I don't think about the fact that most other people don't go to the hospital every month,don't take several different inhalers that make them feel like they're coughing up their lungs or feel like fainting. I don't think about the fact that coughing up blood isn't a normal thing or that I have needles and bags filled with medication in my room. For me that's normal and from the outside you wouldn't think I have the illness or that I struggle at times.
I don't even think about that I have a serious chronic illness... it's just who I am. However these past few days my CF has seriously knocked me down. In physical pain, extremely hard to breathe, medication that makes me tired and nauseous and I just want to sleep. But not even sleep is relaxing or helpful because if I lie on my side I can't breathe and if I sit it puts pressure on my lower lungs and small alveoli break from the pressure.
At the moment I'm feeling tired, drained of energy and heavy and slow. Wishing more than ever that I didn't have CF. Wishing that I could breathe properly and didn't suffer from the illness.
But then I remind myself that this is life and I can only make the best of it. I can't change the fact that I have CF and I'm not the only one suffering with the illness or other chronic illnesses. I can just be thankful that I don't spend as much time in hospital that I once did. Life could be so much worse.
I am going to think positive, feel positive and most importantly take care of myself. Extra rest, cardio, medication. It will get better and it will get easier. Feeling down and low and like my illness has knocked me to the ground mentally and physically. But it will be OK, thus is my life and my struggle. Thinking positive and making the best of life.
All I can say is that I know mental illnesses aren't a choice but recovery is. Each day you have a choice to recover... whereas I don't have a choice to recover from my CF. I can take all my medication and do everything I should but still struggle and never be free. Just like with diabetes or cancer or any other chronic illness, it can't be wished away and you can't magically recover from it. Recovery from a mental illness isn't easy but you do have the choice.... some people don't have the choice to recover from their illness.