Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, January 3, 2017

My thoughts at the moment

Hello and Happy 2017 everyone :)

How has my new year started? With a whole bunch of overthinking which has lead to anxiety... however i have found that the best remedy for my anxiety is 1) going to the gym (and im so thankful that i can still go even when im in Stockholm, its definitely worth paying doule for!) and 2) just lying in bed and cuddling my dog... just being still, not really thinking... but having a pet is very relaxing and calming.

I have a bunch of different thoughts and feelings at the moment which i thought i would try to make sense of, and others might relate to my thoughts so im going to share a few of them.

First off its thoughts about travelling back to Gothenburg. I worried that i might get feelings like this.... I love Gothenburg, i love studying there, i love my life there and being independant and my friends... but being back to Stockholm and being here for so "Long" again it also makes me miss it a little more. Or well, i miss my dog, i miss my old gym and just the comfort of being home. I think these feelings mostly stem from the fact that January and February will be 2 months of "adapting", not really having a place to call home or a place to just settle... but instead living from suit cases from December to the start of February (i.e i didnt unpack while i lived in the apartment and amnt unpacking now while in Stockholm) and it just feels strange to not really have a certain place to settle. I know once i am back in Gothenburg these feelings will pass once i am back into school and back into my normal routines again. But at the moment i just feel very strange and "out of it", both physically and mentally. I feel like my body is very out of balance which is causing this anxiety which i havent felt a while.
My plan is to just do a little self analyzing and see what is causing me to feel this way and to feel so unalanced. I am now ready to just get back into my structure and routine, get back into studying again, focus on my goals, eat regular meals and not just lots of snacking (i.e its been too many days where i have just snacked the whole day and not really had so much structure or main meals). And back to drinking lots of water.... theres been a little too much coffee and diet soda.

I know i have readers who also study away from home, so maybe you feel the same way if you have travelled back home to celebrate Christmas? The worst is that i want to be in both places... or i want the comfort of home and my dog, but i want it in Gothenburg where i have my independancy, freedom and my "New" life!  I guess this is just part of growing up!

Anyway.... there are plenty of other thoughts in my head, but this was the "main" thing and main thoughts giving me anxiety i.e yesterday was just a whole day filled with anxiety :( But i only have a week left in Stockholm so i am going to make the best of it and enjoy my time here but not get too settled or stuck either, haha!!


Do any of you feel the same way at the moment or maybe you feel the complete opposite and just long to be away from home now that you are back?



8 comments:

  1. I also study away from home....I'm a 4 1/2 hour car trip from my family. I did go home for Christmas, but I longed to return to my residence....I just don't feel comfortable at home. My dad and I have a horrible relationship and the thought of having to be around him just fills me with anxiety. I only stayed for 5 days.
    I love the freedom of living away from home. My mom and I text/call very often, so it doesn't feel like she is that far away. And I get to see her, my siblings, and dog about once a month.
    I find that having classes, homework, and tests to study for keeps me busy and I don't really miss my old life. I'm a little bit lonely as I haven't made any friends at uni yet, but that's okay. I love living in a large city as opposed to a small town and I love being able to explore and find new food stores and fun things to do.
    So I guess all in all, I love being away from home :) I've always been really independent...I've been on many exchange trips (I live in Canada), and I even lived in Belgium for 3 months on my own and visited Cologne and Amsterdam by myself.

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    1. That is great to hear, even though you don't enjoy being home so much. But it's great that you enjoy your life and living away from home, that you feel settled and happy that's how it should be!!! :) I hope you have a great time in school this year!!

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  2. I study in the U.K. and live in South Africa and oh can I relate to this! Going back in exactly a week but right now I'm at home (came home for three weeks over Christmas). I suppose I enjoy being taken care of at home and not having to worry about budgeting, laundry, etc. also, the weather in January and February is miserable in the UK and right now I'm enjoying the summer weather at home, plus we live right by the beach. Going back is going to be so difficult. But I'm there to get the best possible degree and I don't want to waste the opportunity I've been given to study abroad just so I can stay in my comfort zone. I remind myself that living a predictable and convenient life is boring and not something I personally would want. Home is great, but I try to remind myself there's so much more out there and I want to be part of something bigger than myself.

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    1. Exactly my thoughts! I enjoy both places and both places have their pros and cons, but I do enjoy my freedom and being independent alot more!!! Who needs to be comfortable, we should grow and progress and cHallengren ourselves and living in another city or country sure does that!!!

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  3. I've been back for Christmas and personally I love it! Last year I had a 6 month leave of absence and couldn't wait to get back to uni. But I think it brought me closer to my family and now I feel recovered, we're all more relaxed together.

    Unfortunately no work gets done, so working from home isn't an option!

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    1. I hope you had a lovely Christmas and new years!! And I agree,being at home means alot less work is done, hahah. Oh well, I have the rest of term to study hard!

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  4. Its only natural to feel the way you have been - Christmas is so family orientated, you spend more time with the whole family doing things together you wouldn't necessarily do in a normal everyday week. My personal thoughts are that once you get back to Gothenburg you will quickly settle back into your life again and the anxieties you are feeling at the moment will fade as you start going to classes again and meet up with your friends.
    Try not to over think things and concentrate on the "now" rather than the "what ifs" as these maybe scenarios can grow and grow out of all realistic proportion - giving you uneccesary stress. Have a plan of when you are going to visit or see your family again and keep in regular contact. Both of these will help you.
    I have never had the experience of studying away from home but I did have a job in another town which required me to move from home at quite an early age - I was only 17. I loved my new found independence and freedom to make my own decisions and loved being able to take charge of my life. Yes, I missed my family but I visited when I could and if anything my relationship with them grew and got better! It is nice to be at home and "be looked after" ie no worries about budgeting/laundry/cooking etc but after a while I used to long for my own space again - if that makes sense.
    Enjoy your time at home for what it is and know that you have a life to go back to in Gothenburg - one that is happy and full of opportunities. I can understand that not having a long-term place to live at the moment is unsettling but keep telling yourself that it won`t be long before you do.
    I`m sure things will be ok for you and I hope your anxieties have faded a bit.
    Take care and keep thinking those positive thoughts xxx

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    1. Exactly!!! And I know once I'm in gothenburg I'll feel fine as I love it there and I can't wait to go back, but home is also a comforting place, am easy place. However I don't want to live comfortable and easy; I love being independent and free and even if that comes with its challenges thats OK!!! :)

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