Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.
I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!
If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: email@example.com
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
4 years healthy - follow up appointment
Back in August i had my "4 year declared healthy anniversary" though it wasnt really anything i thought about as i dont really keep track of the date. I mean sure, August 2012 when i was declared healthy it was a wonderful day and felt so so amazing and a date i guess i should remember... however as the years pass that date becomes less signifcant or important because i dont think so much about the time that i was sick. It feels like it was another person - and in a way it was. Anyway, then sometime in October i got an email from my "case manager" at Mando saying it was time for my 4 year follow up appointment (at Mando, where i went to treatment for 1,5 years they have a 5 year follow up treatment once you are declared healthy - this is mostly for their statistics but also that after 5 years the chance of relapse isnt as high. I think its great that they have the follow up treatment and appointments, and as i have just gone once a year i cant complain about that 1 appointment haha). As i was in Gothenburg we decided that i would book an appointment when i was home over Christmas... and i had totally forgotten about it until i got an email yesterday reminding me of the appointment.
Mixed feelings about going back, but the appointment is basically "get weighed, say what i have eaten the past 24 hours, fill in a whole bunch of forms, talk about life and how im feeling" and then hopefully leave.
Of course life is very different now compared to before... and i had some thoughts about whether to talk about my depression or not. And i decided i would, and she was very understanding but also concerned that i hadn't seemed helped when I struggled so much. But as I said I felt and am doing better now, it was just to focusing on that and to hopefully not relapse in depression. But also that the depression hadn't triggered any eating dsiroder thoughts or habits.
But also about me being vegan. At Mando you arent allowed to eat vegan or vegetarian - or not while i was there anyway, maybe they have changed. But usually for the follow up appointments you eat lunch there, but i emailed her and told her that i was vegan so would be best if i just ate a snack there. What did she think about my choice to be vegan? Of course she was interested and wondered whether it was due to eating disorder thoughts or due to the "trend" but also how I managed to eat enough while both exercising alot and havibg cf. And I told her that because of my knowledge about nutrition I don't find it difficult or hard or restrictive either food wise or socially. I thought she would have negative thoughts or opinions regarding my choice to be vegan but she didn't at all, and I guess that's because I don't go to mando and been declared healthy for the years and well if veganism was due to an eating disorder relapse my family would be the first to notice and react.
The appointment lasted about an hour and there was lots of talking, lots of formulas to fill in and questions to answer and finally I got weighed before I could then leave!!! Felt so good to leave and then to have my mum pick me up!!! It's always a little emotionally and mentally draining to go to the hospital and especially back to Mando but it wasn't as difficult or hard as I thought and I don't feel sad or anxious or any of that this evening. Instead I'm just happy and feel free and proud of myself! Proud of how I changed my life, proud of what I have overcome and proud over my mental strength and how I keep growing and progressing. Recovery is so so difficult but it is so worth it.... and that's the thing that YOU have to realise. No one can force you to recover, instead you have to want it for yourself and when you do recover you won't regret it!!!!