Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Monday, February 6, 2017

Panic over gaining weight

Oh izzy ive recently put on over a kg and i dont know why. Ive started exercising & given up caffeine but my diet ive pretty much stayed the same. Yet im now heavier & my jeans no longer fit. I dont understand why. Could it be muscle or fact im rehydrating im so upset and scared.

I thought i would answer you in a post (i hope you dont mind) because i know that you are not alone with these types of thoughts and panic over seeing a difference in the number on the scale.

The first thing you need to remember is that a difference on the scale really doesnt mean so much. The scale just gives you a number, your gravitational pull to the ground. But also 1kg is the same as drinking 1L water (roughly), or if you have eaten more sodium or are bloated or its "that time of the month" then your body is more likely to retain water and cause an increase on the scale. I mean when i am bloated i can weigh 3kg more than my usual weight and if i havent eaten so much for a day or two and i weigh myself then i can weight 2kg less than my normal weight. And if i weigh myself in the morning and then in the evening there is a 1-2kg difference just from the food and water in my body. So the number on the scale really doesnt mean so much.

But also 1kg makes NO DIFFERENCE in your body. It doesnt trust me... Of course if it is from water retention and bloat then you can feel more bloated, but that will pass in 1-2 days. But 1kilo of actual weight gain is not visible.

1kg difference would not cause your pants to not fit.

From what you wrote i think that 1kg is water weight but also when you exercise that is an inner stress and you can retain water. For example the days i dont workout are the days i am "slimmer" and dont feel as bloated, but the days i workout it is an inner stress and i gues my body retains water in a way but also workout days are the days i eat more as well so that causes bloating as well.

I think that the first step is to stop weighing yourself... dont let that number define you and you should not panic over a difference in the number on the  scale. Your weight should not have the power to make or break your day or cause you to panic... because think logically, what is a few kilo difference really going to do? Does it make you a bad person? Does it make you unsmart or unpretty or less capable of doing stuff? No... it doesnt. All it means is that its a different number on the scale for some reason or numerous reasons. That number really doesnt have so much meaning, just like you most likely dont panic if you are 2mm taller one day or 1mm shorter another.

If the number on the scale makes you feel so upset, then dont weigh yourself... i know its not that easy. But throw away you scale, get rid of it... because why feel that anxiety over your weight if you dont want to?Its you who is making yourself stand on the scale and if you know how you will feel then is it really worth it?

But also if you are strength training know that you might gain weight, for me personally i gained about 4-6kg from strength training and at first i wondered, why am i gaining weight if i am exercising... but it was muscle and water retention.

Try to think rationally and ask yourself why 1kg makes such a difference or why it would be a bad thing? And ask yourself.... are you exercising to lose weight and burn calories or are you exercising because you enjoy it? If you are exercising just to burn calories and lose weight - and you have had/have an eating disorder, then i think you should rethink your reasoning behind exercising.

I think you should also ask yourself... why it makes you sad and upset? Be honest about it and see what you can change, because you need to change your mindset and realise that weight gain isnt a bad thing but also... the number on the scale is NEVER the same. Even if you do the same thing everyday, eat the same, drink the same, do the same... your weight can still go up and down from hormones, stress, water retention as well, and so you cant let the number on the scale control you, because you are more than a number. And that number really doesnt say so much.

I can say that the kilos i have gained over the past year from strength training have made me healthier, happier, more confident in my body and myself. They have made me stronger, more energetic, more functional in life and ive seen alot of progress in my workouts and more capable of doing things like carrying shopping bags, standing and walking for hours, moving furniture, carrying heavy things etc etc so that extra kilos have made a positive difference to me. But in the end i dont really care whether i weigh 60kg or 70kg, or anywhere in between, what matters to me is that i can live the life i want to live and the number on the scale doesnt matter. And thats how you should try to see it as well, that the number on the scale really doesnt matter... but being able to live life and have energy and eat enough is what matters.


  1. Something like this is happening to me at the moment, and I think it is water retention. What causes water retention and how can you stop/prevent it? I don`t really add salt to my meals that often (and then very little) but I do drink a lot of fluids night and day. Could this be the reason? Should I cut back on what I drink - thing is I`m always thirsty. I drink mainly low calorie squash and the odd cup of decaff tea.

    1. Many things cause water retention - stress, hormones, imbalance in the body, not enough sleep, but also too much water can cause water retention. And remmeber salt IS important. If you are eating alot of home cooked meals with minimal salt that can actually be more harmful, salt is very important in the body. Its only people who eat alot of processed food who shouldnt add salt, but otherwise adding salt to your food can actually help!

    2. Thank you Izzy. I always cook home made meals so may be lack of salt is the problem. I`ll try including it and see if that helps.
      Hope your week is going well with your new flat mates and uni and things?