When you were recovering, did you ever feel badly about doing well? Like, right now, I almost feel like eating "normally" (ie not having extreme anxiety at a restaurant for dinner) makes me worried. Almost like, waiting for the shoe to drop for when you might relapse because you can't possibly be doing well...or that being healthy doesn't feel sustainable. I almost can't enjoy getting healthy, because I feel like it just isn't going to last. hope you're having a good weekend!
I think this question is a really good question and im actually surprised that i havent written anything about it before, but this was something i experienced as well. After spending a long time sick it can feel strange and wrong when you finally begin being more healthy.
Its like if you always wear jeans and then you suddenly begin wearing a dress/skirt/shorts... it feels weird, it feels different. But that doesnt mean its a bad thing...
Its an uncomfortableness and a newness, its strange. But change can be good and in this case it is good.
The important thing is to stop thinking about relapse - i am someone who strongly believes in that What you think you manifest. So if you are always thinking about relapse, thinking that this healthiness and happiness wont last... then it wont. But like always - What goes up must come down. Unfortunatly this is something that is true.... so what i say is that enjoy it while it lasts. The healthyness will last if that is what you want it to do. Enjoy being able to eat food with out guilt, feel the happiness of it. And feel PROUD. Dont long back to the guilt and anxiety, instead keep doing things that scared you before and enjoy it. Realise that the way you feel is good, its the way you SHOULD feel.
Healthy IS sustainable, as long as you find a balance that works for you. It can be good to stop comparing yourself now to how you were before i.e when you were sick. To not think 'ohh wow i got guilt over this before'.. this is ok sometimes, when you feel really proud over yourself. But you shouldnt have thoughts of, 'wow i should feel guilty over this' because you shouldnt. Those types of thoughts are wrong.
These feelings of healthy being wrong should pass in time, its just that its new and its different. But its GOOD. These feelings of not getting anxiety, of feeling happy. They are good feelings, they should be what you feel all the time :)
I get what you mean - when I have had a good day sometimes I think this just cannot last. But what I have learnt to do is live for the day, enjoy the day for what it is - if it is a good day, embrace that, if its a not so good day, know that I will get through it and it will pass - tomorrow is another day.
ReplyDeleteIt is very true that how you think plays a huge part and if you think you are going to hit upon a down time, then you probably will. Its about staying positive and motivated, to continue doing the things you like to do and build on those things.
Hi Izzy - I have just finished reading the book 2brave girl eating" by Harriet Brown - and I found it to be a very good read. It is written by the mother who`s daughter has anorexia and tells the story of how they successfully managed her recovery at home through Family Based Therapy, largely carried out by themselves as they couldn't find any adequate professional help. There are also chapters about research into anorexia and factual medical findings, which made very interesting reading and certainly got me thinking.
ReplyDeleteJust an idea, but maybe others could post about what books they have read or can recommend ?
I have also read that book! It's amazing, it made be speechless :)
DeleteYes - it was a very good book and the factual chapters about ED research were very interesting - certainly made me think.
DeleteI`m reading "wasted" now but finding it quite hard to get into. But I will persevere and see how it goes on.
Has anyone else read/reading any books they can recommend?