Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Friday, March 10, 2017

Feeling left out and trying to make friends

Hey Izzy, I was wondering what your thoughts on friends and feeling left out were. Sometimes I feel like there are people that I enjoy and would like to hang out with, but they don't really reciprocate the feeling. Like they will tolerate me and ask me questions about schoolwork, but nothing more. It makes me feel sad, especially when I try to spend time with them or start conversations. Other times, I feel left out, even though I have tried to be friendly and stick with them. It feels as if the only way to hang out with them is to insert myself into their midst, which gets tiring after awhile and I feel like something is wrong with me. Like maybe I am too quiet/nerdy for them? Could you just give me some advice for this, because it can get really tough.


Making friends and being in school can definitely be hard at times. Sometimes you are lucky and making friends goes easy, quick and painfree, other times there are tears and lonliness and wondering if there is something wrong with you because you dont have friends or cant make friends. But making friends isnt as easy as it looks in movies.

For a friendship to build it requires that both people/all people want to make contact and want to open up to a new friendship, and not everyone does. Some people form groups and dont want to let anyone else in. Its natural to form "groups" of friends and ive seen this in all the schools ive gone to (and thats many!), but some groups are more willing to let people into the group than others. 

If you are trying to make conversation, trying to join that group of people for lunch or activities but never feel any sort of interest back to you, or you arent asked to join events or activities then those people arent worth your time. Its hard when you want to join a group or want to be friends with certain people but they dont feel the same way... eventually you just got to let it go. A bit like when you have a crush on someone and you keep trying to get their attention or give hints but you never get anything back, then eventually you just need to move on.

First off remember that there isnt anything wrong with you. You DONT need to change. You will make friends even if it takes longer time. I can say from experience that i have struggled with making friends alot in my life because i am an introvert and am not the first person to speak up or take contact, so when i first started gymnasium (upper high school) in Sweden i felt so lonely in school that i considered dropping out and doing online school instead. But i kept going and eventually made friends. And it was only last autumn when i moved to Gothenburg and began university again that i started day 1 with socializing and talking to people and being open... and there was still a bit of "group changing" the next few weeks/months until i found my group of friends who i fit best with and the ones who also want to be my friend. Because there are acquantencies, friends and then even closer friends/best friends. 

My best advice is to maybe try to start some type of group activity or hobby either a part of school or outside of school? You may not have friends inside of school if that is the case, but you can still have friends outside and do things with them. Its important to still be open and friendly to those in your class but if they arent willing to let you in or be friends then all you can do is to be friendly and not try to force a friendship on them. 

Friendships take time to build and sometimes they happen without you even realising, for example it might be that friend of a friend you randomly begin spending time with or you just begin eating lunch with random people or from people in another class etc etc Friendships can just happen without you having to make a huge effort and THATS how it should be in all honesty. Friendships shouldnt be a one way thing, then its draining of energy and you begin to question yourself and if there is something wrong with you or if they dont like you etc

I could write a huge long post about this as i have had alot of experience with trying to make friends, different groups, different schools etc

But important - be yourself, be you, be happy, be friendly, join groups and hobbies, suggest doing activities and meeting people but if they never give anything back then its time to move on. You will make friends even if it takes time!!

Remember that friendships SHOULDNT be tiring. Even if you are introvert and need alot of alone time or dont always join social events, you shouldnt feel drained of energy after being with friends. Then its the wrong type of people.
I personally need alot of alone time and like being alone, but i also feel that my friends give me energy. I smile and laugh and enjoy being with them and dont sit and long to go home, and i love spending time with them or doing different things together, and thats how it should be. If you need to change who you are or what you like or you just feel exhausted after meeting those people then question whether they are "toxic" people in your life... and the same goes for a relationship - it should not drain you of energy mentally.
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3 comments:

  1. Hello, and thanks for this post, as I can relate to this problem. Can I ask your opinion in something: there is a girl in school whit whom I became friend two and a half year ago, and we really got along back than, but nowadays I feel I don't enjoy her company, we can't talk about anything, I always wish for the time to pass more quickly. And I'm even a bit disgusted of her as she is very untidy, which makes me feel really bad, as she is kind with me... Is it okay if I wouldn't like to be in her company anymore?

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  2. Freindships as well as people change over time so maybe you have just outgrown each other. Just because you were friends once doesn't neccesarily mean you will be friends forever, like I said, people grow and change. I wouldn't feel guilty for not wanting to spend so much time in aher comapnay, rather you distance yourself a little rather than to pretend nothing is amiss and continue to be friends with her out of guilt. Don`t ignore her completely, remain friendly and chatty when you see her just don`t spend so much time with her. You will move on to make other friends and so hopefully will she.

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