Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Dont take your negativity out on others

Over the years of blogging i dont know how much hate i have received - alot to say the least. Many comments deleted, many hateful emails sent to me and different hurtful comments sent my way. However i am also very lucky because compared to others i have received very little hate and the negativity has been outweighed by all the positivity and supportive followers i have. So the few hateful messages are just needles in a haystack of positivity.

However one of the things i have also noticed over the years is that many who sent me hate end up emailing me back months or years later to apologize for the messages they sent me. To apologize for their hate towards me and have said that their hate and hurtful messages stemmed from their own feelings or jealousy. Their anger and their eating disorder - not believing that a person can actually recover from an eating disorder, not believing that someone can love their body or workout to be healthy - not just to change your appearance or to lose weight. Not believing that you can eat without compensation or realising that my life is more than just food even if that is what i do post about on here. Over the years i dont know how many times ive been accused of still being sick or lying about being recovered, despite people only reading/seeing what i post online. But many of those who accused me of being sick have later sent me messages apologizing and saying that they just didnt believe true recovery was possible or that a person could be happy or healthy again - until they achieved that goal themselves.

It makes me happy when people do email me back and are able to say sorry even if i have moved on from their messages and their comments. It makes me happy that the person can atleast look back and realise that what they said was wrong, but most of all makes me happy that the people have been able to recover and to hopefully feel healthy and recovered and happy and realise that i am not lying about that full recovery is possible if you work towards it. 

I do realise that an eating disorder can turn people into someone they arent. While i was sick i would say awful things and think awful thoughts about people when i had alot of anxiety. I was bitter, angry, jealous.... i didnt understand how people could be happy, healthy and carefree. It made me jealous, even if i never said anything and never wrote any messages or such there were definitely times i felt bitterness and anger towards people who seemed so happy. So i understand that that can be the case for some of my followers... maybe you see my blog or read my posts and feel anger and jealousy - How can she be happy? How can she be recovered? How can she eat like that? How and why can she workout and i cant? etc etc But just remember that those thoughts are your eating disorder and sending negativity or hate is never the answer. Instead realise that recovery is possible for  YOU as well. .Health and happiness is possible for YOU if you work towards it. You can be free and healthy and that goes for depression as well.

But also remember that no one ever forces you to follow my blog or anyone elses. It is YOUR choosing so if you do feel irritated or triggered or jealous or angry towards me, or anyone else you follow, then unfollow. Never ever send hate to anyone. Never send an angry or rude or nasty message to someone, it will never do any good. And if you do think someone is sick or unhealthy, it doesnt help to send them a message accusing them of being sick - it is family and friends and people close to the person who has to step in. Not random people online - so even if you think you are helping by accusing someone of eating too little, lying or still being sick it infact wont do any good at all.

This is just some thoughts i wanted to share. I understand that the hate i get isnt personal and most likely stems from some emotion within the person sending the message. And i am good at brushing off hate and negativity. But it still baffles me at times that people can sit down and spend time and energy to write hateful and hurtful messages to someone they dont even know.... that energy could instead be spent on figuring out why you are hateful and bitter and what you can do about it. Or maybe just writing out your thoughts and feelings on a piece of paper and not sending anonymous hate to people online. But like mentioned above.... many have eventually apologized to me which is kind of nice in a way, hahah. I dont think many people recieve apologies after receiving anonymous negativity... but like mentioned, i think its because the hate comes from the eating disorder and not from the actual person, but instead strong emotions and feelings and its easier to put that hate on someone else than to deal with the actual emotions behind the feelings.

And to end this post. I just want to say thank you for all my kind and supportive followers/friends. You mean so much to me and i am just happy i can help and that 98% of all the messages i recieve are positive and put a huge smile on my face when reading them!!! So keep spreading and sharing positivity and remember - unfollow people who you dislike or trigger you and never send anonymous hate. Instead write it on a piece of paper and tear that piece of paper up and then move on with your life! Instead, send anonymous compliments and positivity that will help the world and yourself and others in a much better way!

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2 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear this, especially considering all the time you spend working to uplift others through your blog. I think the anynonymity of the Internet can be dangerous, in that it opens a space for people to say things that they never would say in person. You're so right about it being Ed talking though! I am much more of an internalizer than an externalizer of negativity, so I can't relate exactly, but my Ed made me think such negative comments toward myself all the time. I still do a fair amount, but I also have days where I'm kind to and appreciate myself. Just to end with a bit of positivity, your blog has been so helpful to my recovery! I have followed multiple recovery blogs on and off but yours is the one I've stuck with since the beginning. Anorexia can be so isolating and such a burden to try to explain to others, that it is very nice to have a little online community of sorts that gets what I'm going through. So thanks for providing that, and enjoy your day!

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  2. its hard to think of you getting hate mail or hurtful comments when all you are doing is trying to help people to a better way of life. I think you are right when you say it is the ED talking rather than perhaps the real person because I know from experience that my emotions and thoughts are a lot different now than a year ago - sometimes I think back to past decisions I made I can hardly believe I made them as they were so wrong! But at the time I didn't think that.
    Its good that some post their apologies to you, at least that will make you feel a bit better :) But it can`t be nice being on the receiving end of hurtful comments even if you try not to let them bother you. I hope in the future you don`t get any more. You are doing a wonderful job on here and that should be congratulated, not criticised!

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