Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Saturday, February 4, 2017

24 hours of anxiety and vegan treats

Hello and update time!

There haven't been any updates the last 24 hours because I've basically had 24 hours of anxiety. Friday morning I woke up feeling like I had been run over by a truck, a hung over feeling despite not having had alcohol. A pounding head ache, lack of motivation, tiredness and just laying in bed 30 minutes contemplating life before I finally got up. The day just blurred by and I did some studying but the anxiety just caused me to be unproductive... the type of anxiety that sort of imobilizes  you and leaves you unable to do anything because you just don't have any energy or motivation.
Then come evening them my house mates where having friends over for dinner (before going out) and I was invited to join them for dinner but I just didn't feel like being social.... I wanted to be alone so instead I headed to the gym and got 50 minutes of alone them before the gym closed. And after my workout I felt so happy again and at peace. However shortly after getting home again I felt the panic anxiety kicking in.... the anxiety that makes me want to crawl out of my skin, not be in my own mind... run from myself.  The panic anxiety is often worse than the more "lack of motivation, tired, heavy, immobile " anxiety because the panic one is more strong. It's the type of anxiety that leads to reckless behaviour and spontaneous,often regrettable choices.... the anxiety which requires deep breathes and calm thoughts and reminding myself that it will be over sooner or later.



And then this morning, the 3rd type of anxiety.... feeling unmotivated towards life,but also feeling somewhat happy in life but also wanting to change everything. The anxiety that makes me want to go dye my hair blue and cover myself in tattoos and get 5 piercings and spend all my money. The anxiety where I think change or new things will bring me peace, but all I really need is to sit down and breathe. 

For me, anxiety changes and is triggered by different things. There are 3 different types of anxiety I have, mentioned above and I experienced them all within 24 hours which is very draining mentally and physically.  So today all I've done is sit in school and study and bought myself lunch to try to make myself feel better.  And then I went to the store Happy Vegan where I used my saved up money to buy some new products and get a free bag!! 


At the moment I'm feeling better again and tomorrow will just be a quiet day at home. My flatmates will be gone most of the day tomorrow so I'm looking forward to just having the apartment to myself for a few hours and getting that alone time I need and want right now!!

I really can't say why I felt so much anxiety - usually stress or tiredness is a trigger. But right now I don't know what it could have been.... but all I know is that sooner or later it passes!!!
I hope you are all doing ok and have a lovely weekend!!!


3 comments:

  1. Thank you, Izzy. I am so glad you wrote about this, and that you distinguished the experiences in this way. It is really helpful. Also, it is a good model of someone who does not have the instincts to respond in the ways I do to this -- I tend to binge eat, and that just makes everything worse. Thank you for posting. I am glad you are feeling a bit better for now, and i hope you do get properly better and not have to keep experiencing this all through life. Thank you for your example and for your life.

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  2. Oh girl i feel so bad for you! Unfortunately i can't really come up with a lot of encouraging words atm. Sorry for that. It's just because i feel horrible myself too.
    Hopefully you can make tomorrow a good day <3

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  3. I`m sorry that you had such an awful day and felt so bad :( What is encouraging though is that you recognise and can identify your anxiety, not just having a whole heap of emotions and not know what is happening to you. I am so glad that you managed to cope and get through it, and its totally understandable that you feel "drained" now as a result, anxiety puts great stress on the body. Do you have any ideas what triggered this episode? Maybe it was an acumalation of all the changes you have had recently, caught up with you so to speak? Ihope today you are having a better day and will be able to rest and put the anxiety behind you. I hope you soon feel well again.
    Your pictures of food look wonderful - I just love your combinations and I can only imagine they tasted great! I`m not such a fan of sirache either - too hot for me although my partner eats it by the bucketful!
    Did you go to the gym at the apartment? I think its great that you have that facility available to you.
    Your shopping looked interesting! we have that cheese here too - but your "omellete" mix intrigued me - how can you have an omelette with no eggs?? What has it got in it? I wish things like that were available here - vegan seems to be popular in Sweden?
    I hope you are having a good day today and just taking things easy, and the coming week is kind to you xxx

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