Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Being at peace with the past

A part of life is accepting the past and being at peace with it.

There are many things in my life that i have done and things i have said and many "what ifs" that still bother me. I can at times get caught up in the "what if x"... what if this didnt happen, or what if something turned out different, or what if i had acted or responded differently, what if i was someone else etc Somethings i just havent fully let go or accepted or come to terms with... somethings are left open and unsettled and it has bothered me sometimes.

But yesterday when looking through old photos - something which bothers me at times. Past memories that can haunt me, past memories that make me sad or make me long for the past or get caught up and wondering about what if things had turned out differently. But yesterday was one of the first times i just felt at peace with certain memories and didnt long for the past. I didnt long for things to have turned out differently, i didnt long to turn back time and change things or long for a different outcome. Instead i was at peace and accepted that the past can not be changed.

A growth and maturity and something that needs to be done. I think its because i feel happy in my current life, i dont feel need to change my life situation at the moment and i dont long for it to be different. I dont long for the past or wonder how things could have turned out because i know that everything happens for a reason and i am where i am in my life now because of the past choices i made. 

Yesterday i could look back on photos and smile at good memories, i could reminisce about good times and think about how much i have grown as a person. And i didnt end up feeling sad or anxious, i just felt at peace and it was (i.e it is, because i am writing this post shortly after looking through old pictures) such a nice feeling. The past is the past, it cannot be changed or undone but all i can do is enjoy life as it is and make the best decisions based on my knowledge and wants right now.

I highly suggest that you also try to accept and find peace with your past. Maybe there is someone you need to talk with to get closure, maybe there are pictures you need to delete or items you need to throw away. Maybe you just need to sit and think and realise that you can not change the past, you can only grow from it and accept it and be ok with it. Its definitely not always easy, but from personal experience it feels like if you are happy in your present and current life you dont long back for the past.

Maybe this is a goal to have and work towards this year? To accept your past and accept the things you can not change? Or try to get closure in different areas of your life if that is necessary.

I can say, it feels wonderful to just be happy in my current life and not long to be someone else or to change past choices or actions. I would not be where i am now if i hadnt made the choices i did.

Do you ever long back to the past or think about what "if's"? Have you found peace with your past? Whats your experience with this topic/area?

Image result for peace with your past
Image result for peace with your past


  1. I think its very important that you feel at peace with your past - if you can become so. I am so happy that you, Izzy are in such a good place right now and can look back on past photos/events with fond memories.
    I grew up in a very abusive childhood and it took a long time for me to accept my past, deal with it and move on. But with counselling and therapy I was able to do that and also be able to make deciscions for myself about my life and how I wanted it to be. I no longer look back on the past with "what ifs" and "maybes" but instead feel glad that I made the decisions that I did because they opened up a new life for me. I met my partner and his family became my family, so I feel very blessed.
    It is important to move on if you can and not dwell in the past, but to do that I agree you have to make your peace with whatever is in your past. Unless you do it will always follow you around.
    Yours was a lovely post izzy and I thought it very honest and thought provoking.

  2. This is a really good post.
    At the moment, I feel quite at peace with my past. I prefer not to tell new people about it, because I know people can jump to conclusions... and i get quite frustrated about how it follows me around (family making comments, residual thoughts etc) but am making changes to be able to move on - for example moving away from where it all happened. But at the same time not trying to deny it happened!!

    The only thing at the moment, is that people ALWAYS comment on my weight. Before I had anorexia I was teased for being overweight, as I was quite short at the time before puberty. But now, I don't consider myself to have anorexia anymore and I feel like I have a healthy relationship with food... but my metabolism seems to be very fast. I eat a lot, compared to others and what I used to (but all healthy stuff most of the time). I'm also quite tall. I was just wondering whether in your opinion anorexia can change your build. Because now I'm tall and lanky, and people are always commenting on the fact that I'm very slim. And it makes me worried that somewhere deep down I haven't let go of my past, but I feel happy and healthy the way I am, and of course eat enough and look after myself really well. It's such a strange balance, because I never had people telling me that pre-anorexia, so now post-anorexia I can't tell whether I would have grown to be this slim anyway or not, or whether it's because of the ED. Any thoughts?