Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Apologizing for how you look

I am the quiet one who does alot of analyzing and i love analyzing people and their behaviour. I could definitely be someone who just sits and analyzes people and then writes texts about it as i find it fascinating to hear how people think, behave and talk. I am not much for reality tv programs however some programs i do like watching and that is just because i like analyzing how the people behave and how they act in different scenarios... it is all very fascinating for me.

One of the recent things i have been analyzing in youtube videos is how people apologize for how they look. I recently made the post "stop apologizing for who you are" and also "how we talk about food" post... and now its a post about how ive noticed people talk about their bodies and apologize for their bodies.

Such as when people do "Physique updates" on their youtube and they start off by saying "Im sorry i look so bloated im on my period" or "i ate alot yesterday" or "i drank alot of water and ate alot of carbs yesterday so i am very bloated" or "its bad angles and lighting - i look so pale". And so many other ways that the people almost apologize for how they look... like they need to justify why they might be bloated or why they are retaining water... or just plain simple why they look the way they do. Its most likely an unconscious thing and both males and females do this.

I know i can do the same thing when it comes to clothes such as "oh im sorry this has a stain on it, the rest of my clothes were in the washing basket" or "i was in a rush this morning so wearing the same jeans in 2 days in a row" or even "i did the laundry yesterday so im not wearing an old top, i cleaned it yesterday".... maybe not the same thing, but its still trying to clarify or defend what im wearing... as if you cant wear the same top or jeans 2 days in a row.

Its fascinating to hear how people talk about themselves when you just sit and listen to them. Often people say things unconsciously and they might not even be aware how they talk about themselves. I know that i personally talk very negatively about myself, for example i always say "im so bad at this, so bad at that. Not good enough at this,etc etc" never do i say "I am actually really good at X or Y." I think this has alot to do with my self condience and low self esteem, i dont believe that i am good enough or good at anything so unconsciously thats how i talk about myself as well - like i am not good or good enough. However as i am aware of this behaviour i am learning to change it... for example being ok with saying "I am good at studying, i am good at school and i do get good grades" instead of just saying "im so bad at studying, i dont study, dont get good grades" when that infact isnt the truth.

Sometimes all you have to do is listen to others or listen to the way you speak about yourself and do some self reflection. Maybe you notice how family or friends talk about themselves in a negative way... or how others apologize for who they are how they look? Point it out to them if they do. 

Its happened at times when im talking to my sister and she can begin saying "Im so bad at this, so bad at that, not good enough etc" and then i call her out on it and remind her that she is good at X,Y,Z and that she shouldnt let those negative thoughts or mindset take over. I highly recommend some self analysis and even analyzing others - though thats just because i love to do just that and i find it fascinating!!

What are your thoughts about this? Do you ever notice that people apologize for how they look or always come with reasons as to why they look the way they do and apologizing for it?

Picture from Christmas.
I could apologize for my hair in the picture... but im not going to do that (thats why i choose this picture) - because thats how i looked in the morning on Christmas even while trying to choose what outfit to wear. No shame in crazy hair ;)

5 comments:

  1. I have noticed that the people around me don`t so much apologise for the way they look but rather for having an opinion. Its a case of "I`m sorry but ....." followed by their view about something. I think it is strange that they feel they have to apologise for having their own thoughts about something, that their opinion doesn't matter and they perhaps assume that the other person might think they are wrong.
    What annoys me the most is when people apologise for something and you know very well that they are just saying it - like when someone with perfect hair apologises for having a "bad hair day" when surely they themselves can see what they are saying is far from the truth?
    I think you are quite right when you say its a confidence issue. Whether people really haven't got the confidence to stand by their opinions or whether they are just saying something negative about themselves because that is expected of them, I don`t know. Society kind of conditions us not to be openly proud of ourselves, so maybe that's it. But I think we should be able to say something if we feel it, or admit we look good if that's the case. But I don`t see that happening any time soon!
    Human behaviour is absolutely fascinating - you are so right there. I love reading about things like this too.

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    1. Oh yes ive noticed that with the opinion thing as well.
      With the bad hair day or bad clothes day or whatever i think its just that people compare to their "standard" or what media says is "Perfect" so for example when their hair is a little messy they might think it looks awful while someone else wonders how they can rock a bed hed so flawlessly. But i dont think people should apologize for it... i know ive had times ive apologized because ive used dry shampoo as i didnt have time to wash my hair when infact that was most likely highly unnecessary to do.

      And that is a very good comment with the "saying something negative about themselves because that is expected of them". I definitely feel like sometimes people say negative things about themselves because they believe they have to. Such as when it comes to studying or grades or work like "oh im not so smart" when in fact the person studied alot and is very smart but society tells us to not boast or be proud and instead hide and belittle those things.

      Alot of interesting thoughts and hopefully more people will eventually become more aware about the way they speak about themselves.

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  2. I highly agree with you on this matter! People apologize allll the time for how they look. And to me that comes across as if they are in fact apologizing for themselves. As in 'i'm sorry for my existance' almost. Do you get me? I mean, we shouldn't ever apologize for being who we are. No matter what shape, form, outfit, time of the day it is! You don't have to feel, look and come across as a beautiful and perfect being all the time. Not even any of time tbh. It would be nice if we, as a society, would be more able to let go of all this appearance stuff. It really doesn't matter as much as people think it does. Well, of course there are some very basic things such as personal hygiëne ;) But to me that is more of a matter of taking care of yourself. That should be number 1 priority in every aspect. NOT what others then might think or say of/to you!

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    1. Oh exactly. Sometimes its like people unconsciously apologize for even existing - i know i have done that alot in the past and am trying to not do that anymore. For example apologizing for taking room or being there or being an inconvenience just because i ask someone to wait 2 minutes while i go to the bathroom hahaha.
      I dont think people realise how they talk about themselves ,i believe its an unconscious thing but stems from maybe negatie self image or low self esteem or anything else. But if people realise they do it, it is easier to change. But also i think it does have alot to do with media and the "perfect" body which people try to attain. And too much focus on body image so people might believe that if they dont look like the stereotypical "beautiful person" then they need to apologize for it and apologize for bloating, having cellulite or stretch marks when those things are infact very normal.

      But its up to each person to change the way they think and talk about themselves!

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  3. There was an article in the news a while back and also appeared on TV. A young woman admitted to the media that she was "good looking", I can`t remember in what contxt the story came about but it caused so much uproar that she appeared on daytime TV about it. She received hate mail and abuse from people all because she openly admitted she was pretty and good looking!
    I remember thinking at the time this was avery sad thing to happen. It seems like you are not allowed to have self confidence these days and be proud of who you are :(

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