Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Saturday, January 14, 2017

Working out because it is fun, not because you have to

Today was a day where i woke up and felt mentally excited and ready for the gym, like i do 99% of the time, however once i got to the gym and was in my workout gear i felt i had no energy. I felt tired in my body and i felt slow and heavy and just 50% of the normal weights i use felt heavy. Within 5 minutes of beginning my workout i realised that it just wouldnt work... i had lost my motivation and mental energy to workout as well as not having the energy physically. I know the reason why, i.e too little food yesterday and too little sleep recently. I knew that trying to push through a workout 1) wouldnt be good for me mentally, 2) it wouldnt be fun, 3) it wouldnt lead to anything positive, 4) it would just drain me of the little energy i had. So it was just to change into my normal clothes again and leave all within 15 minutes.

For some this might sound crazy and they would push through a workout no matter what. I was once like that.... i thought "what would people think if i left so quickly?", "what would the other people in the gym think of me if i just did 2 sets and then left?", but also that i couldnt skip a workout or end a workout too soon because that would cause too much anxiety. Now a days? I dont care what others think, what does it matter to anyone else what i do at the gym or how long i am there? If i want i could go to the gym and then sit on a bench and use my phone for 60 minutes and leave again if that is what i wanted to do, it shouldnt matter to anyone else. But most importantly, i listen to my body. I was tired, wasnt motivated and knew that working out wouldnt be fun at that moment in time so i had absaloutly no reason why i should continue. For me working out should be FUN, it should be challenging also but in a fun way, i should be mentally excited for it but most importantly it should give me energy and give me something positive. Days where i dont have energy then it doesnt do that, it just tires me out completely and i leave the gym feeling unsatisfied and even sad... but now i left the gym knowing i did the right thing and made the right choice.

Health is about balance and knowing what is best for your mental and physical health. I want to remind you all that IT IS OK to skip a workout, it is ok to go a week, a month, 6 months without working out if that is what you want/is best for you. It is ok to end a workout earlier than planned, it is ok to spend the day watching series instead of going for a run, it is ok just go for a walk instead of a run or to do some yoga instead of go to the gym. And most importantly, it is ok to eat enough and plenty even when you dont workout.

I have injuries and pains in my body due to all the times in my past that i forced myself to workout, i forced myself to constantly be active and never rest and now i still deal with the conseuqences of that and i can say, it was not worth it. The body needs rest as well!!

So... dont ever feel guilty for not working out, dont feel guilty for resting and learn to listen to your body. In the end, you only have one body and you need to take care of it!!! Buut also if you suffer from exercise addiction, know that you wont get better until you face the fears and the anxiety regarding resting or skipping workouts, the only way to get better is to face your fears and push past the anxiety!! One day you will look back and be so thankful, just like now i can be proud of myself that i can listen to my body and know what is best for it and not feel anxious or guilty for changing my plans.

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  1. I needed this today, thank you so much! I have a question, I've felt like I'm avoiding a lot of interactions with friends and even people in general. I know I feel better when I'm around others, it just can be difficult, with limited places to go in my area, and anxiety when talking/talking over the phone. Any ideas or experiences would be helpful. Thank you Izzy

  2. dear Izzy, on the veganism thing -- will it help or be problematic for people with a history of ED? I know YOU know what you are doing, but what about people who are not so clued up on nutrition, what about osteoporosis and all the other side effects of a history of ED?

    1. I personally dont recommend veganism for people who are recovering from an eating disorder or if someone struggles with eating enough. However veganism isnt just a diet, its a lifestyle change and done for ethical reasons not for diet or appearance reasons. But when/if you go vegan it is important to be aware about nutrition as well, i mean a person can surive on pasta, potatoes and bananas as a vegan but that doesnt mean their body would be so healthy or a vegan can survive on just salad and fruit but they might not be mentally healthy and lack nutrients. So doing research is so important and also a progress towards a fully vegan diet so that it is long lasting. And i recommend everyone to get regular blood work tested just to check :) And of course if a person has an illness i.e if a person would be far too restricted in their eating from followinga plant based diet or their body cant absorb iron or calcium or b12 as its supposed to then maybe a fully plant based diet isnt the best recommendation. But everyone can eat a few (or many) plant based meals each week which still make a huge difference.