Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Saturday, February 11, 2017

Facing fears, being productive and a vegan Semla

Hello and good afternoon everyone :)

The first time i've felt like updating today and its already past 8pm, however this day has just sort of flown by rather quickly!

Saturday morning started with my typical huge cup of coffee and oats, though if im honest my standard breakfast now a days is usually just leftover food usually potatoes and veggies. There is something about cold potatoes which i love, though trying to vary breakfast and eat oats again or make chia pudding, need some more variation throughout my day!

Then as it was such a beautiful morning i decided to walk to the gym instead of take the bus... also had partly to do with yesterday being my last day of my buss card and i needed to update it, and didnt feel like free riding, haha. I walk to school or the gym somedays and ever since moving to Gothenburg i have had to walk over a huge bridge to get to school and if you have been following me for a few years you will had read about my fear of bridges. I dont know why, but i have hated walking over bridges and always walk right in the middle and dont look down. The past 6 months ive only had 3 or 4 panic/anxiety attacks while walking the bridge, though ive left these out of my blog haha. But otherwise i have been fine, ive kept my eyes forward, listened to a podcast and not been so bothered... however if i look down to the water, thats when i can begin to feel paralyzed. Today however, there was a bridge opening - where the bridge opens to let the boats pass through. And the panic set in once i realised that i had to stop and couldnt keep moving forward, when my eyes began to settle on the water below and felt the wind around me. Anxiety and panicked kicked and i was almost in tears standing there, not sure what to do... i just wanted to lay myself flat on the ground and refuse to move... to panicked to take a step forward, but knowing that just standing there wasnt helping the situation either. For the few minutes while i waited for the bridge to close again it was just about trying to keep myself from panicking... keep myself from lying on the ground to try to feel more stable and safe.

It feels silly to write it, but walking over bridges is definitely a fear of mine, however i had mostly conquered it these past few months but today it was tough and once i was safely on normal gorund again it took a while for my heart rate to slow down and the anxiety to pass. Finally it did pass and i was able to get on with my day, but it definitely doesnt make for a great start.



Im not sure why im writing this... maybe because well i know that its an irrational fear in some sense, and well even if i thought i was fine it shows i still have some more fear facing to do when it comes to walking over bridges!!
DO you have any similar fears, or a similar story to share?


The rest of my day was a workout, studying, talking my family and then on the way home i decided to stop off at a cafe which sells vegan semlor, which is basically a swedish pastry of a sweet bun, marzipan and whipped cream, and is usually eaten before the weeks of lent. Instead of Pancake tuesday which the UK have, Sweden have semlor... however they began selling them in January already, haha.

Ive never liked semlor, but i thought... why not give a vegan one a chance. Food tastes change over time, i mean i could have just thought i dont like potatoes or brussel sprouts or cheese and never found my love for these things (i.e vegan cheese and vegan cheese sandwiches!). I always think its important to try new foods and even try previous foods you didnt like, just to see.... i mean you never know!
But also i guess a part of me just wanted to know... did i not like semlor because it has cream and is a bun, or do i not like it because of the taste and combination, and i can say it is the latter. I dont like the whole combination and have never liked marzipan, but the cream on its own was atleast good!!! I might however go to another place and see if i can get a more fresh vegan semla without the marzipan and maybe that one will be good.... i mean, can i really judge after just trying one? :)

The rest of my evening has just been spent making dinner and talking with my housemates, as well as washing my hair. And now the next hour or so i will try to find a film to watch :)

How has YOUR saturday been, what have you done? :)



6 comments:

  1. Hi, you are not alone with having strange fears. When I was little, I used to be afraid of the flower of pine trees:D fir me they seemed so ugly and disgusting that it looked frightening. And I guess I grew out of it? Like I've walked in pine forests quite a few times and had to see them every christmas, so I guess I just got over my fear :) but hang on! I know how it feeks to have a seemingly ridicolous fear. others might not get scared of crossing a bridge, but it is your feelings that count :)

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  2. The smela looks like a cream puff! I've never been a fan of marzipan either...I tried it when I was living in Belgium, but it just wasn't my thing.
    I wrote a biochemistry midterm this afternoon , and I'm so glad it's done! I'm not sure how well I did, but there's no use worrying now :)
    I have a ton of other work to catch up on, but right now I just need a nap and some Netflix haha I've had a horrible headache all day which hasn't been fun. I've tried water, pepper mint oil, food, and medicine, but nothing has helped. Oh well!
    Have a great evening, Izzy!

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  3. I used to love marzipan and consumed marzipan biscuits by the packet. But tastes change overtime, and now I find it way too sweet for my liking. That doesn't mean I'd say no to a cake with marzipan icing, or one of these buns. XD You're right, you have to try things before you can write them off completely.

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  4. Would you ever start writing your workouts? Or tips for exercises? You used to have another blog where you did that and food tips? Will you do that again... I don't know what exercises to do.

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  5. Oh I share your love of cold potatoes Izzy - especially when they are covered in salad cream :) Not too sure myself about the semla - don`t like marzipan but I must admit it looked good in the photos. I`m the same at Christmas with Christmas cake - I pick the marzipan off. When I was little my aunt used to make me these gorgeous looking marzipan "fruits" - modelled fruit like mini apple and bananas out of marzipan and painted them with food colouring - they looked so good but as I disliked marzipan I never ate them, just kept them in my room until they went hard and discoloured and I had to throw them away - never could tell her I didn't like marzipan after all the trouble she used to go to making them!
    I have a similar fear with boats - not that I get to go on boats much but when I do I can`t bear to look over the side at all that water. It really freaks me out. My biggest obstacle is lifts. I cannot cope with the enclosed space and have what I know is an irrational fear that the lift will break down and I`ll be trapped. I will always take the stairs where possible rather than a lift, no matter how many flights there are. This really annoys my partner and its often a case of us going our separate ways saying we`ll meet up at the top/bottom (he takes the lift). I have always had this fear and I don`t think it will ever change - but if I lived somewhere where I say had to go up several flights of stairs on a daily basis no doubt I would have tried to conquer my fear by now but seeing as I don`t have so many times when using a lift is an option the fear has just stagnated. I also don`t like the underground tube trains in London and no way will I venture near them. When in London I always catch a bus or get a taxi across the city - expensive but necessary!
    This Saturday has been rather quiet - far too cold to do anything outdoors very much. Its even been snowing a little. Did the usual food shopping in the morning then came home and spent some time just doing odd jobs around the house and catching up with the laundry. Then it was a film for the afternoon before cooking chilli carne carne for tea! Today, Sunday is just as cold so far (I`m really fed up with this cold weather) but I did go out for a walk this morning. Later my partner is putting up some shelves so I guess I`ll be helping with that. The rest of the day I plan to take a long hot bath, catch up on the telly I`ve missed and generally chill - a lazy sunday! Back to studying tomorrow though so I don`t feel so guilty of taking the weekend off, its nice to relax and have a break.
    I hope you are enjoying your long weekend too Izzy and making the most of having some time to yourself :)

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  6. I have a similar fear of bridges. I'm fine walking on them as long as they don't move and are sturdy and aren't too long or high up, but driving on them really bothers me. I once drove to a different city on my own and didn't realize there was quite a large bridge on the way. I ended up having a panic attack and couldn't stop crying. Which is just fantastic when you're driving... I think I'm more scared of driving off the bridge and being trapped in my car in the water than I am of the actual bridge though. I just try to stay in the middle lane and look straight forward.

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