Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Recovery is not just about getting to and maintaining an "ideal" weight - eating disorder recovery

#recovery:

Please remember this. Yes weight gain may or may not be part of YOUR recovery, but it is not the only thing in recovery. Being free and healthy is about a mindset change, changing behaviours and your lifestyle. Its not just about reaching a certain weight and maintaining it. Its not just about eating your meals or eating when you are with others, but its about FEELING free. You are not recovering for anyone else, you are recovering for yourself, for your own life. You are choosing recovery and making changes so that YOU can live the life you want, so that you can feel happy and free.

You can not fake recovery - sure you can eat when you are with others, but starve when you are on your own. You can smile and be happy when you are with others, but cry when you are in your room on your own. You can workout and say you love it but know deep down that its an obsession. You can have behaviours you do that hold you back from life but think it doesnt matter.

You are not recovering for anyone else and your main recovery goal isnt just to have a healthy weight, that is a minimal part of recovery. And freedom from an eating disorder isnt a short term thing, it takes years to be fully free. I may have been declared healthy and have a healthy weight in 2012, but i didnt feel fully free until 2014. And even now 3 years later, i look back on each year and realise how i grow and change and progress in different ways even if i am free from my eating disorder i still continue to grow and self analyze my previous behaviours and habits so that i can become a better person.

Your goal is to change, to progress, self analyze your behaviours and know what holds you back. Dont fake recovery, dont put on a smile and pretend to be healthy because the only one you are fooling is yourself. Because this is YOUR life and you need to make the best of it. You need to be healthy, mentally and physically so that you can have a great life.

Let go of numbers, dont focus too much on the scale, focus more on mindset changes and changing behaviours. Of course having a healthy weight IS PART OF recovery, but you are not automatically recovered just because you reach a healthy weight. .Its all about YOU choosing to make a change and doing what is best for you and your health.

Also please remember, that you can not choose or know what your healthy weight will be. It will settle at a weight, and it may be higher than you had thought, but in the end.... who cares. Weight goes up and down a few kilo and thats how the body works. Less focus on numbers and more focus on being happy and healthy!

5 comments:

  1. Hey Izzy, I've got a problem and wanted to ask if you could give me some advice:) First of all I'm diagnosed with cronic anorexia nervosa and depression and
    previously, I was an inpatient in a hospital for 3 months. There, I had to gain 100g a day and if I didn't reach this 100g goal I got tube-fed. Now I am back home again for almost two weeks. Actually I would have had to stay for at least two more months, but I couldn't bear the hospital any longer, so I decided to leave. Actually that was illegal, because my bmi and age is too low, but I cheated a bit at my bmi and almost forced the doctors to let me go - I know that it sounds stupid and childish, but I felt like hospital made everything even worse. Well, now I am at home, but I just don't know how to manage my health, my life, school, my friends, actually I can't manage anything...I still have to get weighed once a week and gain 500g a week, but it doesn't work that good. I don't get proper therapy or help, I go once a week to a psychologist, but she doesn't help me at all and I don't really like her. And my family doesn't help me either. They say that either I have to do it all on my own or I must go into the hospital again. I told them that I would like to go to another psychologist, but they are against that as well. I just don't know what I should do anymore, I certainly don't want to be an inpatient again...Do you have any advice?
    Thanks in advance;)

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  2. Hey Izzy, I just recently came across your blog, and this post really hit home for me! I've been in recovery for a relapse with AN since last August, and just kind of chugging along slowly with weight gain but still trying to control exactly how my recovery happens (how much I gain in what amount of time, etc). I certainly was making progress in terms of weight restoration, conquering fear foods, eating in front of people, and other things, but I wasn't really "free" as you said. Just this weekend I have decided to push myself to really let go and not try to dictate how my body recovers, but rather let it do its own thing. It is wonderful and freeing and terrifying all at the same time! Your post really reasonated with me, thanks for writing it!

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  3. Thanks for such a great post. Reading your second paragraph I realised that all those things you wrote about - I did. It made me realise that I have to change my behaviours and not try to control recovery. I thought it was all about getting back to a normal weight, but its not just that is it? I still have so far to go until I can be free like you and it helps me to read that this takes time.
    Thank you once again

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  4. Hi Izzy
    I was wondering if you had any advice about binge eating? I seem to go back and forth between phases of restriction and then why I try to recover I end up uncontrollably eating chocolate and fantasising about it in the day. This even happens when I reach a normal weight - so it's not just extreme hunger or reactive eating. Do you have any tips? Does anyone else experience this? Thanks xxx

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  5. Yes, I experienced this (though in a mildly way) as well. I still felt very hungry way into my recovery and when I was weight restored and ate healthy and normal amounts regular. With me out was like my mind needed a very long time to "trust" in a regular intake of food again, including sweets! Being in supression and restricting mode for such a long time, it was almost as my mind was "suspicious" that tomorrow the starving period could happen again. So for as long as I allowed myself to eat without guilt, it wanted as much food as "possible". It took way into my recovery and being at a healthy weight until these thoughts eventually stopped. Don't restrict again, keep eating normal meals on a regular base and include chocolate, comes or whatever sweets you're craving. This helped me a lot to normalize my eating habits. It can take a while, but don't give up!

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