Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Sunday, December 18, 2016

Saturday night

Hello and good day!!
   Its Sunday and today will be a day mostly spent in bed with little productivity happening... or maybe i will get around to cleaning the apartment and doing a little studying, but the chances of that happening are very slim! Though its so crazy to think that in 4 days i will be on my way back to Stockholm again... only 3 more days of lectures left this term, i havent quite realized that i need to pack all my stuff again and clean the apartment and somehow also manage to feel a little festive and get some Christmas spirit? Ive just been so focused on other things that i havent even realized how quickly time has passed. If i am honest, these past few months in university i feel like i have changed alot... mentally anyway. Stepping out of my comfort zone alot more and daring to open up and be who I am and not be ashamed of who i am, but also daring to take contact with people and do new things!! Yesterday was definitely one of those moments.

All week i had been looking forward to going partying on Saturday evening, but then once Saturday afternoon rolled around all i wanted to do was curl up into my bed and watch series. But i decided to use my "you have the rest of your life to watch series in bed" tactic and it made me atleast get ready for the evening. Then it was just a matter of drinking some caffeine and letting my "anxiety stomach pains" pass (i always seem to get nervous and anxious for things such as parties or social events which leads to me getting lots of stomach pain, which almost always passes once i am on my way - unless the anxiety gets worse, then the stomach pain gets worse as well. But most often the stomach pain passes as well as the anxiety and is just a matter of getting out of the house!).

And i can say i am very glad that i pushed past my comfort zone and decided to leave and join the party. Initially i thought i would just join the preparty and skip going out but also i hadnt planned to drink.... those plans changed once i got to the preparty. It was just a few of us girls and there were drinking games played (where we all learnt alot about each other, but also i learnt that according to the others i am the one who spends most time on my phone (not so surprising), but also the one who is most show (not suprising either!)). After several hours of dance and games  and drinks we decided to head out and try to find somewhere to dance which was as easy as we had thought. There was an age difference in our group meaning that some were allowed in in a certain club and others werent so we ended up getting split up and went to different places... which put a bit of a damper on the evening according to me. I was allowed in to both places and it was just a matter of choosing which group to be with... but i just wanted the whole group to be at the same place as that was the whole point of the evening/going out, hahah.

But anyway, i managed to make my way home and be home before 3am and i cant say that i felt the best going to bed. I dont regret drinking, it was fun and a choice i made and luckily i am not hungover today at all.... i actually think my body burns/processes the alcohol very quickly so despite feeling affected yesterday i just feel tired today but no sickness or headache or hungover feelings... just thirsty and craving salad!

But to sum it all up... it was a fun evening and makes me feel less anxious about going out again. I am the type of person who can fall into routines and not want to change those routines, but doing something different than my usual everyday habits is good for me. But also to remember that if i didnt have fun i could have just headed home, but atleast i gave it a try and really enjoyed it! So maybe a little tip if you are like me and prefer to avoid social situations... sometimes all you need to do is get ready and leave and who knows you might actually have a good time and if you dont, well then you can just head home but atleast you gave it a chance!! Its worse to sit at home and regret not going or think "what if"... even if somedays all you need to do is cancel social events and rest up/stay at home, that is ok as well... but i think a balance of the both is most important.

9 comments:

  1. Awe it sounds like you had such a wonderful time!! I really admire how you continually challenge yourself with social situations...that's something I struggle with as well!!
    But I saw the videos and selfies on your snapchat story and it looked like you had a ton of fun :) and you looked super cute!
    Have a wonderful Sunday <3

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  2. Wow you look incredibly beautiful Izzy! :) May I ask you where you bought your white top?
    Also I wanted to say Im very proud of you and that you should also be. Like you said, you managed to get out of you comfort zone and had a great evening. I sometimes find myself also, avoiding social events every now and then. Sometimes I regret it, sometimes not. But your post also ways make me feel very hopeful that I have it in my hand, to change this mentality, if i want. Thank you for this and everything else. Enjoy your relaxed Sunday!

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  3. Dear Izzy, do you think it is worth asking for an appointment to see a dietician if I struggle with both overeating and undereating? I wonder if it is a problem with control, such that the best dietary advice in the world would not help? Please do not worry if you do not have time to answer this! It is not an extreme situation, just a recurrent wondering....

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    1. I'm not Izzy but YES. And more importantly-- a therapist, because they can help you work on the real reasons you are doing this. Over/undereating are not the problems--it's what lies beneath! And a dietician can help maybe with a set plan for you to try and follow

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    2. I would recommend seeing a therapist, but a dietician can definitely help as they can give you a plan which includes enough energy for you and it means that you just follow that plan no matter how you feel and you know that you are eating the right amount. But a therapist can help you get to the bottom of your problems i.e help you with the actual problem and reason as to why you under and over eat. But also remember that it's about you making a change, if you do get a meal plan it's about following it and facing fears and changing thoughts as well!

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  4. This post is exactly what I needed to see! I am an introvert and have a habit of avoiding social situations too (as it causes anxiety and I feel like people might not like me/find me boring). But my goal is to put myself out there more, go out of my comfort zone and make new contacts. It's great to see someone else who feels the same way. :)

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    1. I know, I relate to this so much! Your situation is basically the same as mine - introvert, afraid people won't like me. But I'm really starting to think that I should try harder to get out and make memories :)

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    2. You can get out there and socialise,maybe set a goal to atheist join 1-2 social events a month... and begin with at least saying yes when you are invited somewhere. Sometimes it's just about getting dressed and going... other times you need to just be alone and not go, but if you are the type of person to skip social events due to anxiety then sometimes the best thing is to face that anxiety and to just go and the anxiety will hopefully lessen over time. That's how it has been for me anyway. Maybe have more socialising as your 2017 goal and keep trying!!! :)

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  5. You look stunning Izzy and I`m so happy that you had a great time!
    Well done for stepping out of your comfort zone and ignoring your anxieties - this is definitely something you will be able to reflect on and build on in the future.
    Hope your sunday was relaxing. When do you have to move?

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