Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Saturday, January 7, 2017

If i look "fat" now, how will i look when i have gained even more weight - eating disorder recovery

A common thought and question which I get asked is, if I look big/normal/healthy now how will I look when I gain even more?
This trail of thought isn't uncommon. When you have roughly 3-6kg your body functions more normally, you might already have gained weight and you feel normal and people might also comment that you look better,  that you look healthier. And that is just clarification that you look better,  right. And that is exactly what it is, so don't turn it into something negative where you think that you don't need to gain more weight because people are telling you that you look better.  Instead take it as a compliment and realise that the weight you might have already gained is actually making you look better,people are telling you that and you need to believe them. And it also means that those last few kilo you gain will make you look even better.

If you look at my previous post (HERE) where I show pictures through my recovery. During the beginning of 2012 when I began relapsing I felt huge. I felt fat and hated my body, I  had already gained 15kg and had about 5kg more to gain and I thought I would turn into a ball with those last 5kg. I thought those 5kg would turn me obese or overweight,  but if you see photos from 2012 to now, there is a 10kg difference.  And I am not fat or overweight.

 And 5kg, that doesn't make much difference to your body at all. It just adds energy to your life, adds sparkle and shine to your skin, makes your hair and nails healthier,  it makes you healthier! ! Those last few kilo you need to gain will actually make you think healthier,  can make you feel better in your body and even if you weigh more you might actually feel better in your body, feel thinner. Feel more comfortable in your body, I know this might seem unbelievable but that is what happened to me. It seemed awful to have to gain the last bit of weight, but I knew I had to and suddenly my thoughts were healthier,  and I felt better in my body even though I was eating more and had gained more. Seems strange,but it isn't.  Because when you nourish your body properly and you reach a healthier weight it is easier for the mind to think healthier as well. I have also had many people email me and tell me that they experienced the same thing, even if they might not have believed me when I told them that gaining those last few kilo won't be the end of the world and won't make you overweight.

Also think logically if you medically need to gain weight then there is no way that you are overweight or will be over weight with just a few kilo of weight gain. It can be hard to believe especially when you are stuck in the thoughts of feeling huge, but atleast try to gain the weight and focus on being positive.

It can also be good to remember that the body naturally goes up and down 2-3kg throughout a day due to water, food, hormones etc so the scale.doesnt matter so much.
If you struggle with getting comments I have a post about that,  click HERE.

And some more posts which can be helpful:


  1. I definitely had this fear for a long, long time. In fact, I spent years putting a lot of effort into maintaining my weight a handful of pounds below my set point. And I felt fat, every day. As my life and recovery continued to progress, I eventually found myself relinquishing control and allowing my body to gain a few pounds. Something miraculous happened - I no longer felt fat. I actually felt quite beautiful, and comfortable, and confident in my own skin. I was no longer checking mirrors all day. I was no longer obsessing about food. Until this point, I had no idea how closely connected weight and mental health were in ED recovery. I didn't know that those few pounds I feared so much would actually be what finally set me free. And it was only like 3-6 pounds in the end! All that wasted effort to stay such a marginal amount below where I needed to be. Objectively, I looked really no different with the last few pounds. But mentally everything changed. I even felt.... thin! Gaining weight resulted in me feeling thinner, because I was finally able to see myself objectively, without the veil of self-loathing, fear, scrutiny, and obsession. Before, my main objective had been to feel thin (by maintaining that slightly lower weight). But i felt fat all the time. More than feeling "thin" (which isnt even important to me anymore), it's the freedom of simply not caring anymore. I don't spend all my time worrying about my thin or fat status. I know I'm just fine the way I am, and so I don't need to think about it anymore. Instead, I get to live my life and do important and fun things. I regret all the time I wasted avoiding those last few pounds. What a dummy I was!

  2. This is such an inspiration - thank you for sharing