Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Sunday, December 11, 2016

Wanting to be sick - answer

Izzy, is that normal? I have such a bad relationship with health. When I was a child, I used to love being ill. And now with my ED I love being ill, I love being in hospital because it makes me happy to have such a great attention. I always wanted to break my leg or arm just to be ill, when I go to take my blood test I always hope something will be wrong with me.. The problem is that this hasn't begun with my ED, it has already been through my whole life... The thought of being just healthy scares me, I want to be ill, I love being ill. And now I feel ashamed for telling this but that's the truth.

I thought i would answer this in a post as others might relate to the question. You might feel like you are the only one feeling this way, i mean most people want to be healthy, but there are others out there who feel the same way, they want to be sick.  There is an illness called Munchausens syndrome (read more about it HERE )where people can fake being ill to get attention or due to other reasons, and some people who so badly want to be sick that they can almost make themselves sick they feel like they have symptoms of an illness even if they arent sick.  However i am not diagnosing, just stating that there is this illness. However when you have an eating disorder - and already are sick - you might want to stay sick for many different reasons. One is that you get attention, even if that attention isnt always positive, but there are people who are there for you and take care of you. But also when you have an eating disorder it is a way to run from life and from problems. I mean when you are in hospital there are people around you, taking care of you and you dont really need to do much apart from rest and eat and that is what some people want. They dont want to deal with life and they realise that if they are in hospital and sick they can be like a "child" and be taken care of and not deal with life. 

Wanting to be sick can be due to attention or low self esteem or just wanting to be taken care of, wanting to be a child and have people around you who care for you. Maybe you didnt get so much attention when you were child or maybe the future and being an adult or growing up scares you?

My best suggestion is to talk to someone about this. Talk to a therapist as i am sure they have dealt with other people who have had the same thoughts and feelings, so you arent alone... even if your thoughts are abnormal. Because for most people they want to be healthy, they want to be as healthy as possible and not be in hospital. You can get help for this i am sure and to be able to change your thoughts to realise that by being healthy you get POSITIVE attention, of course you might not get as much attention when you are healthy but you have to realise that you dont need attention from other people. And people will still love and care for you and be there for you and help you even when you are healthy.

Think about all the negative things about being sick and being in hospital, and why you shouldnt want to be in hospital. You deserve a healthy life and to be healthy and to not have that feeling of wanting to be sick. Think of all the people who suffer with illnesses which they cant recover from and all they hope for is to be healthy. But you also have to remember that you ARE sick, these thoughts ARE sick ones but also that an eating disorder is a serious  illness and you dont need any more illnesses or injuries to deal with. Your only focus should be to be healthy and to live a healthy life!! :)

Speak to someone and the first thing is to admit and be open about this is the way you think so that you can do something about it and change those thoughts and feelings. But also maybe get to the actual root of the problem wheter it stems from feeling neglected or having low self esteem etc but this is best to do with a proffessional.


  1. I have exactly the same thoughts and also in my childhood I thought a lot about this. It is good to read I am not alone in these thought

  2. I would really recommend the person who asked this question to seek help for this. This could develop to a serious condition. Sounds a bit like the some stage of Munchausen syndrome.

  3. This is a very severe mental disorder which needs to be treated in therapy. Like Izzy and the anonymous person above said, the person who asked this question should talk to a therapist asap. The underlying problems can only be solved with professional help. The symptoms mentioned in the question are truly alarming.

  4. I can`t imagine actually wanting to be sick. Of course I had moments in childhood whereby I would fake illness - but that was because I wanted the day off school! and my mum used to say that as soon as the school bell went I would miraculously "feel better"!
    But I`m sure its a problem that, with the right support and therapy can be overcome. Just think of all the nice things you can do when you are well that you can`t do when you are sick, how much better and happier your life would be when you are healthy. Don`t let fear of this hold you back and make you hang onto sickness - that really isn't a life you want.

  5. You are definitely not alone. I used to (not anymore) want to be sick because I was unhappy and I felt like I needed a reason to not be happy. Is this something you can relate to? It's definitely worth getting some kind of therapy so that at some point in your therapy you can address the route of why you feel like this!!