Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Sunday, January 8, 2017

Habits to change when recovering from an eating disorder - what fears to face

Hi! I have few questions which came in my mind while reading this post.
1) Everyone (also you on your posts) talk about facing your fears, challenge your self and do the opposite you ed says what does that really mean? Like i have already came pretty far in recovery; i have some weight to gain and some foods are more difficult than others but i can eat everything.. I still know i have challenges and fears and i'm not healthy yet but it is so hard for me to find those things.. Like what are those things i need to "practise".. So I wanted to ask could you have any examples for those things? What things could give me that "freedom"? I feel i'm in the same place with recovery and i don't know what to do..

The types of challenges you need to face and what fears hold you back are very individual and not something i can tell you. .Instead you need to figure it out and ask yourself... "What holds me back in life?" or are there are any routines or habits that you hold onto a little too hard but they dont give you anything positive, or maybe you do things just out of routine and habit but dont question why you do them? To  be fully free takes time and sometimes years, it sure took years for me and i still progress and grow and need to change things in my life. But i can give you some examples of the changes i made mentally and things i changed in my routine in the last part of my recovery.

Such as being able to actually sleep in, not have an alarm on every morning and "have to" wake up at xam.

Being able to take naps in the day if i needed them.

Being able to eat at different times.

Say yes to different things such as special occasions, travelling, meeting friends etc without thinking about food or food planning first.

Having no fear foods - i could eat everything in moderation.

Also having no "Black and white" thinking when it came to food i.e i struggled with either i eat no cookies or i eat all of them, and would lose control over my eating during a phase in my recovery. So finding balance with food and having no food as off limits.

Drinking coffee with milk if i wanted milk in it - also ordering something other than a black coffee if i ever went out to a cafe with family or friends.

Eating food that someone else prepared for me without knowing what was in the food or seeing them prepare it.

Being able to eat lunch and dinner and not have vegetables as part of the meal (I was very strict before with always needing vegetables for lunch and dinner and if there werent vegetables i would freak out and barely be able to eat the food i.e this wasback in 2012 ;))

Be more spontaneous and even if i had routine and planning, still be able to change those plans.

Actually listen to my body when it came to hunger, fullness, tiredness, energy.

Learning to say no, but also learning to say yes to different things in life.

Those are just examples of things i changed in my life and "fears/controlled habits/routines" i had which held me back in life. Example sleeping in was the worst thing i knew as well as taking naps, and i wasnt spontaneous as everything had to be controlled and it held me back in life. 

Your fears and what holds you back might be different and you might not even realise them now, but maybe a week or a month or a year from now you might realise that "hey.... this habit i have is actually not a healthy one and something i need to change". 

I would suggest doing some self analyzing over your behaviour, how you think and how you act in different situatoins.... such as maybe you are fine eating with others but cant eat while you are alone or vice versa? Or maybe you have some weird control habits or feel the need to exercise or you have some weird eating habits or need to ea a at a certain time or within a certain etc all of those are control things which might hold you back. HOWEVER of course not everything has to be analyzed to the tiniest detail, for example somedays i drink black coffee and that doesnt make me sick... but i know that if i want a soy latte that is what i will make or order and there is no fear involved with the choice over what drink i make... it is just based on what i want at that moment in time. If that makes sense.

You learn over time and you know yourself what habits may be due to your illness and what holds you back.

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