Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Thursday, January 19, 2017

Your future self will thank you

You may be struggling now, but remember that the struggles make you stronger. And that one day you will look back and be thankful that you kept going and kept fighting.

I may not remember everytime I struggled or remember every recovery choice I made but I can say that I am proud of my past self for making those choices so that I can be the person I am today. I am thankful that I kept fighting.

There are certain times though that I made a recovery choice and I am so thankful that I did.

The time I had planned a run after school and when I got home I didn't feel like running but forced myself out to do it and 10 minutes into the run I broke down crying because I really didn't want to, and I knew what I was doing was wrong. So instead I headed home and asked my mum to buy a Ben and Jerry's I've cream for me... and that day I faced several fears, I. E not doing a planned workout, eating a fear food and also on a day I didn't workout, and also being able to ask for a food and admit I wanted ice cream.

Also the time I went to a cafe with my mum and I had ordered some type of pie and she had ordered soy ice cream and when I got the pie it tasted awful and it felt so wrong to eat something I didn't like, so the anxiety got the better of me but I liked the ice cream my mum had ordered so I asked her if we could swap because I needed to face my fear and fight my anorexia, but I wanted to eat something I enjoyed and so I got to eat the ice cream and enjoy it and made me feel less guilty as it was something I actually liked.

The time I ordered a cappuccino instead of a black coffee like I had done for years.

The time I went food shopping with my mum and after 45 minutes of worrying and contemplating finally asked her if I could buy some chocolate.... I had felt ashamed and embarrassed and didn't want to admit that I wanted chocolate as I saw it as  a sign of weakness.  But she was just happy and let me buy as much chocolate as I wanted.... of course eating the chocolate was the next step but admitting to cravings and not being ashamed. And the next step also was to be able to buy the chocolate myself and not feel ashamed or judged by the cashier.

And then there were also the recovery steps of actually using butter or oil when cooking and eating the food myself. As well as being able to eat food cooked by others and even going out to eat.

So many recovery steps and choices and all of them made me stronger. At the time it was awful and I had anxiety before, during and after but of course future self thanks the past me for being strong enough to make those choices and progress.  Because now it's not even a thought when I use oik to try my food or add 1dl milk to my coffee or to rest when I don't want to exercise or to buy chocolate whenever I want it without feeling ashamed, judged or guilty.

All those small steps and choices lead to the final result of healthy and free. Of course it's a mind set change but all those small steps add up.  Think how differently life could be in 6 months if you everyday go against the anxiety and fear!!

Your future self will thank you and be so proud of you!!! The only way to get better is to make those changes and face the fears!!

4 comments:

  1. I met with my dietician today, and we also went over some recovery wins and successes I've had in the past couple of months! It's so easy to forget about small things, but they really do add up and make a difference! It's amazing to think about how far both you and I and every other reader has come in our journeys! I'm so proud of everyone for making the choice to recover and face those fears.
    I was able to cook my potatoes tonight with oil, not blot it off after, and enjoy them! They tasted super yummy :) that was a success for me today!

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  2. Thank you, Izzy. I love this. I am at a stage where so much is healthy both physically and mentally that it is ridiculous that some bad habits linger. Recently I have often felt like I "could" change the habits, but I never actually have. And then there is always the question of what next ... if I get it right once, then what next .... This post reminded me that every change comes with a first step, and that I should move away from the unsafe safe routines!

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  3. Sometimes I'm proud of eating something that was considered a fear food, but then when I actually gain weight I freak out and starve afterwards just to compensate it. Do you know how to stop this reaction? I really want to be free but the voice is stronger than ever.

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  4. I get this too. I`m ok at first having something I fear but then the guilt starts when I find I`m gaining weight. I try to tell myself that its a good thing - its what i need to do but you`re right, the voice telling me otherwise is so strong. I guess that's just what we have to fight, but its hard.

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