Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.
I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!
If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Saturday, February 11, 2017
Facing fears, being productive and a vegan Semla
Hello and good afternoon everyone :)
The first time i've felt like updating today and its already past 8pm, however this day has just sort of flown by rather quickly!
Saturday morning started with my typical huge cup of coffee and oats, though if im honest my standard breakfast now a days is usually just leftover food usually potatoes and veggies. There is something about cold potatoes which i love, though trying to vary breakfast and eat oats again or make chia pudding, need some more variation throughout my day!
Then as it was such a beautiful morning i decided to walk to the gym instead of take the bus... also had partly to do with yesterday being my last day of my buss card and i needed to update it, and didnt feel like free riding, haha. I walk to school or the gym somedays and ever since moving to Gothenburg i have had to walk over a huge bridge to get to school and if you have been following me for a few years you will had read about my fear of bridges. I dont know why, but i have hated walking over bridges and always walk right in the middle and dont look down. The past 6 months ive only had 3 or 4 panic/anxiety attacks while walking the bridge, though ive left these out of my blog haha. But otherwise i have been fine, ive kept my eyes forward, listened to a podcast and not been so bothered... however if i look down to the water, thats when i can begin to feel paralyzed. Today however, there was a bridge opening - where the bridge opens to let the boats pass through. And the panic set in once i realised that i had to stop and couldnt keep moving forward, when my eyes began to settle on the water below and felt the wind around me. Anxiety and panicked kicked and i was almost in tears standing there, not sure what to do... i just wanted to lay myself flat on the ground and refuse to move... to panicked to take a step forward, but knowing that just standing there wasnt helping the situation either. For the few minutes while i waited for the bridge to close again it was just about trying to keep myself from panicking... keep myself from lying on the ground to try to feel more stable and safe.
It feels silly to write it, but walking over bridges is definitely a fear of mine, however i had mostly conquered it these past few months but today it was tough and once i was safely on normal gorund again it took a while for my heart rate to slow down and the anxiety to pass. Finally it did pass and i was able to get on with my day, but it definitely doesnt make for a great start.
Im not sure why im writing this... maybe because well i know that its an irrational fear in some sense, and well even if i thought i was fine it shows i still have some more fear facing to do when it comes to walking over bridges!!
DO you have any similar fears, or a similar story to share?
The rest of my day was a workout, studying, talking my family and then on the way home i decided to stop off at a cafe which sells vegan semlor, which is basically a swedish pastry of a sweet bun, marzipan and whipped cream, and is usually eaten before the weeks of lent. Instead of Pancake tuesday which the UK have, Sweden have semlor... however they began selling them in January already, haha.
Ive never liked semlor, but i thought... why not give a vegan one a chance. Food tastes change over time, i mean i could have just thought i dont like potatoes or brussel sprouts or cheese and never found my love for these things (i.e vegan cheese and vegan cheese sandwiches!). I always think its important to try new foods and even try previous foods you didnt like, just to see.... i mean you never know!
But also i guess a part of me just wanted to know... did i not like semlor because it has cream and is a bun, or do i not like it because of the taste and combination, and i can say it is the latter. I dont like the whole combination and have never liked marzipan, but the cream on its own was atleast good!!! I might however go to another place and see if i can get a more fresh vegan semla without the marzipan and maybe that one will be good.... i mean, can i really judge after just trying one? :)
The rest of my evening has just been spent making dinner and talking with my housemates, as well as washing my hair. And now the next hour or so i will try to find a film to watch :)
How has YOUR saturday been, what have you done? :)