Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Saturday, February 25, 2017

Having more energy and working out more while eating less ?

Yesterday while listening to a podcast one of the guests on the pod talked some something which i could relate to, or something i have thought about and i think some of you might be able to relate as well.

The guest talked about how in the past she could run for hours each day and ate less than she did in the present, though she now runs and works out a lot less. She talked about how crazy she was in the past to run such long distances, but also wondered about how she even had the energy.... how could she workout so often and for so many hours but still eat so little. Whereas in her current life she eats more and works out less (though she of course mentioned that she is happier, healthier and more balanced now as well as weight stable and eating a healthy amount.)

This is something i have thought about before as well and have recieved questions and emails from people wondering the same thing.  Where did all that energy come from? People feeling like they are a failure because they just cant workout to the same extent they did in the past even though they are eating more.

At times i have wondered.... how could i workout so much in the past, when i would exercise from morning to evening and stand all the time, i never sat down unless i was forced to sit. However sometimes when i was so mentally and physically tired i would lie on the ground because i wasnt worth lying on a bed.... and there i would just lie, wishing more than ever that i could just go a day without exercising, but that never happened.  Where did the energy to exercise come from... because it sure wasnt coming from food? It came from obsession, it came from fear, it came from anxiety, it came from thinking i had to exercise. The energy to workout so many hours didnt come from food anyway, it was a mental energy and a drive and not a healthy one.

Now i could never workout to the same extent that i did in the past because my workouts arent driven due to fear or anxiety. They arent completed because i think i have to. I dont mind skipping workouts, i dont mind doing less exercise if i am more tired, i dont go out running even though im tired or just want to lie down, i dont stand all day long because im scared to sit down. My energy for exercise comes from food (so when the food energy is gone then i get tired and dont want to exercise anymore... until i eat and fuel myself again and have more energy.), but also workouts are affected by life and stress. If i havent slept enough or if i am very stressed then i will adapt the workout to my energy levels - or not workout at all.

What i wanted to say is that you are not a failure for working out less or for eating more. Life changes and you change. But also your workouts shouldnt be completed out of fear or anxiety, but they should be done because you enjoy them and want to workout.

Also a note, maybe you workout 5-6days a week and its done out of fun and enjoyment (yes thats possible), but maybe life changes and you need to cut down to 2-3 times a week instead, and thats ok as well. Exercise can be part of life but not your whole life, and like mentioned already... life changes and sometimes you cant workout as much as you would like to even if you enjoy it.

When i think back to the past i also realise that back then i had little else to do during the days apart from exercise, i wasnt in school or didnt have as much homework/school work when i was in school and i didnt have friends to meet and didnt have much else in my life apart from exercise, so that was all i did as well. Now i have alot more going on in my life so even if i wanted to workout more, that would mean spending less time on something else in my life and that is not something i am willing to do in my life right now.

Anyway, just some morning thoughts i had.... maybe you can relate or have felt the same way?


  1. I'm currently not allowed to exercise and I eat heaps. It's a big challenge, but if I'm completely honest with myself I feel soooooo much better now than when I exercised/restricted.

  2. Yes! I used to swim and run about 3 hours 5-6 times a week, eat a couple of fruits and beans and completely no carbs all day. I was also afraid of sitting down.. now, I only exercise once a week and eat heaps afterwards! Sometimes I'm afraid I'll lose my fitness (which already happened, I'm not able to run so much like before) but I don't mind.. I prefer long walks and light exercise now.. I don't think I'll die just because I don't run for three hours, right? I'm glad I'm healthier now. I'm just so thankful. I can't believe mental illnesses can take us so far.. it's like creating a reality that never actually happened.

  3. Do you have any advice on how to start gently exercicing after months on bed rest ? I am now allowed but feel like I have no energy tgough Im nearly weight restored and it makes me anxious espcially as Im starting working again in a week... Thanks so much

  4. I used to exercise the most in measure of time when I was first sinking into being underweight, but I hated it, every time I knew it was time to do my excercise routine (which was in addition really boring, because I always did the same excercises) I thought I didn't want to do it, but eventually I always did. But I was a walking zombie throughout the day, I was moody, and my legs were hurting all the time. Now I excercise less often, and with varied intensity/ period and it's so much better. And actually I feel like I were doing more now than back then, as at that time I was barely sane, and now I do it because I enjoy working out:)


    You might find this interesting! Basically it says that activity level has been observed to increase with hunger so that there is a higher chance of finding food, just like how you find yourself looking for/snacking on certain types of food obsessively when you're deficient in some sort of nutrient. This can happen even with suppressed metabolism apparently, which sort of make sense since energy needs = basal metabolic rate x physical activity level? Our bodies are so smart. If only everyone knew how to pay better attention to it!

  6. Yes, this happened to me also. I used to have my set route for walking each day and I followed it every day without fail, no matter the weather or how I was feeling. Then I increased it to doing it a second time and then even a third - which was a lot of walking considering each time would take about 1.5 hours.
    Now, I do a lot less and I sometimes think of what I used to do in disbelief - how was I capable of walking so far each day and I really can`t comprehend it anymore. And the reminder that I used to repeat it several times before I was done for the day fills me with shame. What on earth processed me?
    But its not like that now I`m glad to say. I go for a walk now because I enjoy it and I want to, not because I have to. I don`t follow a set route and I don`t make myself go if the weather is bad or if I don`t feel like it. And I`m happy with that!
    Exercise back then was a compulsion and an unhealthy one at that. I am so glad I have come out the otherside and no longer do it. I wonder at my state of mind at the time though - and that makes me cringe. How do we put ourselves through such ordeals yet remain oblivious to what/why we are actually doing it?