Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Exercise answers - yoga, newbie at the gym, learning to love exercise

I have a question, I have been attending a weight lifting gym class at school and I'm only able to hang cling with very low weight. I know it's about improving myself but I feel really embarassed because sometimes people look at you sometimes to cheer you on but I still feel judged. I just don't want to be viewed as a weak person. Any advice?

Remember that everyone starts somewhere! It is not easy in the beginning and you can feel like you are weak or not as capable or as strong as everyone else, but you can only do Your best. Everyone has different backgrounds and condisitions, and it really doesnt matter to anyone else how much weight you use. You can only use the amountyou are capable of right now, but you will see progress and strength if you keep going :) Try not to worry about what anyone else thinks, remember that you are there working out for yourself, for your health and hopefully because you enjoy it, and you will feel stronger if you keep trying. You arent a weak person, no one in that gym class is weak, but everyone has a different health level and strength level, but the fact that you are there even if you feel embarrassed or nervous makes you strong :) Enjoy the exercise and keep trying to make progress. Soon you wont be the newbie either :)

Also think i should add, that to anyone who workouts dont be scared to lower weights or run slower or run less time/miles. In the past i used to find it embarrassing if i ever had to lower my weights because of tiredness or less strength that day, or if i had to stop running at 3km and not 5km like planned. I thought people would think i am weak if i lower my deadlifts weight and only do at 60% of max... but i had to realise that i cant do a max all the time or always use my heaviest weights, especially not when working out often.  Over time i realise it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks and their opinions dont matter... i mean you have no idea why someone is at the gym. The person who spends 40 minutes stretching might have an injury they are trying to recover from or trying to prevent, the person who never uses more than 3kg weights might not want to use heavier weights or their might be another reason behind it, or the person who does a bunch of strange movements or just one rep max lifts or similar, might train differently from you or look strange, but they have different goals and ways of training that doesnt make it wrong.
Dont judge others at the gym and just focus on yourself and dont care about people looking at you or dont worry about being judged... just do you :)

(picture from 2014/2015 i think)

I have a question- when did you start to love doing exercise? You probably didn't like it when you had an eating disorder because you had to force yourself to do it.. How did you find a kind of exercise that you really enjoy? Do you do any yoga? Do you think yoga can help you while recovering? :)

You're right, when i exercised during my years of illness i didnt like exercise. I felt compelled to do it and even if i hated 95% of all the walks and runs i forced myself to do, the feeling of not doing it was worse. Eventually though with the help of treatment and lots of distractions and mental strength i learnt to rest and learnt to be ok with being still. 

My first step to getting back to exercise was walking my dog, and it started off with powerwalking and barely stopping to let her pee because i just needed to keep walking. But at somepoint i realised that *hey, i can actually stop and take pictures, stop and let my dog pee and not have to powerwalk... just enjoy a walk or scenery. And id ont need to run either*, so that realisation was the first step to enjoying exercise again.  I also did swimming which i enjoyed but then began at the gym and did a bunch of cardio which i did enjoy and enjoyed seeing progress, but in afterhand i do admit it went overboard and i have been honest about it before that my exercise back in 2012 when i was allowed to exercise again went a little over the top.

Eventually when i found strength training i began to love working out and exercising. When i began to realise i could actually get stronger and more functional. When i realised that there was more to exercise than just running or being on a cross trainer. When i realised that i didnt need to spend 60 minutes doing cardio 6 days a week to call it a workout, but instead could lift weights and get stronger. And i also loved circuit training which was a combination of both strength training and cardio. My love for exercise came back, as i did like exercise before i became sick, but it became an unhealthy obsession and compulsion which took the fun away. Over the years when less focus was on appearance and more on health, on enjoyment the more fun exercise became. When i realised i was strong, i was functional... that working out was helping me in life. In the past when i would over exercise i would often end up too tired to do anything the rest of the day, but when exercise became balanced again it gaev me lots of energy. It made me stronger, happier, more functionally capabale and something i loved doing. When i began to listen to my body, learned to rest when i needed it whether it was 1 day, 3 days or 1 week, knowing that resting would just do my body good and exercise wasnt something i *had to* do, but something i choose to do because i love it.

My love for exercise and love for myself and my body just grows over the years, and my life becomes more balanced over the years as well which just makes everything better as well :)

And when it comes to yoga, i used to do yoga as a child as my mum is a yoga teacher. And i have gone to a few of my mums yoga classes but its not my type of workout form, but really i should do it.... i think the people who like me, are a little too stressed, altitle too anxious and a little too restless, and say they cant do yoga are exactly the type of people who need yoga and meditation. Buve ive just never commited myself to it.

I think yoga can be very beneficial. To learn to relax, to use your body and stretch, to just breathe and feel the movements of your body, to meditate and appreciate your body and life. Its a form of exercise which can be relaxing and help with sleep and stress, however there are yoga forms which can be very intense but i wouldnt recommend those in recovery. Instead the calmer forms of yoga would be better! I would say its worth a try, and give it atleast 3 lessons before you make a decision :)

(old pictures)

Can you please give any advice when it comes to yoga? I'm currently trying to get my period back and I'm cutting on cardio but yoga feels too.. easy? It's like I'm not doing anything! Do you have a yoga experience that could inspire us?

  I think its great that you are cutting down on cardio if you are tryig to get your period back as cardio stresses your body. However you have to remember that to get your period back you need 1) an adequate calorie intake, 2) enough healthy fats in your diet, 3) a healthy body fat percent, 4) enough rest, 5) not too many stressors in your life.
All of those things are a factor in getting your period back :)

There are many different forms of yoga, so you can try different ones and find the one which suits you best, however i would stay away from the hot yoga or the very intense yoga workouts for the time being, maybe later on in life you can try them. But i would focus on the yoga forms which are more relaxing, more focus on stretching, holding and breathing. I know it may feel difficult, like its nota workout or not tough enough - but that is exactly why you need to do it. To face that fear or anxiety that your exercise isnt good enough or tough enough or doesnt count. Instead focus on what your body can do, on breathing, relaxing and hopefully facing the fear/anxiety correlated with exercise that isnt intense or cardio. It will be a good challenge for you if you can focus more on less intense workouts.

Yoga is a great workout though, not in the same form as a running session, but all different forms of exercise have their benefits and sometimes a running session does more harm than good, remember that. 

My yoga experience? I did alot of yoga as a child with my mum and i loved it, i was very flexible as well. But then at 10-14 i was a moody teenager who thought yoga was boring and "rebelling" because my mum was a yoga teacher.. so i would absaloutly not do yoga, haha. Instead i did walks and runs and played basketball in school. And then over the years i have tried to do a few yoga classes but its never been my thing. But i must admit, i have never 100% commited myself either or actually given it an honest class. Ive pretty much gone to the yoga class with the mindset of "i'll hate this and cant wait for these 90 minutes to be over", so then of course i havent liked the yoga class. So dont be like me... go to the yoga class with the intention and mindset that you will love it and give it an honest chance atleast 3 times before you make a decision about whether you want to keep going or not :)


  1. Thank you so much Izzy. :) please continue with your blog.. it helps me so much to keep going on track. You have no idea how amazing it is to read your posts and know that you have the courage to recover. Thank you!

  2. Thank you Izzy you are very helpful! :)