Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Thursday, December 15, 2016

Current update

Good morning everyone :) I hope you are all doing OK and looking forward to Christmas? I know that Christmas can be a tough time when you struggle with an eating disorder, but try to see it as a positive occasion. Everyone celebrates differently and some don't celebrate at all, whatever the case may be try to stay calm and not panic. Your body needs food always and now is the perfect time to face fears and anxieties and be one step closer to healthier and recovered!!  Maybe make a plan for the upcoming days and stick to your meal plan and try to not get overwhelmed or skip meals as those things will just make it harder for you. Try to make the best of each day and remember that you are in control of your choices and each choice has consequences!!!


So, moving on.... only one more week left of school. And one week until I travel to Stockholm again! And one week until I have to have all my things packed and the apartment clean before I travel back to Stockholm for Christmas.  I don't really know how I feel about travelling back again, I haven't had time to think about it and it doesn't feel like Christmas at all. And I'm a little sad about leaving the apartment, but oh well... moving on with life and new adventures!!

So, what have I done when I haven't been studying or lying in bed feeling sick and watching series? Well, I went to a Christmas brunch with my friends on Tuesday. There was bread and salad and gingerbread cookies I could eat and I also brought with me vegan meat balls, so there was enough for me to eat, and I was mostly there to spend time with friends!



Then yesterday, Wednesday I finally started feeling better... a week of antibiotics and the nausea and sick feelings have begun to lessen and I finally felt energetic.  So I decided to go for a walk and I had so much energy that I actually ended up doing a short run which felt so amazing.  Both that I physically had energy and could breathe properly! Now I definitely want to get back into running again. It's funny how I always feel more motivated to run during winter but during summer I prefer being in the gym and strength training!!! My running motivation always goes in periods and that's OK, I know that I love running but some periods I like it less, haha! The rest of the day was spent studying before I actually went on a date.... yup, you read that right. I'm not going to write so much about it as I don't know whether there will be a second or third date hahah.  I had good time anyway, despite the post alcohol anxiety kicking in on the way home. But also actually going on a date brought up a whole bunch of feelings and emotions inside of me.... and some of those feelings were missing my ex. I guess all the new guys I'll date in the future will be compared with my ex and we'll, he was an awesome guy and sometimes I regret that my depression messed things up for us,but also the question of "what if I didn't move to study".... it's so strange and a little overwhelming to deal with those feelings and emotions, but also I don't even know whether I'm ready to date again.... i don't need to rush into dating again even if part of me wants to.


Pre and post getting ready, hahaha!!

And onto today.. Thursday.  First up lectures and then back to the CF clinic to see if my CF health has gotten better and it has!! So despite hating antibiotics with a passion, they do work... so now I don't need to worry about ending up in hospital over Christmas,hahah! I also got the influenza vaccine, so I'm a little worried about how I'll feel this evening.... the headache has already kicked in -_-

I'm feeling better mostly now anyway, so hopefully back to routines and my normal self now! It sucks to have so little energy and just feel so sick, but now I can eat again and feel energetic and happy!!! :)

I hope you are all doing well and have a great week!!

5 comments:

  1. I'm so happy for you! It's great that you're feeling better and you're getting back into dating. Just a question: do you have any ideas on dates if you didn't drink alcohol? That seems to be a big part of dating and I'm just not interested in it.

    Anyway, glad you're feeling better and I hope you have a great weekend!

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  2. I'm glad u are feeling better and can enjoy Christmas X

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  3. Good news that you are feeling better and bouncing your way back to health again!
    Its a great feeling when you finally turn that corner and can do things again :)
    I hope your move goes well for you and that you soon settle in and are happy.
    As for dating - just take it slowly and see what happens, enjoy the new friendship and what will be will be! I can understand you are still pretty raw after your previous breakup but what you are feeling is only natural. I hope it all works out for you:)
    How long are you planning on spending with your family? I am quite looking forward to Christmas now that I am all organised - presents wrapped, decorations up, meal planned and all the food that can be brought in advance shopped for. I am determined to enjoy it this year and not let stress get to me!
    I think its really good that you are running again and you felt well enough to do so - perhaps you can build on that and make it a more regular thing?
    Has it been easier this time round (this move away from home compared with befores) to make friends? What do you think has made a difference? Great news that you are getting out and about and socialising - living the student life :)
    Hope you continue to have such a happy and positive week - enjoy your weekend!

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  4. Oh my gosh! I also went on a date again this past week and I absolutely get what you're saying. I miss my ex so much and have so many emotions and so much pain still overwhelming me many times. I also was very depressed and admitted to hospital around the time we broke up. I feel afraid for future relationships when I know at the same time what depression can do to me and most people can't support you through that as they are afraid or don't understand why you can't just snap out of it. Maybe you could write a post about depression and relationships. It's a very hard thing in life.

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    Replies
    1. What you wrote about depression and their effect on relationships certainly stuck a chord. In the early, darkest days of my depression my partner said it was as if I had a "shield" around me - preventing me from any emotion and unable to look at him or communicate with him. He says now it was as if he was living alone, even though I was there in the house with him because I was just so detached. I am happy to say now that those darkest days have passed and although I am heaps better, we still sometimes lack that "closeness" that we had before the depression and he admits that although I have come a long way, I am still not the person I used to be.
      A post on relationships, or links to, would be very helpful and interesting.

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