Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Saturday, December 3, 2016

Judging me based on my past - comments about my weight

I really dont feel like i should have to write this post, and in a way i dont actually have to. But i guess i just neded to write out my thoughts as well. So recently i have been getting comments on my blog about my weight and appearance and not any positive comments. I am fine with getting constructive critisizm about my writing or my blog, but telling me that i look a certain way or commenting about my appearance in ill meaning is not positive or wanted.

First off i am not so sure what these people (or person?) is basing their comments on as well as what their intention with the comments are? I post few photos of myself on my blog as i feel like whenever i do i just get negative comments. I dont weigh myself so i have no idea whether i have lost weight or not and i dont know my BMI either, i know myself and i know that i am healthy and i am not trying to defend myself - you can believe whatever you want to. And if you seem to think that i am relapsing or sick then my words wont change that either, and i feel no  need to prove it to you either. instead you can just stop reading my blog if you find it triggering or negative in anyway... nobody is making you read. But it feels both unhelpful and unnecessary to comment about my weight when i am infact healthy and neither look sick or "waifing" or "anorexic" as you call me. Infact i am the healthiest i have ever been according to myself with both balance in eating and exercise and life in general, its not too much or too little of one thing, but instead a balance of it all. I feel happy (apart from the few moments when i think too much and end up with anxiety) and content with life.

I dont really know why some of you seem to think that you know everything about me or my life, i dont post everything i eat and i dont everything about my life so you have no idea about how much i eat or what i do in my life - i just share what i choose to share and i filter down my days and thoughts alot. But also telling me that i am not eating enough seems a little unecessary and also how can you know how much i eat?

I dont know my weight, i dont know how many calories i eat, but i am happy and feel healthy and have energy. I love the way i look and have no intention on losing weight or changing my body - as said many times before, if i wanted to change my body i would workout differently or eat differently to achieve those goals, but i dont have a goal of changing my body.

It feels alot like those of you who comment on my body are just commenting based on the knowledge that i have had an eating disorder in the past? I dont personally see any changes in my body so i dont know where the comments are coming from, but it feels like because i have had an eating disorder in the past and open about it, you feel more freely to judge me and my body`? Maybe i should just stop posting all photos of my body or food on my blog as it seems like those things just lead to negative comments.

Sometimes it feels like i am expected to look a certain way and live a certain life just because i am a recovered anorexic? Sometimes ive wanted to gain 10kg just to "prove" and to look a certain way so that people who read my blog dont just look at me and think "wow another fake recovered gym rat who just eats sallad", because that is not the case at all. But at the same time i know that i am vegan and love exercising and because of my CF and my lifestyle choices i look the way i do and no matter how much i eat i will always just be tall and skinny. But it feels like many readers who are sick look at me and think "i want to look like you when i am recovered", when you wont do that because you will look like YOU and YOUR healthy weight when you are recovered, but also sometimes i feel like a terrible role model because i dont want people to think that when you recover from an eating disorder you have to go vegan or you have to start working out because you DONT. You dont have to enjoy exercise and you dont have to eat plant based, but of course because i work with nutrition and believe in veganism then of course i promote those things.... but sometimes i just feel so mixed about what messages i am sending out. .Because i want you to recover and focus on life and happiness not on food or numbers or exercise or eating the healthiest or any of that... instead focusing on what makes you happy and make life worth it!

Anyway, now i am ging off topic... but anyway. Basically the comments about my body are unnecessary and i dont know what you are trying to achieve with them whether you are just trying to bring me down or whether you are trying to give me advice or constructive critisizm or what, but i dont know...... ?


22 comments:

  1. Dear Izzy,
    As somene who has moved on from the eating disordered period of my life in almost all respects, I really respect what you do here. Your blog helped me a lot for a long time, and now I don't really need it, and I cannot imagine giving so much time, patience, love, energy, effort, empathy to people stuck in eating disorder ways of thinking and living. I am sure that people only make the sorts of comments you mention because they are struggling themselves in some way -- either with their own health, or with fears for people close to them. I really respect the work you do through this blog, and I am always grateful for its & your abiding presence. It is a rare gift to be so committed for such a long term in helping people when you are really (as I do believe you are) better yourself.
    Take care. Have a good weekend.

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    1. ps ^ I wrote the above and now am worrying in case it sounds like I just do not care about people who are struggling. That is not the point though, the point was just that Izzy gives SO much, to make helping people with this particular problem a really central part of her life, when she could just get better and move on to other things. Those of us who move on do still care, I did not mean otherwise. And I do hope with all my heart that everyone visiting this site finds ways to much better, more whole existences. Life beyond anorexia and other disorders does exist, and it is so worth it....!

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  2. Hi Izzy - I don`t know why you have received such unnecessary comments either and I can fully understand if you feel hurt and confused by them, I would not like it if I had such comments directed at me.
    You know yourself that you are in a good place right now - you are happy and healthy and living a lifestyle that clearly suits you. Please don`t allow these comments to drag you down. When I see photos of you I see a happy, smiling girl who is loving her life - I certainly do not agree with the anonymous observations of you.
    I love your blog and it has helped me so much - YOU have helped me so much and I don`t doubt that there are many, many other readers that share my sentiments. The work and commitment you place to produce your blog is outstanding and it truly reflects what an honest, caring person you are. You have long since recovered from your own ED yet you tirelessly continue to help and support all of those who are still struggling. It takes a special kind of person to do that and you are indeed special through and through.
    I hope these comments don`t stop you from posting photos of yourself or writing your more personal posts. Don`t let a few misguided, totally unfounded words drag you down. You are beautiful just the way you are- both in mind and body.
    Reading the comments saddened me and I too can`t quite understand what the person/people behind them hoped to achieve by them. Rise above them and try to ignore them - you are doing invaluable work through this blog and you have no reason to doubt yourself where your health or appearance is concerned. YOU know you are well and healthy and at the end of the day, that's all that matters.
    I can understand why you felt the need to write this post, if it were me I would be feeling pretty hurt and somewhat annoyed. Hopefully now that will be an end it and people will either stop reading your blog if they no longer find it helpful or will keep such unfounded opinions to themselves - because that's what they are, totally unfounded, please remember that. And you don`t need to keep feeling the need to justify yourself either as it clearly shows in you that you are well and healthy, both in appearance and your general mood through your posts.
    I really hope this hasn't spoilt your weekend and that you have a nice time with your family visiting. Enjoy yourself and take care xx

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  3. Im sorry to hear this really! This is your blog for god sake.. you should be able to post whatever you want without some negative bullshit comments holding you back. Also I find it a Pitt if its holding you back from saying certain things about the things you love like exercise and veganism. Triggers are everywhere anyway so if people want to avoid that well then goud luck with that as its impossible anyway. Just like you should post pictures when you want to! I find they add a nice personal touch to your blog. Also the way you look might not be the standard but for ME you actually are such a great role model! Notbecause of the way you look but because of who you are <3 Dont ever doubt yourself Izzy! Also a reminder: this is the internet you are gisting a blog on. A medium thats known for people to just say whatever they want to (anonymous) without realising they might actually offend someone by doing so! Its not worth it to worry about those comments or people in general imo. Keep on being you, keep on posting what you want, addphotos, talk about veganism (yes please!! Haha),etc. You do you :)

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  4. I've noticed those comments here, too, and I wish they would just stop. I totally get where they are coming from, as there are hundreds of blogs and accounts out there that claim recovery and yet are anything but. But I feel I have a good radar for this stuff built off my own experience plus years of education in mental health and working in the field, and I just don't get the sick or lying vibe off of your blog. I do think you are naturally skinny, your photos pre-ED show the same, and you have said your CF affects your weight as well - and your body type is atypical for most women and of course something a lot of people with EDs want for themselves, but I do believe it's natural for you. Your mother is slim, too, and your diet is healthy even if veganism and moving out of the family home has affected the quantity or calories of your intake. I just don't get the sick vibe from you at all. People will see what they want and believe what they want, and the anonymity of the internet provides a tempting forum for people to voice their opinions even if they are hurtful. Truthfully, I think it's a bit unfortunate that you are naturally an "ideal" body type, as your words are so great but the unattaible physique can be difficult for some readers who are not fully recovered. But, it is what it is, and I think your words outshine the rest, and i love the self-portraits because they give personality to the posts. And you are always upfront about this issue, too - that recovery will look different, physically, for every body, and that you do have a genetically thin build that not everyone else will necessarily have in their own recovery. I think you looked best at the higher weight, but I don't think your current weight is a sick or intentional thing. Okay, ending my ramble now. Thanks for your blog, I don't think your appearance detracts from the message at all, and i continue reading even though EDs have zero relevance for me these days. I just can't quit reading because you're so sweet and i love seeing how you're turning out :)

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    1. ^ I love this comment. This reader sounds lovely ... as are you, Izzy!

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  5. Hi Izzy. I just wanted to add my two cents to this topic as, although I have never posted on you blog before, I have been thinking that it looks like you are going downhill a bit and I appreciate how it can be triggering. Although I also can relate to your frustration that people keep commenting about this.
    You said you don't know why people keep making these comments; I think it is a lot of small things like:
    -Your turn to veganism was pretty sudden, and at a time when you were clearly going through a tough patch mentally. It may be that veganism allowed you to feel that you were making some positive contribution to the world (those of us who struggle with mental illness often feel like we need to justify existing/eating/doing what makes us happy through the good it has on others). It was just very very sudden. Like one day you weren't vegan, and then you were.

    -When you have posted food you have eaten, there have been plenty of things like crispbread with vegan spread for snacks etc. This is pretty far removed from your previous snacks from about a year ago (say quark and a quest bar), and even from what you were eating during the summer when you were working (I think you were eating sandwiches, and not just crispbread, for snacks then?). And from when you have posted food you have eaten, it seems to be calorically quite low. I know you haven't posted what you eat in a day for a while, and that makes it all the more worrying. What you have posted has shown that you are eating much less than you used to. These combied make it seem almost like perhaps you are not eating enough and just aren't showing it on your website? I know- it is entirely up to you what you post and you may just not feel like posting your food anymore, which is totally fine. But please appreciate what it would be like if you were following a blog from someone who had quite a large following of anorexic girls trying to recover, and the only snapshot you saw of their intake showed that it was dropping and becoming much more 'healthy' (crispbread replacing bread etc).

    -Also, you haven't posted pictures of yourself in a while, which almost makes it seem like you are trying to disguise something. Again, I don't think at all you are intentionally doing anything, but it is almost like an anorexic wearing baggy clothing when they are losing weight. I know I used to, and I never for one second thought 'oh I'll wear this baggy jumper to hide that I've lost weight', but I just did it. It seems almost like the same thing with you not posting photos.

    -The photos that you have posted in the last couple of weeks show that you do look much skinnier. And I know that in the past few weeks you have said that maybe you have lost weight, but you feel really healthy. Now you are insisting that you haven't lost weight. You clearly have. That's ok if you are healthy, but I remember also before you said that you lost weight at some point and when you were speaking to your dietician you said you wanted to gain back to what you felt was your 'healthy weight', and she said it wasn't necessary, but you did it anyway. You definitely have lost weight (again, doesn't mean you are relapsing, just stating!) and you don't seem to care or acknowledge this.


    Blah- ran out of characters- will continue on next post!

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  6. CONTINUED!

    -The photos you posted from your birthday were actually photos from last year. Why would you post photos from last year? This seems quite odd, unless you know you aren't looking very wel now.

    -When you visited your mum you said she was worried about you and told you to 'eat whatever you wanted in the fridge/pantry'. I've been following your blog for a while now and I don't remmeber you ever saying that your mum was worried when she met you. Now she is. Your mum knows you better than any of us online, and if alarm bells are ringing for your mum it makes me worry too.

    -You do go to the gym an aweful lot. I know you say you love exercising, but an hour 6 times a week is really a lot. ESPECIALLy since you exercise on days when you have tests, even if you are worried about your tests (e.g. chemistry test). Most people who are worried about a test would take the extra hour/hour and a half to sleep or to revise, but you STILL go to the gym. Even if you don't feel it is disordered, it really does seem to be.

    I'm sorry if this seems like I am attacking you- I'm really not! I promise! I am slightly frustrated because you seem not to be acknowledging or taking the hints when people say you look like you have os weight, and instead are just arguing back and not showing any photos of yourself or what you are eating on your blog. Your blog has become much more impersonal and it just feels much emptier to me; like the person who was there a year ago has gradually faded away.

    Please take care of yourself.

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    1. And, in addition, you say to have a "healthy weight " but actually do not way yourself, so you do not know the exact number...

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    2. I AGREE 100% WITH THESE COMMENTS! Couldn't have said it better myself. This whole post seemed very defensive as well. "I'm the healthiest I've ever been, according to me" lol

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    3. Good grief. I'm pretty convinced there is one person posting under 'anonymous' numerous times here. Izzy didn't 'suddenly' go vegan. For a while she posted about how she was considering the idea and then made small changes like replacing chicken with quorn products occasionally. It's HER decision and if she feels good and is helping the planet, then why not?

      Also, Izzy has stated numerous times before that she doesn't post photos of what she eats all the time because it does vary- just like weight does. Eg some people lose weight and an appetite when they're stressed and then after a while go back to normal when the stress has passed. Others gain weight. It's dependent on the person and they're body. Im not surprised she hasn't posted as many 'body' photos and meal ideas if people are going to criticise her. Yes she has a blog and that means that it is open to the public and people have the right to their opinion BUT just because she posts online does not give anyone authority to attack her and criticise her. NO ONE would like to be on the receiving end of that. If you wouldn't say this to someone in real life, please don't type it.

      Izzy is a human being. She is not perfect but she is trying to help others while growing and managing her own life simultaneously. This blog is life saviour for so many and even if you don't agree with every word or photo, the overall theme is positive and supportive here- which is lovely. Please don't ruin it for everyone who enjoys her blog by trashing her.

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  7. Izzy, don't worry about those rude comments... The most important is that you are happy, healthy and inspiring for us who still struggle! Don't think about bad things that happen to you, think about how many lives you have saved!!! You are an inspiration to so many girls, what you're doing is amazing! Please don't ever let those comments lead your life, never give up in what you are doing! You are THE BEST!!! :) :*

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  8. You have a blog. You're going to get comments out of concern/love that come off as criticism. I don't know why you're acting so surprised that people are commenting on your obvious weight loss and it's kind of ridiculous that you're playing it off like this and being defensive. If you were strong enough in your own conviction, you wouldn't have made this post.

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  9. Just freaking admit it already. You are struggling. So are many of us. It is not something to be ashamed of. No recovery comes without relapses and that is OkAY!!!!

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    1. I have nothing to admit. If i was relapsing i would admit it..i was open about my depression and how much i suffered with my depression with suicidal thoughts and life struggles. If i was relapsing i would admit it, i am not about being fake on here, and i see no shame if someone relapses - mental illnesses are awful illnesses, but as i am not relapsing i dont really have anything to admit? Of course if you have already made up your mind that i am relapsing and sick, then you are free to believe that, i am not going to spend my time proving that i am healthy.

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    2. Well said Izzy :) xxxx

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  10. Hi Izzy, I've been reading your blog on and off for a few years. I have had an ED in the past and when I feel like I'm relapsing I visit your blog to help get myself back out, so first off, I just wanted to thank you for that. I've never commented before but i can see these comments are really getting to you. I can relate to this though not in the ED sense. I also have a pretty serious episodic mental illness and have been accused on various occasions of relapsing even though I wasn't. Like if I'm sad or happy about normal life things for a few days but not in extremes people who know I have the illness start to get on my back about it. I know they're doing it because they care but it can be so irritating when I KNOW I'm not sick (though admittedly there are times when I am extremely unwell but have no idea, so i guess I don't have much of a leg to stand on with that one hahaha). I do hope these comments stop because I think that even if you were relapsing (which I'm saying hypothetically, not suggesting that is reality) i don't feel it's up to everyone to continuously accuse you of this. I think if you were but didn't want to share that then everyone should just accept that and let it go. And if you're not then everyone should accept your reasons that you have mentioned (stress, CF, etc.). None of us know you personally, just what's on your blog so I think trusting those who know you best is a much more productive thing than listening to those who read your blog and gathered "evidence" from what you've posted alone. You voluntarily dedicate so much time to helping people who are struggling and that in itself is an incredibly nice thing to do. I hope you continue to be such a lovely, thoughtful person throughout your life and I wish you all the best. I do hope these comments stop, you don't need to justify yourself to a bunch of strangers (or anyone for that matter). Take care :)

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  11. Wouldn't you express your concern to someone you have been following for a long time if that person dropped a lot of weight and seems to be very food fixated? If a person drops/gains 5kg it doesn't show, so you must have dropped a lot more because it's a very big difference in your body, and it saddens me to see someone lose so much weight and life joy. I do not want to judge you or anything, because it's none of my business, but I think you have a big responsibility to others if this blog is going to be a healthy recovered blog. Before you went vegan you said that you would stop if it affected your health, and now you seem to drop more and more weight. Have you considered that vegan eating isn't good for you? Doesn't it make your CF worse? Take care and remember what is important in life!

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    1. I think that's enough now. I don`t like reading such hurtful accusations and comments about someone who puts her self out to tirelessy help so many people on here. Izzy has stated that she is well and healthy so that should be an end to it. If some people don`t believe her then that is their problem, no one is forcing them to follow this blog.

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  12. Yes, stop being so rude to Izzy! She's amazing and she helped so many people, including me! If you don't like the way she looks, DON'T LOOK at the photos and stop reading this blog. It's never helpful to accuse the person of something if you never even seen her in real life. And, Izzy, you actually look very healthy and wonderful, a real inspiration for many of us. And as for being vegan - it works for some people and it doesn't have to be everybody's lifestyle, but it also doesn't mean the person has relapsed, that's just crazy... You actually have to eat a lot of carbs and fat if you are vegan, and you can eat sweets, chocolate and some junk food if you want, that doesn't sound like "ED behavior"! So, don't worry, Izzy! Don't let those haters get under your skin!

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