When you were recovering, did you ever feel badly about doing well? Like, right now, I almost feel like eating "normally" (ie not having extreme anxiety at a restaurant for dinner) makes me worried. Almost like, waiting for the shoe to drop for when you might relapse because you can't possibly be doing well...or that being healthy doesn't feel sustainable. I almost can't enjoy getting healthy, because I feel like it just isn't going to last. hope you're having a good weekend!
I think this question is a really good question and im actually surprised that i havent written anything about it before, but this was something i experienced as well. After spending a long time sick it can feel strange and wrong when you finally begin being more healthy.
Its like if you always wear jeans and then you suddenly begin wearing a dress/skirt/shorts... it feels weird, it feels different. But that doesnt mean its a bad thing...
Its an uncomfortableness and a newness, its strange. But change can be good and in this case it is good.
The important thing is to stop thinking about relapse - i am someone who strongly believes in that What you think you manifest. So if you are always thinking about relapse, thinking that this healthiness and happiness wont last... then it wont. But like always - What goes up must come down. Unfortunatly this is something that is true.... so what i say is that enjoy it while it lasts. The healthyness will last if that is what you want it to do. Enjoy being able to eat food with out guilt, feel the happiness of it. And feel PROUD. Dont long back to the guilt and anxiety, instead keep doing things that scared you before and enjoy it. Realise that the way you feel is good, its the way you SHOULD feel.
Healthy IS sustainable, as long as you find a balance that works for you. It can be good to stop comparing yourself now to how you were before i.e when you were sick. To not think 'ohh wow i got guilt over this before'.. this is ok sometimes, when you feel really proud over yourself. But you shouldnt have thoughts of, 'wow i should feel guilty over this' because you shouldnt. Those types of thoughts are wrong.
These feelings of healthy being wrong should pass in time, its just that its new and its different. But its GOOD. These feelings of not getting anxiety, of feeling happy. They are good feelings, they should be what you feel all the time :)